VILLAGE OF THE TOONED

or

THE BURBANK KOO-KOOS

an Animaniacs Tale of Terror
by "Furry"


Prologue:

Slappy Squirrel was sitting in her favorite easy
chair, sipping a cup of tea and browsing her Reader's
Digest Condensed version of 'The Anarchist Cookbook', when
her little nephew Skippy wandered into their treehouse.
"Hi Aunt Slappy!" he said cheerfully.
"How was school today, Skippy?" Slappy asked, not
bothering to look up. "Learn anything useful?"
"You bet!" Skippy said, putting his bookbag down.
"Today we learned where babies come from."

"PPFFFBBBTT!!!!!!"

"Hey, neat spit-take, Aunt Slappy! Can I try that?"
"No!" Slappy snapped. "Er, you was saying something
about babies?"
"Yeah. Today the teacher told us all about the
stork," Skippy said as he walked into the kitchen and
started to raid the cookie jar. "You know, how he carries
bundles with babies in them and leaves them on new mothers'
doorsteps?"
"Oh, yeah," Slappy said. "Well, it could've been
worse--you might have had Joycelin Elders for a
substitute."
Skippy came back with several fistfuls of cookies and
went over to the window. He set the cookies down on the
sill and started staring out up at the sky.
"Trying to find that stork?" Slappy asked, smiling.
"Yeah, Aunt Slappy," Skippy said eagerly. "That'd be
neat!"
"Well, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about
it," Slappy said. "He's about as tricky as old Saint Nick.
Even I've never seen him."

Late that night, a winged figure flapped through the
darkened skies over the Warner Brothers Studio. It went
unnoticed except by a large chicken, whose bright, sharp
eyes recognized it immediately. It was a stork, on its way
to make a delivery. The chicken noticed that there was
something different about this stork. Different, and
wrong.
Maybe there was something...unwholesome...in the
gleam of its eyes, or perhaps the way it flapped its wings
seemed strange and unnatural. Whatever the reason, the
apparition sent shivers up the chicken's spine. "Buk--
BuKAWW!!!" he shrieked, running around in fright. It
dashed here and there, trying to alert its neighbors to the
terror flying overhead.

But of course, being a giant chicken, no one took it
seriously.




Chapter One

Dawn came and sent a shaft of light through the
skylight in the Warner Brothers Studio Water Tower. It
slanted downward and rested on a bed, where, tucked in
admidst the frilly sheets, Dot Warner lay slumbering. It
fell on her face, gently coaxing her awake. She sat up,
stretched and yawned, and now fully awake, bounced out of
bed. She looked over at the far end of the bedroom where
her brothers Yakko and Wakko were still fast asleep in
their own beds. As usual, Wakko was snoring, and Yakko was
mumbling to himself. Deciding not to bother waking them,
Dot padded out of the bedroom in her nightgown and
slippers.
She headed towards the kitchen when she heard it.
Pricking up her ears, she walked slowly over to the Water
Tower door, and opened it. There, on the walkway in front
of the door, was a little basket. And in the basket was a
small baby, gurgling and cooing.

Its fur was all white, and it had deep blue eyes.
However, it had floppy ears and a floppy tail, the cutest
little cheek tufts, and a red button nose. Big paw-like
feet and little three-fingered hands complete with gloves
made the indentification certain. There was no mistaking
what species it was.

The Warner Sister reached down and gathered up the
little Warner baby in her arms. She just stared at it,
shocked speechless.
As she stood there holding the infant, Yakko and
Wakko, now awake, wandered over to see what was going on.
Wakko looked at tiny bundle and whispered, "Faboo!"
Yakko just stared at Dot and said, "Er, Sis, is there
something you should be telling us?"

*****************************

Similar surprises were occuring at other homes around
the studio lot. Apparently the stork had made more than
one delivery that night:

Flavio Hippo stood in the bathroom, brushing his
teeth and gargling with Acmevian artesian spring water,
when his wife Marita walked in. "Flavio, darling, I think
we need to talk," she said in a distressed voice.
"Whatever is it, my delicate morning glor--" Flavio
said as he turned to face Marita. He stopped dead when he
saw the baby hippo in Marita's arms.
"Is this supposed to be fashionable?" Marita asked,
truly perplexed. She handed the child to her husband.
Flavio looked down at the little white, roly-poly,
blue-eyed hippo girl. "How enchanting," he said at last.
"Why Marita, don't you know? Parenthood is the 'in' thing
these days." Smiling at his wife, he added, "What a
wonderful accessory to our lifestyles, no?"

