Silent Bob
10-09-2006, 01:41 AM
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 1
Message-ID: <1995Jul12.124311.123114@daniel>
Date: 12 Jul 95 12:43:11 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 50
The planet was a desolate wasteland. Nothing but sand and
rocks as far as the eye could see. Then a noise like a piano being
strangled, and with a characertisic TARDIS groan, the Water Tower
materializes on the planet. The door opens and from inside we hear.
"And stay out!"'
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot come flying out propelled by a large
boot and a piece of scarf. As the Warners pick themselves up, the
TARDIS Vworps back into the depths of space and time.
Yakko dusts himself off, "Humph! See if we ever fix his
chameleon circuit again."
Wakko helps Dot up. "Yeah, you know how hard it was to get
that lizard in there?"
"And we even put out the electrical fire.", Dot added.
"Well, there's no time to worry about that now. Where are we
anyway?"
The three survey the bleak landscape.
"Wakko, the map."
Wakko digs into his gag bag and comes out with a huge foldout
map of the universe. All three huddle around the map.
Yakko points, "Now we started here at Earth, took a small
jaunt to Mars and Pluto."
Wakko interrupts, "What about Uranus?"
Dot answers,"We already did that joke, Wakko. Remember?"
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"Then, we went to Amdromeda, turned left at Betelguese. And
now we're..."''
"'YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MI-NATED! EX-TERM-INATE! EX-TER"''
"Could you hold that thought please?", Dot said
sweetly, "We're trying to figure something out here."
They fall back to studying the map ignoring the Dalek for the
moment.
"EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
Its gun stick flares out and a blast of laser energy flies out
and obliterates the map revealing the Warners in mid-argument.
"Hey!" Yakko exclaimed, "I know where we are."
"Where?"
"In deep yogurt. Run!"
And with a collective AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! The Warners run off
with the Dalek in hot pursuit.
Richard "I'm new at this so please don't hurt me" DiTullio
P.S. Please send feedback on anything I write because I am very
insecure and appreciate the knowledge that I am actually amusing
someone out there. Of course I relaize that you people have busy
lives and can't respond to everything so if you don't I quite
understand. In fact, disregard this P.S. unless you agree with it in
which case don't. Thanx!
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 2
Message-ID: <1995Jul13.210638.123130@daniel>
Date: 13 Jul 95 21:06:38 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 57
The Warners tore across the landscape with the Dalek in hot
pursuit. With every step laser blasts turned chunks of rock and sand
to atoms.
" We'd better think of something quick," Yakko panted, " We
haven't gotten a laugh in over four lines."
Dot snaps her fingers. "How about the old Sir Yaksalot bit?"
"Worth a shot."
The Dalek closes in. "EX-TERMI-NATE! EX-TERMINATE! EX-TERM
ad infinitum..."
Yakko smiles. "Could someone please stop him from saying
exterminate?"
Right on cue a huge anvil comes down, strikes the Dalek with a
distinctive KLANG, and cracks in two halves one on either side of the
Dalek.
"EXTERMINATE!" The Dalek fires, and Wakko grabs the blast on
of the air, shakes some salt on it and eats it.
"Light snack. :)" Cut to Yakko on drums. "Ba dum. Bump. Ching."
Yakko gets a determined look on his face. "All right sibs.
Heart of Darkness mode. Go."
Yakko whips out two paddle balls and starts bouncing in
rythmic patterns. Wakko hefts his mallet, and Dot starts sucking on
all day lollipop.
"You don't really want to shoot us do you, you cute little
pepperpot noe do you?" Lick, lick, cute eyes on full power.
"EX-TERMI-NATE" and Dot's sucker disappears in a flash of
light.
"Let me take him, sibs." Yakko pushes to the forefront and
starts bouncing his paddle balls all over the Dalek constantly
knocking his gun stick aside. "Now, Wakko!"
Wakko leaps up and brings his mallet down directly on the
Dalek's eyestalk which goes flying.
"MY VISION IS IM-PAIRED! I CANNOT SEE! I CANNOT SEE!"
"You know what this means, sibs?" Wakko and Dot both nod
their head and in unison, all three start making gookie faces at the
Dalek, just as it fires blindly towards them leaving them with
blackened faces and despaired looks.
"And the moral of the story is: Don't taunt the blinded
obsessed alien being. Got that kids?"
Dot complains," I hate soot takes! I can never get this stuff
off." She takes out a hand mirror and examines herself. I look like
Robin the Raccoon! What do you think, Yakko?" Dot turns to her
brother just as the Dalek fires yet again. The blast fires out
bounces off the mirror, reflects off the pie plate Wakko has just
removed from his bag,
"Mmmmm. I love hot apple pie. Gulp."
and into the Dalek which explodes, throwing shards of armor
everywhere. Yakko bends over and picks up a hunk of armor.
"Look at this." Yakko flips the armor to show the following
inscription:
"Made by Davros Patent Pending If you are reading this you will
be exterminated. Void where prohibited."
"I think we've just found today's special friend!" And with
that the Warner's set out across the desert.
More to come.. Keep those comments coming!
Rick "I really like the middle name thing" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 3
Message-ID: <1995Jul25.180827.123227@daniel>
Date: 25 Jul 95 18:08:27 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 33
Scene: Dalek control. Sirens are going off everywhere. Two
Daleks are looking at the various instruments.
"ALERT! ALERT! A PATROL DALEK HAS BEEN DE-STROYED!"
"SENSORS IN-DI-CATE THREE HU-MAN-NOID LIFE-FORMS!"
"SEND UNIT SEVEN TO INVESTIGATE! INFORM THE EM-PER-OR!"
"I OBEY!"
Scene: The deserts of Scaro. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are doing
a chariot take across the sands. Wakko is the horse, while Yakko is
scanning the skies with a telescope.
Yakko: I think I know where we are. You take a look, Dot.
Dot takes the scope and focuses on an asteroid with a sign
that reads "Welcome to Scaro. You will be exterminated."
Dot: Hmmm. Welcome to Scare-o. Sounds like an amusement
park.
Wakko: Maybe they have rides!
Yakko: Yeah, like the amazing Laser of Death rollercoaster!
YK&D: Let's go!
They all leap into the horse harness and zip across the
landscape, eventually approaching the shiny steel and glass building
that is Dalek control. In fact they arrive just as a Dalek emerges
from the front panel. It stops in the door and turns around surveying
the area.
Wakko: Look there's the park1 See the entrance with the
turnstyle!
Yakko: Last one there is a talk show host!
All three surge forward and zip past the Dalek running
through it like a turn style spinning it like Dizzy Devil. When the
smoke clears only the eyestalk is visible.
Dalek:ALERT! ALIENS IN THE COMPLEX! FULL ALERT!
Until next time, may your TARDIS always materialize in friendly
surroundings.
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 4
Message-ID: <1995Jul29.095326.123272@daniel>
Date: 29 Jul 95 09:53:26 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 92
Scene: Dalek Control Two Daleks are staring at monitors and
manipulating controls.
"IN-TRU-DERS HAVE PEN-E-TRATED TO LEVEL FOUR!"
"DE-FENSE SCREENS AC-TI-VA-TED! ASSUALT SQUADS ALPHA AND BETA
WILL GO TO LEVEL FOUR AND EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
"I O-BEY!"
Davros trundles into main control still in his
humanoid/wheelchair form.
"Report!"
"THREE HU-MA-NOIDS HAVE IN-VA-DED DA-LEK CON-TROL"
"ASSUALT SQUADS HAVE BEEN DEPLOYED! DEFENSE SCREENS
ACTIVATED!"
"Show me!"
A monitor lights up revealing the Warners in front of a
shifting gateway of lasers crisscrossing archway.
All three spin around and all in Calypso outfits, Wakko had
maracas, and Dot has those hand clickers and a bright skirt.
"Everybody Limbo!" Limbo rock starts playing in the background
as the bop and twist their way through the lasers, Wakko only pausing
to roast some hot dogs on the way through.
They next step on a panel and grat clouds of poison gas pour
into the room.
Yakko & Dot: "PU! Wakko!"
Wakko: "Pardon. Must have been the pineapple right side up
cake. Urp!"
Yakko: "Did we really need that? Well lets go on. Compared
to Wakko's sock drawer this is nothing. Onward!"
They walk down the corridor dodging fire, acid, lasers.
Wakko: "This must be the fun house!"
Yakko: "Why are you having fun?"
They run around the corner, and run smack dab into attack
squad Alpha all four of of them.
"IN-TRU-DERS LO-CATED! EX-TERM-I-NATE!"
Dot: "Not again! Why is it wherever we go something wants to
cause us extreme discomfort for no particular reason?"
Yakko: "Hey it wasn't my idea to visit Washington, Miss
Hellloooo JFK!"
Wakko: "Guys."
Dot: "Later, Wakko. And what about Egypt, o Pharoah of the
Brainless! I'm still picking scorpions out of hair."
Yakko: "But she was worth it, Heellllloooooo Cleo!"
Wakko: "Guys!"
Yakko: "Later, Wakko. Anyway, not everyone wanted to hurt
us, remember. The Salem police just wanted us tarred and feathered."
Wakko: "GUYS!"
Y&D: "What is it, Wakko!"'
They turn around to see Wakko with two tennis rackets in each
hands furiously backhanding laser blasts.
Wakko: "I canna hold her much longer Captain"
Yakko: "We -must- save -our friend. Dot, analysis."
Dot has whirled into a white lab coat complete with glasses,
pocket protector, and clipboard.
"According to my research, I believe the correct action would
be to help Wakko in some way, shape, or form."
"Could you be more vague?"
"No, Yakko. I don't think I can."
"Good, just checking. Well," Yakko takes out two drumsticks,
"Let's play!"
Yakko leaps up on Wakko and springs on top of the Daleks
heads. Balancing himself, he starts pounding out jazz rythms on the
Daleks, hitting the gunstalks every so often for high notes. Dot
watchs her brothers and then with a Slappyesqe grin on her face pulls
out two xylophone mallets, leaps onto a Dalek and starts playing
"Those Endearing Young Charms" And on those fateful two notes,, BOOM!
BOOM! and two Daleks go up in flames!
"RE-TREAT! FALL BACK! RE-GROUP! WITH-DRAW! WITH-DRAW!
Yakko: "Geez, how many words for run do you need anyway? I
mean yikes!"
Around the other corner comes attck squad Beta.
YW&D: "Scram. later, see ya, we're outta here." And with a
ZIP, they tear off down the corridor, after the other two Daleks that
retreated. They tear right by them with a passing, "Tag! Your it!",
and all six Daleks join together in pursuit of the Warners
Scene Dalek control
Davros watched the Warners antics with rapt attention
murruring to himself with every new trick the Warners played
"Superior agility, Body fluidity, Matter and energy creation.
Sensors even show time distortions. I must know more."
Davros hand flicked over his controls pouring through computer
logs and scanners.
"Sensors show that these creatures are made of nothing but ink
and paint! There is no organic material save what they create!
Fascinating. How can such power be contained in mere animated
drawings? Command all Daleks to hold off the intruders as long as
possible. Use the new holographic projectors to divert them from central
control.
"I OBEY!"
"Meanwhile, I must work out what to do our guests." With that
Davros trundles into his lab.
Rick "EX-TER-MI-NATE" DiTullio fan of all Animaniacs even
Hippos.
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 5
Message-ID: <1995Aug7.125524.123392@daniel>
Date: 7 Aug 95 12:55:24 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 49
Scene: Dalek control Three Daleks are surrounding a monitor
and computer bank. The monitor shows the Warners fleeing the attack
squads heading directly for Dalek control.
"TARGETS LO-CA-TED. AC-TI-VA-TING NEURAL SCAN. PRO-BING."
Idea clouds appear above all three Warners and images flash by
in a chaotic frenzy.
"CANNOT COM-PUTE! UN-STABLE! BA-NA-NA! UN-DER-WEAR! BILL
CLINTON! NO PATTERN!
"EX-TERM-I-NATE!"
The other two Daleks turn on their malfunctioning comrade and
blast him to atoms.
"RE-ATTEMPT-ING SCAN. SWITCHING IN IRRATIONALITY BUFFERS.
PRO-BING. RECEIVING DATA."
Yakko's thought bubble focuses in on him in a dragon costume
onstage.
"NAUGH-TY FROG! HA-HA-HA-HA! STANDS IN THE CORNER! HA-HA!"
"EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
The laughing Dalek explodes revealing the blob like alien
inside, quivering and shaking. The remaining Dalek activates the
comminication system.
"EM-PER-OR! NEURAL SCAN TO IN-CON-STANT FOR DA-LEK
COM-PU-TATION. WHAT IS YOUR CO-MMAND?"
"Route the scan's data directly to my lab."
"I OBEY!"
"And focus the scan on the pleasure center of the brain."
Cut to Davros's lab where he is pouring over reams of data on
a computer monitor.
"Aaaah. I understand. Such simple desires."
Davros flips on his communicator switch. "Control unit three.
Configure the holographic projectors to display the following
images." Davros uses a trakball like device to send several images
from the screen to the Dalek. "Use them and the attack squads to herd
them to level 12."
"I OBEY!"
Davros again uses his trakball to pull down an image of
another Dalek.
"Dalek technician 12, reconfigure your equipment to the
following parameters. Activate on my command."
"I OBEY!"
Davros gestures again eith the trakball and his scanner
focuses on a Dalek production line.
"Production team gamma, make the following adjustments to the
weaponry systems and sensory equipment to the next five Daleks
created."
"WE OBEY!"
"Now, all should be in readiness. The powers of these unique
creatures shall be mine."
More to come quite soon.
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 6
Message-ID: <1995Aug9.202448.123444@forest>
Date: 9 Aug 95 20:24:48 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 104
Scene: Corridor of Dalek control The six Dalek attack squad is still
pursuing our heroes.
"EX-TERM-I-NATE!" Six laser blasts lash out at our heroes. Wakko
catches all six in an enormous humburger bun, and eats it.
"Light meal." Ba dum bum. Ching!
The Warners arrive at a four way intersection.
Dot: "Which way should we go?"
Yakko hops up and suspends himself in midair while changing into a
scarcrow costume.
Yakko: "Well, some go this way, and some go that way, but most people
eventually go both ways."
Meanwhile, Wakko burps sending dangerous shockwaves through the Daleks
circuitry. He shakes up a cola bottle.
Wakko: "You'd better decide quick. I'm out of cola."
Dot looks down each corridor.
Dot: "Hmmmm. Nothing straight ahead. Nothing to the left. Noth-"
Dot's eyes bug out of her head, and her chin drops to the floor
allowing her tongue to roll out like a red carpet.
Yakko: "What is it, sis?" Yakko looks and sees a scene out of Dot's
secret diary (the one under her bed in the pet box that she thinks noone reads.)
There stands Mel Gibson, looking tan and muscular wearing only jeans and a blue
button down shirt half open. He is holding a clothes hanger on which is a
purple sequined dress just Dot's size.
Mel: "I have always loved you Dot. Come to me."
Dot: "HELLO NURSE!" She goes to leap into Mel's outstrecthed arms but
is held back by Yakko grabbing her at the last second so that she rubber band
streches, then snaps back hurling both of them into the wall. Dot immediately
leaps up and runs toward Mel, but grabs ahold of her skirt, so that she merely
runs in place.
Yakko: "Think a minute, sis. He can't be real."
Dot: "Why not? He sure look real enough to me. Hello Nurse!"
Yakko: "How could he get all the way out here?"
Dot: "Maybe the Doctor brought him? Maybe he took an intergalactic
bus? Who cares? Hello Nurse!"
Yakko holds on with both hands and digs in with his feet.
Yakko: "I won't let you go and make a fool of yourself."
Dot's eyes narrow and she turns her head
Dot: "Don't make me hurt you, Yakko. You're messing with a woman in
love and I'll turn you into pizza topping."