Runt wandered into the studio back alley that (for
the present) served as his and Rita's home. "Rita? Are
you awake, Rita?" he asked.
He saw Rita curled up on top of a cardboard box.
Going over to her, he looked at amazement at his dear
friend. She was quietly nursing a tiny, snow-white kitten.
She stared at the little creature, and then looked up at
Runt with a dazed, misty-eyed smile.
"Oh," Runt said softly. "Oh, Rita..."

"Brain? Oh Brain!?!" Pinky shouted. "Lookie here!"
The Brain sat up from the small nest he used in one
corner of the ACME Laboratory animal cage the two
experimental mice shared. "It is early, Pinky," he said in
his usual cross monotone. "Too early to be up after a hard
night of attempted world domination."
"But you've got to see this, Brain!" Pinky said with
excitement.
"What is it, Pinky?" the Brain asked sullenly. He
was answered by his partner holding up a small white baby
mouse.
"Look, Brain," Pinky gushed. "I'm a mum! NARF!!"
The Brain stared at his friend, a slight nervous tic
his only reaction. "Where did you get that...that..." he
started.
"It's a boy, Brain," Pinky added helpfully.
"...that child, Pinky?" the Brain finished.
"The stork brought it!" Pinky replied. "Zounds,
Brain--I thought you knew about the stork, surely?"
Looking down at the little mouseling, he whispered,
"Kootchie-kootchie-koo!" To the Brain, he added, "I think
he has your ears."
The Brain hurled himself at Pinky and grabbed him by
the shoulders. "Pinky--think!" he shouted. "We are two
MALE lab mice. What you are suggesting is not only
personally repugnant, it is biologically impossible! Now
get rid of that thing!"
"POIT!" Pinky said as the Brain grabbed him. "Get
rid of him?" he asked, shocked. "But Brain--he's my son!"
"That...is...absurd, Pinky," the Brain snapped. "It
probably belongs to Billy down the hall. Now I don't want
to hear any more of your foolishness."
"It can't be hers, Brain," Pinky said defiantly. "It
was on our doorstep. Face it--I'm a mother, and that's
that!"
The Brain just sat down and held his head. "I need
an aspirin," he groaned.

Skippy Squirrel woke up to the sound of his Aunt
Slappy shouting, "WHAT THE HOOEY-MANURE IS GOING ON HERE?
THAT LOUSY RAZZAFRACKIN' EXCUSE FOR A WRITER!! WHEN I GET
MY HANDS ON HIM, I'M GONNA..." Skippy's delicate child's
ears burned as he heard words not approved by the Fox
censors. Holding his hands over them, he rushed down to
see what the commotion was about.
There, in the thick blue fog formed by Slappy's
curses, he saw his aunt standing in the doorway over a
little basket. He went over to the basket, and saw a tiny
white-furred baby squirrel. It looked up at Skippy with
big blue eyes and giggled.
Skippy stood there, entranced by the little squirrel.
Finally he looked up at Slappy. "The stork, right?" he
asked.
"Yeah, kid--the stork," Slappy sighed. "Say 'hi' to
your new cousin."

Minerva Mink woke up, got out of bed, took a long,
luxurious shower, brushed her thick, silky fur, and put on
one of her more sexy outfits--the cute pink number she had
bought for jogging the other day. Stepping out the front
door of her home in the hollow log beside Acme Pond, she
nearly tripped over the small basket on the doorstep. She
looked down and saw the beautiful little blonde, blue-eyed
baby mink, gurgling and cooing up at her.
Minerva's eyes rolled up in her head, and she passed
out cold.