Yakko: "Wakko, get over here quick. Dot's gone nuts over Mel Gibson."
Wakko: "Not again. Be right there. Now you guys stay put. I'll be
back." All of the Daleks are covered in bubble gum and furiously blasting away
to free themselves from each other and the wall.
Yakko and Wakko each have Dot by one arm, and are dragging her away.
Yakko: "Now, sis, this is for your own good. You he isn't re-"
Wakko: "What's wrong Yak-"
Yakko and Wakko turn there heads and notice two figures standing next
to Mel. It was their dream come true. Not only was Ms. Nurse beckoning them
over, but she was a twin! One wore a stewardess outfit and lounged by an open
refrigerator overflowing with food. The second Nurse was dressed in the french
maid outfit, and waved a contract toward Yakko that would give him his own talk
show.
Yakko and Wakko drop Dot with a thump and just stare for awhile panting
and drooling.
Yakko: "You know, I always felt reality was overrated!
YW&D: "HELLO NURSE!"
And with a bounding leap they all left into their respective dreams
arms only to land on the hard floor of the corridor. They looked up in
disappointment only to find them farther down the corridor.
Yakko (with French accent): She plays hard to get, no? If she
will lead I will follow."
The leading company of Nurse, Nurse, and Mel lead the Warner's on a
merry chase through the complex until at last the Warner's and their dreams
find themselves in a Dalek construction area with all sorts of large whirring
machines.
Nurse: "Oooh. Now I'm ready. Soup's on Wakko."
Nurse2: "Oooh. Time to clean up that dirty mind Yakko." (Waves feather
duster)
Mel: "Come to me, Dot, and I shall be your Lethal Weapon."
And with a collective "HELLO NURSE!" they again leap only to be
pulled to the side. They slam against a large metal disk. All three struggle
but find that their hands, feet, and face are stuck to the disk.
Yakko: "Hey, what's going on here?"
"A rather well orchestrated trap, if I do say so myself."
Davros trundles into the room with a guard of three Daleks behind him.
"The neucleonic magnet to which are attached has been specifically
calibrated to attract titanium dioxide, a key ingredient in white paint."
Yakko: "So you did well on your SAT's. Swell. But why are we here
doing a flypaper demonstration when we should be lunching with the babes of
the century?"
"You have very unique talents that I wish to study."
Yakko looks self-important. "And you guys thought paddle ball was
silly. Old no legs here appreciates it."
"I wish to hear no more from your prattling tongue!"
Wakko: "Then how about mine, Blue-Eye?"
Dot: "Or mine?" Dot twists and sees Darvos for the first time.
"DEE-GUSTING! Have you ever considered a Mary-Kay makeover?
Yakko: "Or maybe a paper bag over your head?"
"Dalek technician activate secondary attraction pattern."
"I OBEY!"
The Dalek twists a control knob, and the Warners find their tongues
also stuck to the magnet
"Much better. I will need to concentrate if I am to distill the essence
from these creatures. Think of it. Dalek's able to create matter, resist
lasers, even bend the laws of the material universe to suit their needs at the
time as you do. You three will insure the supremecy of the Dalek race. Bring
them to my lab."
"WE OBEY!"
And as the Warner's are led away, you see for the first time a look of
abject terror on their faces.
Enjoy, enjoy. More to come.
Richard "Keep those letters coming!" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs,rec.arts.drwho
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 7
Message-ID: <1995Sep23.165726.124901@forest>
Date: 23 Sep 95 16:57:26 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 129
Xref: news.wwa.com alt.tv.animaniacs:47117 rec.arts.drwho:89783
Scene: Davros's lab. The Warners are now each stuck to their
own seperate magnetic disk, each has a Dalek technician controlling them.
Davros is again at his computer bank with a guard of three Daleks painted
red and black. Davros turns towards the Warners.
"Release Wakko."
"I OBEY!"
Wakko drops to the floor with a thump, gets up, and rubs his butt.
"My keister hurts!"
"You have the ability to create matter from nothing."
"You mean like this? <<URP!>> Pardon."
"No you fool! From that sack you carry, your gag bag I believe
you call it. Be so kind as to produce something for me."'
"Like what?"
"Anything."
"Anything?"'
"ANYTHING!"
"O.K." Wakko pulls out his gag bag, roots deep in the bottom of
it, and pulls out the World's Biggest Mallet (tm).
Davros turns calmly to one of the Daleks at his side.
"Disarm him."
"I OBEY!"
The Dalek turns and fires a concentrated spray of fluid. It
strikes the mallet which dissolves, leaving Wakko covered in a film of
yellow paint, and stinging acid.
Wakko screams and pulls out the World's Largest Glass of Water
(patent pending) which he dives in. He comes to the surface of the water
gasping.
"What is that stuff?"
"A mixture of acetone, turpentine and benzene. I believe you know
it as Dip." Davros pauses while the look of terror returns to the
Warner's faces. "I hope this demonstration will be enough to convince to
follow orders. Restrain him!"
Wakko once again finds himself stuck to the magnet.
"Now we shall begin." Davros presses a button, and we go into a
montage of tests being performed on the Warners. Yakko hooked up to
electrodes, Wakko eating expolsives until he a makes a gookie, Dot's
flower dissolved to analyze its makeup, and the endless search for any
internal organs. Finally, all three fall unconscious.
When they come to, they see a large Dalek construction line behind
a Plexiglass shield. In the center there are three Dalek shells, metallic
skeletons awaiting the outer armor and internal alien. Davros and several
Daleks are bustling around various control panels.
"Ahhhh, you are awake. I am pleased that you woke up in time to witness
what you have allowed. By siponing your life force into these Dalekanium
shells, these Daleks shall have your powers, my technology, and immunity
to every known weapon in existence. ACTIVATE PRODUCTION!"
"I OBEY!"
Electrical force fields spring up around the Dalek shells. Black
and white paint pour over the shells, shaped by the fields into
alternating black and white bands up and down the Dalek.
"FIELD HOLDING! INK AND PAINT HAVE STABILIZED! STAND BY TO
ENERGIZE!"
"ACTIVATE ESSENCE DRAIN!"
Tongues of electrical flame play over the Warners body. All three
twitch and writhe under the force of the Drain. Gradually the Warner's
start fading getting lighter and lighter, until the the black and white
become light and dark gray and their noses become faded pink.
"DISCONTINUE DRAIN! We do not want them dead just yet. ACTIVATE
INTEGRATION."
Waves of energy from the Warners surge through the shells. The
paint ripples, bubbles, and finally fuses along the shells as armor
plates. Bubbles bulge out and form the bottom sections of the Daleks.
Then cylindrical tubes start forming from the midsection. First come the
suction cup arm, and then the lasers start to form, first the ball and
socket base and then.
"ALERT! ANOMALY! LASERS WILL NOT FORM!"
"SHIFT FIELDS TO COMPENSATE!"
"I OBEY!"
The lasr arm starts forming coerced by the fields, but the suction
cup arm starts shrinking in.
"FULL POWER ON MIDSECTION FORMING FIELDS!"
"I OBEY!"'
Now both suction cup and gun have formed, but the entire shell
starts to shake and wobble.
"WARNING FIELDS NOT HOLDING!"
"INSTIBILITY! STRUCTUAL COLLASPE INSTIGATED!"
The ink, paint and shell have collasped into a swirling blob of
black and white covered by the now useless force field.
"RECONFIGURE STRUTUAL SETTINGS!
"I OBEY!"
The blobs start to reform into humanoid shapes.
"ANOMALY! RANDOM PIGMENTATION EVIDENT!"
With in the swirling blobs, streaks of tan, yellow, red, and blue
are seen. Watching in confusion, Davros can do nothing as the colors
settle out, form definite humanoid shapes, and then without warning the
consoles explode, and the blobs are upon him!
"Helloooooooo DAVROS!!!!"
"Seen any babes?"
"Like my hair?"
"Can we call you Dadoo?"