Chapter Two

"But...but...he CAN'T be mine!" Dot cried.
"I'm sorry, Dot," Miss Nurse said gently. "But the
tests are conclusive. You're the mother of a healthy baby
boy."
"But I'm too young and too CUTE to be a mother!" Dot
wailed, almost in tears. She looked down at the little
Warner in her arms and shook her head.

"You think YOU have problems, kid..." Slappy said as
she walked into the Warner Brothers Studio infirmery.
Holding the baby squirrel up for Miss Nurse to see, she
asked, "What do you make of this, toots?"
Dot stared at the frail old squirrel with the little
baby in her bony arms. Despite her own predicament, the
Warner Sister couldn't help but giggle slightly. Blushing
immediately, she said, "I'm--I'm sorry, Slappy."
"Not half as sorry as the joker responsible for this
is going to be," the old squirrel growled.
Slappy felt something brush against her ankles. She
looked down and saw Rita with her kitten in her mouth,
holding the little thing by the scruff of its neck. The
cat looked up at Miss Nurse with a puzzled expression.
"You too, kid?" Slappy asked.

The three new mothers were soon joined by the other
three. Flavio and Marita strolled in, beaming with joy.
Marita was holding the baby up and showing her off to
everyone on the lot, and Flavio was busy handing out pink
bubble-gum cigars. "Great news, people! Wonderful news!"
he proclaimed to anyone within earshot. "The world is
graced today by another Hippopotomus Trendolius! It is a
cause for rejoicing, is it not?"

"I am gratified to see that SOMEONE is pleased by
this turn of events," the Brain said grimly. He had half-
dragged Pinky and 'his' new baby to the infirmery.
"Personally, I find the whole affair ridiculous in the
extreme!" he added bitterly.
"Aw, Brain, you just have to get used to it," Pinky
said. "I know it'll take some adjusting..."
"Enough, Pinky!" Brain snapped. Turning to Miss
Nurse, he said, "You are a qualified medical practitioner.
Would you kindly explain to my partner here the
impossibility of his so-called 'motherhood'?"

Finally Minerva walked, or rather staggered, in. She
looked like she had just received the business end of 'The
Anvil Chorus'. Showing the baby mink to Miss Nurse, she
mumbled, "Homina...homina...homina..."

******************************

As efficient as always, Miss Nurse performed the
necessary tests. The results were unmistakable. "These
are indeed your children," she explained to the new
mothers. "Even Pinky's--don't ask me how. I can't explain
the white fur and blue eyes either, but they're not a
defect," she added. "It's as if the children were all
siblings somehow. But they are all perfectly healthy, and
normal in every way."

And so it was that six new members joined the cast of
Animaniacs. There were three boys: Smakko, the son of
Dot; Rory, the son of Rita; and Dinky, the son of Pinky--
and three girls: Spunky, the daughter of Slappy; Elan, the
daughter of Marita; and Melody, the daughter of Minerva.
Mr. Plotz, the studio CEO, reluctantly signed them on as
extras. "Maybe we can find SOME use for them," he said to
Dr. Scratchinsniff later that day.
"Hoo boy," the studio psychiatrist replied. "This
whole thing iz koo-koo, Mr. Plotz."
"Koo-koo," Plotz said quietly. A gleam formed in his
eyes. "Yes, that's it!" he said more enthusiastically.
"We'll call them the Koo-Koos! It'll be a new children's
cartoon!"



Chapter Three

Time passed, and the new mothers adjusted to the
situation, each in their own way.