And the Warners on Davros see the Warners on the magnets and
immediately leap over.
Yakko two rushes over, "There's no waiter so we'll help
ourselves. Wakko, take over."
Wakko two opens wide and in a trice he has eaten three magents,
and three Dalek Technicians.
Dot looks herself over. "Why didn't anyone tell me I was so cute?
Want to take over Sister, Sister when we get home?"
Meanwhile, Wakko and Wakko are comparing the contents of their
Wacky sacks, pulling out bowling pins, Elvis, nuclear power plants, and
Pez, and the Yakko's are having a bad pun contest. He's winning.
"EXTERMINATE THEM!"
"WE OBEY!"
The three red Daleks turn and sends showers of dip hirtling at our
heroic sextet. Three of the Warners cringe, while the other three expand
into a living wall. The dip strikes them and runs down their chest will
no effect.
"Remember, you made us immune to Dip. Kinda dumb move don't ya
think."
"However, you are now vulnerable to kalik acid." Davros puches a
control and a torrent of liquid falls form the ceiling.
"But We're not!"
Quick as a flash, the original Warners leap up onto their siblings
shoulders with large yellow umbrellas, and the kailk acid runs off to the
floor to join the evergrowing puddle of goo.
"YOU FOOLS! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME! I AM DAVROS!" With that
lightning bolts fly from his hand and eye slamming into the Warners and
hurling them toward the puddle now caustic to all six. In unison both
Wakkos throw trampolines to the ground, all six bounce towards the
ceiling just before the trampoline dissolve. All six now cling from pipes
crisscrossing the ceiling.
"EXTERMINATE!"
The sibs all look at each other.
Yakko one: "I don't know how we're gonna get out of this one."
Yakko Two:" Me neither. I sure hope the writer thinks of
something!"
Until later, Richard "I was on hiatus too!" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs,rec.arts.drwho
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 8
Message-ID: <1995Oct8.171451.126516@forest>
Date: 8 Oct 95 17:14:51 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 118
Xref: news.wwa.com alt.tv.animaniacs:48271 rec.arts.drwho:92362
Scene: Davros's lab. All six Warners are clinging from pipes
crisscrossing the ceilings, while the three Dip Daleks are taking aim at
the originals while Davros is manipulating controls to aim more kalik
acid at the resistant Warners.
Y1: Well its been fun sibs. I guess we've had a fun life."
W2: I'm gonna miss you all!"
D2: Group hug!
All six Warners swing into a huge group hug with much sobbing and
patting.
D1,D2: I'm to cute to die!
Then, a loud, female British voice comes from the lab
entrance.
"Oy, Warners. Look sharp."
Davros wheels around. "What?!"
In a flash two silver spray deorderant cans fly through the air
and land in the center of the Dip Daleks. <<BOOM>> When the smoke
clears, nothing but ashes remains.
"Ace! Nitro-10, it is eh Perfessor?"
"We really must have that talk, Ace. But first things first."
The Doctor lunges forward and catches Davros's wrist with the
handle of his umbrella wrenching away from his control panel.
"Doctor, release me at once."
"Ah, Davros. I'm going to miss being able to do this to you."
"What do you mean by that?
"Oh, nothing." A faint smile crosses his face. Which quickly
turns to a grimace of pain as lightning pulses into the Doctor from
Davros' eye.
"I have you now Doctor. Now your secrets will be mine."
"Not so fast, raisin face. Drop the Doctor, or ahhhhh"
Davros's lightning caught her square in the chest.
"This is almost too easy."
"You got that right! Wakkos!"
Davros cuts the lightning and whirls around in time to get smashed
in the side by two mallets. Davros goes zinging about the lab bouncing
off the consoles like a pinball, which light up and go ping. Finally with
a Darvos "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he goes flying out the door which slams shut.
The Doctor gets up and looks at the Warners closely, and they
stare at him just as closely.
Doc: "Weren't there three of you?"
D2: "Weren't you taller?"
W1: "Got any candy? Those Jellybabies are mmm-mmm good."
Y1: "Whatever happened to Leela? Heeelllloooo Nurse!"
Doc: "Now I remember why I threw you out."
Y2: "Why did you comeback anyway?"
Doc: "Well, it took me 200 years but I started feeling guilty.
Besides, when Ace found out I knew you she had to meet you.
Y1: "You're a fan?"
Ace: "Even Perryvale's heard of the Warners."
Y2: "Well, all this mutual appreciation is cool and everything,
but do you guys have any idea how to get out of here?"
A quick look around the room shows only one door now blocked by a
large vault door.
Doc: "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. After all, Davros just
locked us in the main control room. Maybe he wants you to direct." The
Doctor grins almost manaically. "Go wild, Warners!"
Immediately all six Warner's dash for the controls, and monitor
come to life showing Davros outside with an assault squad of Daleks. The
Doctor rushes over.
"Ace, laser welder!"
"You got it." Ace reaches into her rucksack pulls out a small pen
-like device, and tosses it to the Doctor, who welds the door shut.
"That ought to buy us some time. Having fun Warners?"
The view from the monitor screens is answer enough. Out of the
walls have come two large ping-pong paddles which are playing with a Dlaek
as a ball. Two others have had their eyestalks glued together at the
tips, such that they twirl around singing the "MY VI-SION IS IM-PAIRED"
polka unitl they blast each other. Next a hologram of the Warner's
appears directly in front of Davros causing the Dip Daleks to fire. The
liquid goes right through the hologram and drenches Davros. Lastly, two
of the Daleks are wearing dresses with flowers stuffed into the laser
barrels. Five of the Warner's have collasped to the ground in laughter
while the sixth, Yakko two, is furiously working controls and clicking
computer windows. The Doctor ambles over.
"Just what are you doing?"
"Oh, just loading a rhyming dictionary, and thesaurus program
into the Dalek voice centers. EX-TERM-I-NATE! can get so boring after a
while."
Then all eight are rolling on the floor as they hear the Dalek
reinforcements blasting and chanting
"EXTERMINATE! O-BLI-TER-ATE! ANNI-HIL-ATE! RE-FRI-GER-ATE!
EX-TRAP-PO-LATE! IN-TE-GRATE!"
"WHAT IS HAPPENING?" Davros nearly in tears, (which is quite
impressive for a man with no eyes) just starts blasting randomly with
lightning bolts until all is silent except for the sounds of laughter
coming from behind the door.
"You have not won yet Doctor. I will.. What?" Davros looks down
at his control panel on which there is a gas gauge only with a Dalek
symbol instead of a gas pump with the needle pointing at E.
"All right, I guess you have won this time Doctor, but you have not
heard the last of me."
With that Davros wheels off down the corridor.
Scene: The Watertower The TARDIS has materialized inside the
Watertower which is alsl dimensionaly transcendentant which caused a huge
space-time anomaly which could have destroyed the entire universe except
that Wakko ate it. The Doctor and Ace spend a much needed laugh break
watching the Warner's ever expanding series of twin jokes. Finally,
however, he had to speak to them.
"Warners. I'm afraid I can't let the the Davros Warners. Stay
here.
"Why not? Their not evil or smelly or expensive." Cut to Wakko
2 eating the QE2. "Well their not evil or smelly."
"It's the laws of time I'm afraid. There cannot be two set of
Warners in this timestream. It could a bigger diaster than that OJ
thing."
"But, where would we go?
"Oh, I have a little job for you three. You can help rid a planet of
the worst pestilence known to toons.
"Talk show hosts?"
The Doctor thinks for a minute. "OK second biggest pestilence,
seriousness!"
"GASP! You've said the magic word, Doctor. Lets go."
The three pile into the TARDIS, followed by Ace and the Doctor.
Y1 "By the way what is the name of this vile locale?"
"Oh, a little planet known as Terra Squirrelia"
Rich "Stay tuned for the next exciting episode 'The Slappiness Patrol'"
DiTullio
From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 1
Message-ID: <1995Jul12.124311.123114@daniel>
Date: 12 Jul 95 12:43:11 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 50
The planet was a desolate wasteland. Nothing but sand and
rocks as far as the eye could see. Then a noise like a piano being
strangled, and with a characertisic TARDIS groan, the Water Tower
materializes on the planet. The door opens and from inside we hear.