Rita was the first to make the transition. Her
feline maternal instincts had overwhelmed her the moment
she saw Rory. Before the day was out she was acting as if
she had raised kittens all of her life.
Runt was very understanding, in his usual blundering
way. That evening, as he and Rita wandered back to their
back alley home, he said, "He's a beautiful puppy, isn't
he, Rita?"
Rita didn't look up; she was too absorbed in her own
thoughts. "Hmm? Oh yes," she said. "A beautiful puppy,
that's for sure." She didn't feel like explaining; this
day was confusing enough as it was.
"Do you think he has my paws?" Runt asked casually.
Rita stopped short. "Runt, what kind of dumb
question is..." she started to ask, and then suddenly it
hit her. "You...don't think..." she added slowly.
"I think he has my paws," Runt said confidently.
"And my nose. Definitely--definitely my nose."
Rita shook her head in disbelief. She was about to
make a smart remark when Runt cut her short. He puffed
himself up, and said, "Er, Rita...I've been thinking..."
That's bad news, Rita thought.
"Er, I dunno how to say this," Runt continued,
"but......would you let me help you raise our puppy?"
Rita was stunned speechless for a moment. Then she
asked, "Runt, are you proposing to me?"
"Ummm...yes, Rita," Runt replied. "Would you marry
me?"
"Runt, I don't know how to put this to you, but..."
Rita started to say. Then she looked in her friend's eyes.
They held each other's gaze for what seemed like eternity.
Finally, Rita said softly, "Okay. But if you start calling
me 'Mrs. Runt', forget it, ya got it?"
"Er, got it," Runt said. "I do?" he half-asked, half
said.
"I do," Rita replied, snuggling up next to him.

Flavio and Marita were overjoyed by their new
daughter. Never was there a toon child that had so much
lavished on her. Marita insisted on dressing Elan in the
finest designer baby togs, while Flavio's purchases single-
handedly caused the stock of the YUO Lotz toy company to
skyrocket.
"I wonder if we've forgotten something?" Marita asked
as they carted in the bags and bags of stuff.
"Diapers, madam?" Miss Giraffe, the housekeeper,
asked calmly.
"Diapers?" Marita asked in confusion.
"You've noticed the little one needs changing,
haven't you madam?" Miss Giraffe coaxed her.
"Changing?" Marita asked, feeling distressed.
"And she'll need feeding, and bathing this evening,
and oh I don't know what else."
"Er, this is beginning to sound very un-chic..."
"Don't worry, my pet," Flavio said confidently. "I'm
sure Miss Giraffe here will tend to these annoying little
details."
"Oh, I will, will I sir?" Miss Giraffe retorted.
"And if I said no, sir? What then, sir?"
"Ah...is it too much to ask?" Flavio asked humbly.
He remembered the last time Miss Giraffe walked out on
them, and something told him that this might be even more
serious.
"Well..." Miss Giraffe pondered, "I might consider
it, sir--for a healthy raise, that is."
"How healthy?" Flavio asked warily.
Miss Giraffe leaned down and whispered in his ear.
He suddenly turned as white as little Elan. "But that's...
that's..." he started to say, and then he saw the way
Marita was looking at him.
"That's quite appropriate," Flavio said hastily.
"Nothing but the finest in nannies for our child!"

Pinky appeared to adjust to 'motherhood' quite well,
surprisingly. Like most things, it didn't seem to make
much of an impression on him. As for the Brain, he decided
to try and ignore the whole situation. "I find myself
faced with a fait accompli, Pinky," he tried to explain.
"How annoying."
"Fait accompli, Brain?" Pinky asked. "I hear that's
good on pizza..."
"Pinky, if I thought you capable of it, I would say
you did this just to get back at me for that 'don't
reproduce' remark," the Brain replied sourly.
"Nonetheless, I will not let this deter me. I expect,
however, that you will not your 'delicate condition'
interfere with our plans for world conquest--do I make
myself clear?"
"Right-o, Brain," Pinky said, dandling his child.
"Look on the bright side--now you have two assistants!"
The Brain just turned away, shuddering.

Not all of the new mothers adjusted as well, however.
A few days after the 'blessed events', Minerva suddenly
took an unannounced leave of absence from the studio.
Plotz was about about to call in the police to investigate,
when he received a postcard from her. It was a long,
rambling, and almost incoherent diatribe, but the gist of
it was that Minerva had decided to quit acting and retire
from the world. She had run off to stay with the Wally
Llama and was trying to "find herself."
"Figures, that worthless..." Slappy groused when word
of Minerva's dissapearence reached her.
"Don't be hard on her, Slappy," Dot replied softly.
"I've felt like doing the same thing."