"And stay out!"'
Yakko, Wakko, and Dot come flying out propelled by a large
boot and a piece of scarf. As the Warners pick themselves up, the
TARDIS Vworps back into the depths of space and time.
Yakko dusts himself off, "Humph! See if we ever fix his
chameleon circuit again."
Wakko helps Dot up. "Yeah, you know how hard it was to get
that lizard in there?"
"And we even put out the electrical fire.", Dot added.
"Well, there's no time to worry about that now. Where are we
anyway?"
The three survey the bleak landscape.
"Wakko, the map."
Wakko digs into his gag bag and comes out with a huge foldout
map of the universe. All three huddle around the map.
Yakko points, "Now we started here at Earth, took a small
jaunt to Mars and Pluto."
Wakko interrupts, "What about Uranus?"
Dot answers,"We already did that joke, Wakko. Remember?"
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"Then, we went to Amdromeda, turned left at Betelguese. And
now we're..."''
"'YOU WILL BE EX-TER-MI-NATED! EX-TERM-INATE! EX-TER"''
"Could you hold that thought please?", Dot said
sweetly, "We're trying to figure something out here."
They fall back to studying the map ignoring the Dalek for the
moment.
"EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
Its gun stick flares out and a blast of laser energy flies out
and obliterates the map revealing the Warners in mid-argument.
"Hey!" Yakko exclaimed, "I know where we are."
"Where?"
"In deep yogurt. Run!"
And with a collective AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! The Warners run off
with the Dalek in hot pursuit.
Richard "I'm new at this so please don't hurt me" DiTullio
P.S. Please send feedback on anything I write because I am very
insecure and appreciate the knowledge that I am actually amusing
someone out there. Of course I relaize that you people have busy
lives and can't respond to everything so if you don't I quite
understand. In fact, disregard this P.S. unless you agree with it in
which case don't. Thanx!
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 2
Message-ID: <1995Jul13.210638.123130@daniel>
Date: 13 Jul 95 21:06:38 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 57
The Warners tore across the landscape with the Dalek in hot
pursuit. With every step laser blasts turned chunks of rock and sand
to atoms.
" We'd better think of something quick," Yakko panted, " We
haven't gotten a laugh in over four lines."
Dot snaps her fingers. "How about the old Sir Yaksalot bit?"
"Worth a shot."
The Dalek closes in. "EX-TERMI-NATE! EX-TERMINATE! EX-TERM
ad infinitum..."
Yakko smiles. "Could someone please stop him from saying
exterminate?"
Right on cue a huge anvil comes down, strikes the Dalek with a
distinctive KLANG, and cracks in two halves one on either side of the
Dalek.
"EXTERMINATE!" The Dalek fires, and Wakko grabs the blast on
of the air, shakes some salt on it and eats it.
"Light snack. :)" Cut to Yakko on drums. "Ba dum. Bump. Ching."
Yakko gets a determined look on his face. "All right sibs.
Heart of Darkness mode. Go."
Yakko whips out two paddle balls and starts bouncing in
rythmic patterns. Wakko hefts his mallet, and Dot starts sucking on
all day lollipop.
"You don't really want to shoot us do you, you cute little
pepperpot noe do you?" Lick, lick, cute eyes on full power.
"EX-TERMI-NATE" and Dot's sucker disappears in a flash of
light.
"Let me take him, sibs." Yakko pushes to the forefront and
starts bouncing his paddle balls all over the Dalek constantly
knocking his gun stick aside. "Now, Wakko!"
Wakko leaps up and brings his mallet down directly on the
Dalek's eyestalk which goes flying.
"MY VISION IS IM-PAIRED! I CANNOT SEE! I CANNOT SEE!"
"You know what this means, sibs?" Wakko and Dot both nod
their head and in unison, all three start making gookie faces at the
Dalek, just as it fires blindly towards them leaving them with
blackened faces and despaired looks.
"And the moral of the story is: Don't taunt the blinded
obsessed alien being. Got that kids?"
Dot complains," I hate soot takes! I can never get this stuff
off." She takes out a hand mirror and examines herself. I look like
Robin the Raccoon! What do you think, Yakko?" Dot turns to her
brother just as the Dalek fires yet again. The blast fires out
bounces off the mirror, reflects off the pie plate Wakko has just
removed from his bag,
"Mmmmm. I love hot apple pie. Gulp."
and into the Dalek which explodes, throwing shards of armor
everywhere. Yakko bends over and picks up a hunk of armor.
"Look at this." Yakko flips the armor to show the following
inscription:
"Made by Davros Patent Pending If you are reading this you will
be exterminated. Void where prohibited."
"I think we've just found today's special friend!" And with
that the Warner's set out across the desert.
More to come.. Keep those comments coming!
Rick "I really like the middle name thing" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 3
Message-ID: <1995Jul25.180827.123227@daniel>
Date: 25 Jul 95 18:08:27 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 33
Scene: Dalek control. Sirens are going off everywhere. Two
Daleks are looking at the various instruments.
"ALERT! ALERT! A PATROL DALEK HAS BEEN DE-STROYED!"
"SENSORS IN-DI-CATE THREE HU-MAN-NOID LIFE-FORMS!"
"SEND UNIT SEVEN TO INVESTIGATE! INFORM THE EM-PER-OR!"
"I OBEY!"
Scene: The deserts of Scaro. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot are doing
a chariot take across the sands. Wakko is the horse, while Yakko is
scanning the skies with a telescope.
Yakko: I think I know where we are. You take a look, Dot.
Dot takes the scope and focuses on an asteroid with a sign
that reads "Welcome to Scaro. You will be exterminated."
Dot: Hmmm. Welcome to Scare-o. Sounds like an amusement
park.
Wakko: Maybe they have rides!
Yakko: Yeah, like the amazing Laser of Death rollercoaster!
YK&D: Let's go!
They all leap into the horse harness and zip across the
landscape, eventually approaching the shiny steel and glass building
that is Dalek control. In fact they arrive just as a Dalek emerges
from the front panel. It stops in the door and turns around surveying
the area.
Wakko: Look there's the park1 See the entrance with the
turnstyle!
Yakko: Last one there is a talk show host!
All three surge forward and zip past the Dalek running
through it like a turn style spinning it like Dizzy Devil. When the
smoke clears only the eyestalk is visible.
Dalek:ALERT! ALIENS IN THE COMPLEX! FULL ALERT!
Until next time, may your TARDIS always materialize in friendly
surroundings.
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 4
Message-ID: <1995Jul29.095326.123272@daniel>
Date: 29 Jul 95 09:53:26 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 92
Scene: Dalek Control Two Daleks are staring at monitors and
manipulating controls.
"IN-TRU-DERS HAVE PEN-E-TRATED TO LEVEL FOUR!"
"DE-FENSE SCREENS AC-TI-VA-TED! ASSUALT SQUADS ALPHA AND BETA
WILL GO TO LEVEL FOUR AND EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
"I O-BEY!"
Davros trundles into main control still in his
humanoid/wheelchair form.
"Report!"
"THREE HU-MA-NOIDS HAVE IN-VA-DED DA-LEK CON-TROL"
"ASSUALT SQUADS HAVE BEEN DEPLOYED! DEFENSE SCREENS
ACTIVATED!"
"Show me!"
A monitor lights up revealing the Warners in front of a
shifting gateway of lasers crisscrossing archway.
All three spin around and all in Calypso outfits, Wakko had
maracas, and Dot has those hand clickers and a bright skirt.
"Everybody Limbo!" Limbo rock starts playing in the background
as the bop and twist their way through the lasers, Wakko only pausing
to roast some hot dogs on the way through.
They next step on a panel and grat clouds of poison gas pour
into the room.
Yakko & Dot: "PU! Wakko!"
Wakko: "Pardon. Must have been the pineapple right side up
cake. Urp!"
Yakko: "Did we really need that? Well lets go on. Compared
to Wakko's sock drawer this is nothing. Onward!"
They walk down the corridor dodging fire, acid, lasers.
Wakko: "This must be the fun house!"
Yakko: "Why are you having fun?"
They run around the corner, and run smack dab into attack
squad Alpha all four of of them.
"IN-TRU-DERS LO-CATED! EX-TERM-I-NATE!"
Dot: "Not again! Why is it wherever we go something wants to
cause us extreme discomfort for no particular reason?"
Yakko: "Hey it wasn't my idea to visit Washington, Miss
Hellloooo JFK!"
Wakko: "Guys."
Dot: "Later, Wakko. And what about Egypt, o Pharoah of the
Brainless! I'm still picking scorpions out of hair."
Yakko: "But she was worth it, Heellllloooooo Cleo!"
Wakko: "Guys!"
Yakko: "Later, Wakko. Anyway, not everyone wanted to hurt
us, remember. The Salem police just wanted us tarred and feathered."
Wakko: "GUYS!"
Y&D: "What is it, Wakko!"'
They turn around to see Wakko with two tennis rackets in each
hands furiously backhanding laser blasts.
Wakko: "I canna hold her much longer Captain"
Yakko: "We -must- save -our friend. Dot, analysis."
Dot has whirled into a white lab coat complete with glasses,
pocket protector, and clipboard.
"According to my research, I believe the correct action would
be to help Wakko in some way, shape, or form."
"Could you be more vague?"
"No, Yakko. I don't think I can."
"Good, just checking. Well," Yakko takes out two drumsticks,
"Let's play!"
Yakko leaps up on Wakko and springs on top of the Daleks
heads. Balancing himself, he starts pounding out jazz rythms on the
Daleks, hitting the gunstalks every so often for high notes. Dot
watchs her brothers and then with a Slappyesqe grin on her face pulls
out two xylophone mallets, leaps onto a Dalek and starts playing
"Those Endearing Young Charms" And on those fateful two notes,, BOOM!
BOOM! and two Daleks go up in flames!
"RE-TREAT! FALL BACK! RE-GROUP! WITH-DRAW! WITH-DRAW!
Yakko: "Geez, how many words for run do you need anyway? I
mean yikes!"
Around the other corner comes attck squad Beta.
YW&D: "Scram. later, see ya, we're outta here." And with a
ZIP, they tear off down the corridor, after the other two Daleks that
retreated. They tear right by them with a passing, "Tag! Your it!",
and all six Daleks join together in pursuit of the Warners
Scene Dalek control
Davros watched the Warners antics with rapt attention
murruring to himself with every new trick the Warners played
"Superior agility, Body fluidity, Matter and energy creation.
Sensors even show time distortions. I must know more."
Davros hand flicked over his controls pouring through computer
logs and scanners.
"Sensors show that these creatures are made of nothing but ink
and paint! There is no organic material save what they create!
Fascinating. How can such power be contained in mere animated
drawings? Command all Daleks to hold off the intruders as long as
possible. Use the new holographic projectors to divert them from central
control.
"I OBEY!"
"Meanwhile, I must work out what to do our guests." With that
Davros trundles into his lab.
Rick "EX-TER-MI-NATE" DiTullio fan of all Animaniacs even
Hippos.
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From: rditulli@daniel.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 5
Message-ID: <1995Aug7.125524.123392@daniel>
Date: 7 Aug 95 12:55:24 ETST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 49
Scene: Dalek control Three Daleks are surrounding a monitor
and computer bank. The monitor shows the Warners fleeing the attack
squads heading directly for Dalek control.
"TARGETS LO-CA-TED. AC-TI-VA-TING NEURAL SCAN. PRO-BING."
Idea clouds appear above all three Warners and images flash by
in a chaotic frenzy.
"CANNOT COM-PUTE! UN-STABLE! BA-NA-NA! UN-DER-WEAR! BILL
CLINTON! NO PATTERN!
"EX-TERM-I-NATE!"
The other two Daleks turn on their malfunctioning comrade and
blast him to atoms.
"RE-ATTEMPT-ING SCAN. SWITCHING IN IRRATIONALITY BUFFERS.
PRO-BING. RECEIVING DATA."
Yakko's thought bubble focuses in on him in a dragon costume
onstage.
"NAUGH-TY FROG! HA-HA-HA-HA! STANDS IN THE CORNER! HA-HA!"
"EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
The laughing Dalek explodes revealing the blob like alien
inside, quivering and shaking. The remaining Dalek activates the
comminication system.
"EM-PER-OR! NEURAL SCAN TO IN-CON-STANT FOR DA-LEK
COM-PU-TATION. WHAT IS YOUR CO-MMAND?"
"Route the scan's data directly to my lab."
"I OBEY!"
"And focus the scan on the pleasure center of the brain."
Cut to Davros's lab where he is pouring over reams of data on
a computer monitor.
"Aaaah. I understand. Such simple desires."
Davros flips on his communicator switch. "Control unit three.
Configure the holographic projectors to display the following
images." Davros uses a trakball like device to send several images
from the screen to the Dalek. "Use them and the attack squads to herd
them to level 12."
"I OBEY!"
Davros again uses his trakball to pull down an image of
another Dalek.
"Dalek technician 12, reconfigure your equipment to the
following parameters. Activate on my command."
"I OBEY!"
Davros gestures again eith the trakball and his scanner
focuses on a Dalek production line.
"Production team gamma, make the following adjustments to the
weaponry systems and sensory equipment to the next five Daleks
created."
"WE OBEY!"
"Now, all should be in readiness. The powers of these unique
creatures shall be mine."
More to come quite soon.
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 6
Message-ID: <1995Aug9.202448.123444@forest>
Date: 9 Aug 95 20:24:48 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 104
Scene: Corridor of Dalek control The six Dalek attack squad is still
pursuing our heroes.
"EX-TERM-I-NATE!" Six laser blasts lash out at our heroes. Wakko
catches all six in an enormous humburger bun, and eats it.
"Light meal." Ba dum bum. Ching!
The Warners arrive at a four way intersection.
Dot: "Which way should we go?"
Yakko hops up and suspends himself in midair while changing into a
scarcrow costume.
Yakko: "Well, some go this way, and some go that way, but most people
eventually go both ways."
Meanwhile, Wakko burps sending dangerous shockwaves through the Daleks
circuitry. He shakes up a cola bottle.
Wakko: "You'd better decide quick. I'm out of cola."
Dot looks down each corridor.
Dot: "Hmmmm. Nothing straight ahead. Nothing to the left. Noth-"
Dot's eyes bug out of her head, and her chin drops to the floor
allowing her tongue to roll out like a red carpet.
Yakko: "What is it, sis?" Yakko looks and sees a scene out of Dot's
secret diary (the one under her bed in the pet box that she thinks noone reads.)
There stands Mel Gibson, looking tan and muscular wearing only jeans and a blue
button down shirt half open. He is holding a clothes hanger on which is a
purple sequined dress just Dot's size.
Mel: "I have always loved you Dot. Come to me."
Dot: "HELLO NURSE!" She goes to leap into Mel's outstrecthed arms but
is held back by Yakko grabbing her at the last second so that she rubber band
streches, then snaps back hurling both of them into the wall. Dot immediately
leaps up and runs toward Mel, but grabs ahold of her skirt, so that she merely
runs in place.
Yakko: "Think a minute, sis. He can't be real."
Dot: "Why not? He sure look real enough to me. Hello Nurse!"
Yakko: "How could he get all the way out here?"
Dot: "Maybe the Doctor brought him? Maybe he took an intergalactic
bus? Who cares? Hello Nurse!"
Yakko holds on with both hands and digs in with his feet.
Yakko: "I won't let you go and make a fool of yourself."
Dot's eyes narrow and she turns her head
Dot: "Don't make me hurt you, Yakko. You're messing with a woman in
love and I'll turn you into pizza topping."