Slappy looked at the young mother with sympathy. Dot
was probably the worst off of them all, but she tried not
to show it. Being a mother for real was a LOT more
difficult than just playing house, as she quickly
discovered. Midnight feedings, the seemingly endless chore
of cleaning up after little Smakko--not to mention the
inevitable diaper changings--started taking their toll on
the young Warner Sister.
It started taking its toll on the Warner Brothers as
well. At first Yakko and Wakko thought it great fun to
have another playmate, but like most children, their
initial enthusiasm waned quickly. And, although they'd
never admit it, they were a little annoyed at the way Dot
was acting. She was no longer their Little Sister, but a
Mother with Responsibilities.
"I hate to say it, bro," Yakko said finally, "but
Dot's starting to act like a grown-up!"
"Yuck!" Wakko replied.

Dot was game, however, and tried to cope with it.
Thankfully, Slappy was there for her. The old gray
squirrel was a godsend. As the only one of the new mothers
with any experience raising children, she was a constant,
unfailing source of advice and support. Together, she and
Dot worked out a daycare arrangement for the new arrivals
between the Water Tower and the treehouse.
"What do you mean, I gotta sleep in the basement?"
Skippy asked stubbornly when Slappy explained it to him.
"Like I said, kid, your bedroom's the only one large
enough for the nursery," his aunt replied. "And hey, it
won't be THAT bad--you can even play your stereo loud down
there, okay?"
"Well..."

And so the studio settled back down to its usual (so
to speak) routine. It looked as though this story would
have, if not a completely happy, then at least a sensible,
ending.

But this, of course, is a horror story.


Chapter Four

It was Skippy who first noticed that something was
wrong. It happened one day when he and his aunt went on a
walk with baby Spunky. Slappy had picked up an incredibly
antique baby carriage from somewhere (it was so old, Skippy
decided, that it might have been Slappy's when SHE was a
baby), and together the three squirrels were strolling
through Acme Park, enjoying the sunshine. It was there
that they met Walter Wolf and Sid the Squid, playing
checkers.
"Hey, Sid, look at that!" Walter said when he spotted
Slappy.
"Forget it, Walter," Squid replied, concentrating on
the game. "I remember the lasht time you got me to look
away from the board--I'm not shtupid, you know."
"No, really!" Walter said excitedly, abandoning the
game. "You gotta see this--it's rich!" The old wolf
walked over to the baby carriage and looked in. "Ooh,
cute!" he said, chuckling and going "kootchie-kootchie-
koo!" as he tickled the little squirrel under her chin.
"Yours?" he added, looking up at Slappy and grinning
broadly.
"Yeah Walter, she's mine," Slappy sighed. "You got a
problem with that?"
"What the heck?" Sid asked as he shuffled over
towards the group. "You mean old Shlappy here'sh a...a
MOTHER?!?" The old squid broke up in hysterics.
Walter joined his friend, doubling over in laughter.
"I LOVE IT!" he howled. "CRAZY OLD SQUIRREL--YOU FINALLY
GOT YERSELF IN TROUBLE! HAH!"

Slappy's eyes turned a deep shade of red, and whisps
of steam drifted from her ears. Her hands gripped the baby
carriage handle so tightly that it twisted like a pretzel,
and her tail tied itself into a knot. And she smiled.
Handing over the baby carriage to Skippy, she said, "Hold
this, kid. These yutzes need a lesson in the Gentle Art of
Motherhood..."

Realizing what was about to happen, Skippy quickly
pushed the baby carriage to a safe location behind a park
bench, and together he and Spunky waited out the storm.
After the explosions were over and the smoke cleared, the
two little squirrels peeked up and surveyed the charred
ruins of the park. Slappy stood there, dusting off her
hands over the charred ruins of Walter and Sid.
"Why'd Mommy do that?" Spunky asked in a sweet, high
pitched voice.
"Because Walter and Sid had it coming to them,
silly!" Skippy whispered back, still awed at this example
of his aunt's powers of destruction. "Beside's, it's
funny!"
"Mommy hurt them," Spunky said in a determined voice.
"That wasn't nice..."
"Who said anything about 'nice'?" Skippy asked
crossly, turning to his baby cousin. "Wait a minute--you
can TALK!?!"
Spunky looked up at her cousin. "Of course I can
talk, silly," she said, flashing her eyelashes. "I'm a
growing girl!"

It was true--the baby Koo-Koos had all learned to
talk. In fact, they were growing and developing at an
alarming rate. Within a few scene changes they looked
almost Skippy's age. This shocked their mothers, but
delighted Mr. Plotz. "They can talk already?" he chuckled.
"Wonderful! We can start them on dialogue lessions!"

****************************

It was Wakko who first notice that something was VERY
wrong. He and Yakko were babysitting the Koo-Koos one
afternoon. It was the Water Tower's turn to be the daycare
center, and Yakko and Wakko had generously offered to look
after the kids for a little while to give their sister a
break. Yakko was trying to teach them all puns, with
absolutely no success. Wakko, who was getting bored,
wandered off into the kitchen for a snack. Little Smakko
followed him and watched in fascination as his uncle
prepared a Dagwood mega-sandwich.
"You don't like me, do you, Uncle Wakko?" Smakko
asked suddenly.
Wakko stopped short and stared at the little Warner.
"Don't be silly, Smakko," he replied nervously. "I love
you, you know that."
"You were just thinking how little time Mommy has to
play with you and Uncle Yakko," the little Warner
continued. "Why are you angry with me?"
Wakko looked at the child. A cold chill swept
through him. He HAD been thinking that very thing. It was
just a passing thought, and he had immediately regretted it
and push it aside. But somehow, Smakko knew. Somehow, he
had sensed Wakko's resentment.
"I...I'm not angry with you, Smakko," Wakko said.
"What makes you think I am?"
"You're scared of me," Smakko replied. "First you
think I'm taking Mommy away from you, and now you're
frightened of me. Why?"
"How do you know this?" Wakko said trembling.
"Where is Melody?" Smakko said, abruptly changing the
subject.
"Melody?" Wakko asked. He looked confused.
"The daughter of the mink," Smakko added. "She was
supposed to be my partner."
"Your...partner?" Wakko asked, confused. He looked
over at the other Koo-Koos. He noticed that in their play,
they had paired off, Spunky with Rory, and Dinky with Elan.
It suddenly occured to Wakko that that was the way the
little ones always played--Smakko was always the odd kid
out. "Melody is--was--your playmate?" he asked.
"Uh-huh," Smakko said. "What did Minerva do with
her?"
Wakko tugged his collar nervously. Everyone at the
studio had felt a little guilty about Minerva's breakdown,
and there developed a sort of unspoken agreement that
nothing would be said about it in front of the Koo-Koos.
"How...how do you know these things?" he asked, trembling.

****************************

It was Runt who first noticed just HOW wrong things
were becoming. One afternoon he and little Rory were
playing Tag along the sidewalks of a downtown pedestrian
mall that he and Rita liked to hang out at. Rita was out
rustling up some scraps for supper, and had left Runt to
care for the little one. It was a fun game, with Runt
chasing the little white kitten down one end of the mall
and being chased back up. However, after a few passes Rory
missed one of Runt's sidesteps, and instead of tagging him,
ended up in the middle of the street. Rory sat there for a
second, trying to get his directions. Unfortunately, the
little kitten didn't see the car bearing down on him.
"RORY! NO!" Runt shouted. Running as fast as he
could, the big shaggy dog leapt out into the traffic.
Grabbing Rory by the nearest available handle--his tail--
Runt bounded out of the car's path, just barely avoiding
disaster.
Runt set Rory gently down on the sidewalk on the far
side of the street. "That...that was a close one, son," he
panted. "Definitely-- definitely a close one..."
Rory looked down at his bruised tail. "You pulled my
tail, Daddy," the little kitten said.
"Sorry, Rory," Runt apologized. "I had to, you
know."
"That hurt, Daddy," Rory said, frowning.
"Sorry..." Runt said miserably.
"It's not nice to hurt people," Rory continued,
staring at Runt intently.
To Runt's surprise, the little white kitten's big
blue eyes started to glow. As the glow grew stronger, the
big dog felt a...presence...invade his mind. He tried to
shut his eyes or turn away, but he found himself paralyzed.
It was as if someone--or someTHING--had taken control of
his body. Suddenly he found himself standing up, his legs
moving not by his will. Unable to speak, he could only
wonder why he was walking out into the traffic...