Yakko: "Wakko, get over here quick. Dot's gone nuts over Mel Gibson."
Wakko: "Not again. Be right there. Now you guys stay put. I'll be
back." All of the Daleks are covered in bubble gum and furiously blasting away
to free themselves from each other and the wall.
Yakko and Wakko each have Dot by one arm, and are dragging her away.
Yakko: "Now, sis, this is for your own good. You he isn't re-"
Wakko: "What's wrong Yak-"
Yakko and Wakko turn there heads and notice two figures standing next
to Mel. It was their dream come true. Not only was Ms. Nurse beckoning them
over, but she was a twin! One wore a stewardess outfit and lounged by an open
refrigerator overflowing with food. The second Nurse was dressed in the french
maid outfit, and waved a contract toward Yakko that would give him his own talk
show.
Yakko and Wakko drop Dot with a thump and just stare for awhile panting
and drooling.
Yakko: "You know, I always felt reality was overrated!
YW&D: "HELLO NURSE!"
And with a bounding leap they all left into their respective dreams
arms only to land on the hard floor of the corridor. They looked up in
disappointment only to find them farther down the corridor.
Yakko (with French accent): She plays hard to get, no? If she
will lead I will follow."
The leading company of Nurse, Nurse, and Mel lead the Warner's on a
merry chase through the complex until at last the Warner's and their dreams
find themselves in a Dalek construction area with all sorts of large whirring
machines.
Nurse: "Oooh. Now I'm ready. Soup's on Wakko."
Nurse2: "Oooh. Time to clean up that dirty mind Yakko." (Waves feather
duster)
Mel: "Come to me, Dot, and I shall be your Lethal Weapon."
And with a collective "HELLO NURSE!" they again leap only to be
pulled to the side. They slam against a large metal disk. All three struggle
but find that their hands, feet, and face are stuck to the disk.
Yakko: "Hey, what's going on here?"
"A rather well orchestrated trap, if I do say so myself."
Davros trundles into the room with a guard of three Daleks behind him.
"The neucleonic magnet to which are attached has been specifically
calibrated to attract titanium dioxide, a key ingredient in white paint."
Yakko: "So you did well on your SAT's. Swell. But why are we here
doing a flypaper demonstration when we should be lunching with the babes of
the century?"
"You have very unique talents that I wish to study."
Yakko looks self-important. "And you guys thought paddle ball was
silly. Old no legs here appreciates it."
"I wish to hear no more from your prattling tongue!"
Wakko: "Then how about mine, Blue-Eye?"
Dot: "Or mine?" Dot twists and sees Darvos for the first time.
"DEE-GUSTING! Have you ever considered a Mary-Kay makeover?
Yakko: "Or maybe a paper bag over your head?"
"Dalek technician activate secondary attraction pattern."
"I OBEY!"
The Dalek twists a control knob, and the Warners find their tongues
also stuck to the magnet
"Much better. I will need to concentrate if I am to distill the essence
from these creatures. Think of it. Dalek's able to create matter, resist
lasers, even bend the laws of the material universe to suit their needs at the
time as you do. You three will insure the supremecy of the Dalek race. Bring
them to my lab."
"WE OBEY!"
And as the Warner's are led away, you see for the first time a look of
abject terror on their faces.
Enjoy, enjoy. More to come.
Richard "Keep those letters coming!" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs,rec.arts.drwho
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 7
Message-ID: <1995Sep23.165726.124901@forest>
Date: 23 Sep 95 16:57:26 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 129
Xref: news.wwa.com alt.tv.animaniacs:47117 rec.arts.drwho:89783
Scene: Davros's lab. The Warners are now each stuck to their
own seperate magnetic disk, each has a Dalek technician controlling them.
Davros is again at his computer bank with a guard of three Daleks painted
red and black. Davros turns towards the Warners.
"Release Wakko."
"I OBEY!"
Wakko drops to the floor with a thump, gets up, and rubs his butt.
"My keister hurts!"
"You have the ability to create matter from nothing."
"You mean like this? <<URP!>> Pardon."
"No you fool! From that sack you carry, your gag bag I believe
you call it. Be so kind as to produce something for me."'
"Like what?"
"Anything."
"Anything?"'
"ANYTHING!"
"O.K." Wakko pulls out his gag bag, roots deep in the bottom of
it, and pulls out the World's Biggest Mallet (tm).
Davros turns calmly to one of the Daleks at his side.
"Disarm him."
"I OBEY!"
The Dalek turns and fires a concentrated spray of fluid. It
strikes the mallet which dissolves, leaving Wakko covered in a film of
yellow paint, and stinging acid.
Wakko screams and pulls out the World's Largest Glass of Water
(patent pending) which he dives in. He comes to the surface of the water
gasping.
"What is that stuff?"
"A mixture of acetone, turpentine and benzene. I believe you know
it as Dip." Davros pauses while the look of terror returns to the
Warner's faces. "I hope this demonstration will be enough to convince to
follow orders. Restrain him!"
Wakko once again finds himself stuck to the magnet.
"Now we shall begin." Davros presses a button, and we go into a
montage of tests being performed on the Warners. Yakko hooked up to
electrodes, Wakko eating expolsives until he a makes a gookie, Dot's
flower dissolved to analyze its makeup, and the endless search for any
internal organs. Finally, all three fall unconscious.
When they come to, they see a large Dalek construction line behind
a Plexiglass shield. In the center there are three Dalek shells, metallic
skeletons awaiting the outer armor and internal alien. Davros and several
Daleks are bustling around various control panels.
"Ahhhh, you are awake. I am pleased that you woke up in time to witness
what you have allowed. By siponing your life force into these Dalekanium
shells, these Daleks shall have your powers, my technology, and immunity
to every known weapon in existence. ACTIVATE PRODUCTION!"
"I OBEY!"
Electrical force fields spring up around the Dalek shells. Black
and white paint pour over the shells, shaped by the fields into
alternating black and white bands up and down the Dalek.
"FIELD HOLDING! INK AND PAINT HAVE STABILIZED! STAND BY TO
ENERGIZE!"
"ACTIVATE ESSENCE DRAIN!"
Tongues of electrical flame play over the Warners body. All three
twitch and writhe under the force of the Drain. Gradually the Warner's
start fading getting lighter and lighter, until the the black and white
become light and dark gray and their noses become faded pink.
"DISCONTINUE DRAIN! We do not want them dead just yet. ACTIVATE
INTEGRATION."
Waves of energy from the Warners surge through the shells. The
paint ripples, bubbles, and finally fuses along the shells as armor
plates. Bubbles bulge out and form the bottom sections of the Daleks.
Then cylindrical tubes start forming from the midsection. First come the
suction cup arm, and then the lasers start to form, first the ball and
socket base and then.
"ALERT! ANOMALY! LASERS WILL NOT FORM!"
"SHIFT FIELDS TO COMPENSATE!"
"I OBEY!"
The lasr arm starts forming coerced by the fields, but the suction
cup arm starts shrinking in.
"FULL POWER ON MIDSECTION FORMING FIELDS!"
"I OBEY!"'
Now both suction cup and gun have formed, but the entire shell
starts to shake and wobble.
"WARNING FIELDS NOT HOLDING!"
"INSTIBILITY! STRUCTUAL COLLASPE INSTIGATED!"
The ink, paint and shell have collasped into a swirling blob of
black and white covered by the now useless force field.
"RECONFIGURE STRUTUAL SETTINGS!
"I OBEY!"
The blobs start to reform into humanoid shapes.
"ANOMALY! RANDOM PIGMENTATION EVIDENT!"
With in the swirling blobs, streaks of tan, yellow, red, and blue
are seen. Watching in confusion, Davros can do nothing as the colors
settle out, form definite humanoid shapes, and then without warning the
consoles explode, and the blobs are upon him!
"Helloooooooo DAVROS!!!!"
"Seen any babes?"
"Like my hair?"
"Can we call you Dadoo?"
And the Warners on Davros see the Warners on the magnets and
immediately leap over.
Yakko two rushes over, "There's no waiter so we'll help
ourselves. Wakko, take over."
Wakko two opens wide and in a trice he has eaten three magents,
and three Dalek Technicians.
Dot looks herself over. "Why didn't anyone tell me I was so cute?
Want to take over Sister, Sister when we get home?"
Meanwhile, Wakko and Wakko are comparing the contents of their
Wacky sacks, pulling out bowling pins, Elvis, nuclear power plants, and
Pez, and the Yakko's are having a bad pun contest. He's winning.
"EXTERMINATE THEM!"
"WE OBEY!"
The three red Daleks turn and sends showers of dip hirtling at our
heroic sextet. Three of the Warners cringe, while the other three expand
into a living wall. The dip strikes them and runs down their chest will
no effect.
"Remember, you made us immune to Dip. Kinda dumb move don't ya
think."
"However, you are now vulnerable to kalik acid." Davros puches a
control and a torrent of liquid falls form the ceiling.
"But We're not!"
Quick as a flash, the original Warners leap up onto their siblings
shoulders with large yellow umbrellas, and the kailk acid runs off to the
floor to join the evergrowing puddle of goo.
"YOU FOOLS! YOU CANNOT DEFEAT ME! I AM DAVROS!" With that
lightning bolts fly from his hand and eye slamming into the Warners and
hurling them toward the puddle now caustic to all six. In unison both
Wakkos throw trampolines to the ground, all six bounce towards the
ceiling just before the trampoline dissolve. All six now cling from pipes
crisscrossing the ceiling.
"EXTERMINATE!"
The sibs all look at each other.
Yakko one: "I don't know how we're gonna get out of this one."
Yakko Two:" Me neither. I sure hope the writer thinks of
something!"
Until later, Richard "I was on hiatus too!" DiTullio
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From: rditulli@forest.drew.edu
Newsgroups: alt.tv.animaniacs,rec.arts.drwho
Subject: The Warnerization of the Daleks Part 8
Message-ID: <1995Oct8.171451.126516@forest>
Date: 8 Oct 95 17:14:51 EST
Organization: Drew University
Lines: 118
Xref: news.wwa.com alt.tv.animaniacs:48271 rec.arts.drwho:92362
Scene: Davros's lab. All six Warners are clinging from pipes
crisscrossing the ceilings, while the three Dip Daleks are taking aim at
the originals while Davros is manipulating controls to aim more kalik
acid at the resistant Warners.
Y1: Well its been fun sibs. I guess we've had a fun life."
W2: I'm gonna miss you all!"
D2: Group hug!
All six Warners swing into a huge group hug with much sobbing and
patting.
D1,D2: I'm to cute to die!
Then, a loud, female British voice comes from the lab
entrance.
"Oy, Warners. Look sharp."
Davros wheels around. "What?!"
In a flash two silver spray deorderant cans fly through the air
and land in the center of the Dip Daleks. <<BOOM>> When the smoke
clears, nothing but ashes remains.
"Ace! Nitro-10, it is eh Perfessor?"
"We really must have that talk, Ace. But first things first."
The Doctor lunges forward and catches Davros's wrist with the
handle of his umbrella wrenching away from his control panel.
"Doctor, release me at once."
"Ah, Davros. I'm going to miss being able to do this to you."
"What do you mean by that?
"Oh, nothing." A faint smile crosses his face. Which quickly
turns to a grimace of pain as lightning pulses into the Doctor from
Davros' eye.
"I have you now Doctor. Now your secrets will be mine."
"Not so fast, raisin face. Drop the Doctor, or ahhhhh"
Davros's lightning caught her square in the chest.
"This is almost too easy."
"You got that right! Wakkos!"
Davros cuts the lightning and whirls around in time to get smashed
in the side by two mallets. Davros goes zinging about the lab bouncing
off the consoles like a pinball, which light up and go ping. Finally with
a Darvos "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he goes flying out the door which slams shut.
The Doctor gets up and looks at the Warners closely, and they
stare at him just as closely.
Doc: "Weren't there three of you?"
D2: "Weren't you taller?"
W1: "Got any candy? Those Jellybabies are mmm-mmm good."
Y1: "Whatever happened to Leela? Heeelllloooo Nurse!"
Doc: "Now I remember why I threw you out."
Y2: "Why did you comeback anyway?"
Doc: "Well, it took me 200 years but I started feeling guilty.
Besides, when Ace found out I knew you she had to meet you.
Y1: "You're a fan?"
Ace: "Even Perryvale's heard of the Warners."
Y2: "Well, all this mutual appreciation is cool and everything,
but do you guys have any idea how to get out of here?"
A quick look around the room shows only one door now blocked by a
large vault door.
Doc: "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that. After all, Davros just
locked us in the main control room. Maybe he wants you to direct." The
Doctor grins almost manaically. "Go wild, Warners!"
Immediately all six Warner's dash for the controls, and monitor
come to life showing Davros outside with an assault squad of Daleks. The
Doctor rushes over.
"Ace, laser welder!"
"You got it." Ace reaches into her rucksack pulls out a small pen
-like device, and tosses it to the Doctor, who welds the door shut.
"That ought to buy us some time. Having fun Warners?"
The view from the monitor screens is answer enough. Out of the
walls have come two large ping-pong paddles which are playing with a Dlaek
as a ball. Two others have had their eyestalks glued together at the
tips, such that they twirl around singing the "MY VI-SION IS IM-PAIRED"
polka unitl they blast each other. Next a hologram of the Warner's
appears directly in front of Davros causing the Dip Daleks to fire. The
liquid goes right through the hologram and drenches Davros. Lastly, two
of the Daleks are wearing dresses with flowers stuffed into the laser
barrels. Five of the Warner's have collasped to the ground in laughter
while the sixth, Yakko two, is furiously working controls and clicking
computer windows. The Doctor ambles over.
"Just what are you doing?"
"Oh, just loading a rhyming dictionary, and thesaurus program
into the Dalek voice centers. EX-TERM-I-NATE! can get so boring after a
while."
Then all eight are rolling on the floor as they hear the Dalek
reinforcements blasting and chanting
"EXTERMINATE! O-BLI-TER-ATE! ANNI-HIL-ATE! RE-FRI-GER-ATE!
EX-TRAP-PO-LATE! IN-TE-GRATE!"
"WHAT IS HAPPENING?" Davros nearly in tears, (which is quite
impressive for a man with no eyes) just starts blasting randomly with
lightning bolts until all is silent except for the sounds of laughter
coming from behind the door.
"You have not won yet Doctor. I will.. What?" Davros looks down
at his control panel on which there is a gas gauge only with a Dalek
symbol instead of a gas pump with the needle pointing at E.
"All right, I guess you have won this time Doctor, but you have not
heard the last of me."
With that Davros wheels off down the corridor.
Scene: The Watertower The TARDIS has materialized inside the
Watertower which is alsl dimensionaly transcendentant which caused a huge
space-time anomaly which could have destroyed the entire universe except
that Wakko ate it. The Doctor and Ace spend a much needed laugh break
watching the Warner's ever expanding series of twin jokes. Finally,
however, he had to speak to them.
"Warners. I'm afraid I can't let the the Davros Warners. Stay
here.
"Why not? Their not evil or smelly or expensive." Cut to Wakko
2 eating the QE2. "Well their not evil or smelly."
"It's the laws of time I'm afraid. There cannot be two set of
Warners in this timestream. It could a bigger diaster than that OJ
thing."
"But, where would we go?
"Oh, I have a little job for you three. You can help rid a planet of
the worst pestilence known to toons.
"Talk show hosts?"
The Doctor thinks for a minute. "OK second biggest pestilence,
seriousness!"
"GASP! You've said the magic word, Doctor. Lets go."
The three pile into the TARDIS, followed by Ace and the Doctor.
Y1 "By the way what is the name of this vile locale?"
"Oh, a little planet known as Terra Squirrelia"
Rich "Stay tuned for the next exciting episode 'The Slappiness Patrol'"
DiTullio