Later that evening, Rory rejoined his mother. Runt
followed behind him slowly. "What the heck happened to
YOU, Runt?" Rita asked. It was a rhetorical question--the
crisscrossing tire tracks over Runt's mangled body said it
all.
"I'm a bad dog, Rita," Runt moaned as he flopped down
painfully beside her. "Definitely--definitely a bad
dog..."



Chapter Five

Runt's injuries took a long time to heal--unusually
long, for a toon. During his convalescence in the studio
infirmerary, he was too embarassed and confused to explain
what had happened, and so Rory's little "talent" went
unnoticed for a while. In the meantime, other members of
the cast made similar unpleasant discoveries:

A few days later, Skippy was raiding his aunt's
cookie jar again. Just as he was about to sneak an armload
out of the jar, Spunky walked in on him. "Mommy says no
cookies till after supper, Skippy!" she admonished him.
"Shhh..." Skippy shushed her. "Keep your mouth shut,
kid, and I'll give you one..."
"No," Spunky said primly. "That's bribery. I'm
telling!"
Skippy hopped down off of the kitchen counter and
walked over to his little cousin, trying to look as
threatening as a young squirrel could be (not very). "You
tell, and you'll be sorry, kid!" he said with what he
thought was a menacing scowl.
Spunky frowned back at her older cousin. Suddenly,
Skippy noticed her eyes start to glow. He stepped back as
a wave of fear shot through him. He wanted to run, but he
found that he couldn't move his arms or legs. Something
else could, though, and he discovered that that "something"
was making him walk back to the kitchen counter, climb up
it, and push the cookie jar off...

CRASH!!!

"What the heck is going on in there!?!" Skippy heard
his aunt yell. Unable to move, he sat there helplessly as
Slappy marched into the kitchen. One look was all she
needed. "SKIPPY! How many times have I told you not to
climb up on the counter when you're stealing cookies? Now
look what you've done!"
As Spunky turned to smile at her mother, Skippy
discovered that whatever had taken him over was gone. He
pointed to Spunky and cried, "But...but...she MADE me do
it, Aunt Slappy!"
Slappy gave her nephew a stern look. "Aw come on,
Skippy!" she growled. "That's the lamest excuse in the
book! At least you can be more creative when you're lying
to me!"
"But...but she DID!" Skippy wailed.
"That's enough, kid!" Slappy snapped. "TO YOUR ROOM!
NOW!!!"
Skippy fled downstairs in tears. Slappy looked down
at her daughter, who was still beaming. "I don't trust
that cute look, sweetie-pie," she said. "You don't happen
to know what _really_ went on here, do you?"
"Skippy was Bad, wasn't he?" Spunky asked innocently.
"Yeah, well..."
"So he was punished, and everything's all right
again."
Slappy frowned a little. There was something wrong
here, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

************************************

Later that evening, the Brain was busy pouring over
the blueprints for his latest attempt at world domination.
This time the plan was perfect--not even Pinky could mess
it up.
"What are you doing, Daddy?" little Dinky said. The
little mouseling wandered over and peered over the Brain's
shoulder at the plans.
"Do...NOT...call me 'Daddy', Dinky!" the Brain
grumbled. "Call me Uncle Brain--if you must--but NOT
'Daddy'!"
"Okay, Daddy--er, Uncle Brain," Dinky replied. "What
are you doing?"
The Brain sighed. Ignoring the little pest would be
impossible, he decided. Fortunately, he had found that
Dinky was a more attentive audience than his 'mother'. At
least he would have the pleasure of explaining his plans to
someone who might be able to understand them. "I'm working
on another Plan To Take Over The World," he explained.
"It's very simple. Do you see this?" he said, holding up a
little square object.
"It's a computer chip, Dad-er, Uncle Brain," Dinky
replied eagerly.
"Not just any computer chip, lad," the Brain said,
warming to his subject. "This is a Plentidum chip--a
charming little, slightly inaccurate, calculating tool.
Now, if this chip were to be introduced in the Federal
Reseverve Bank computers, that slight inaccuracy will
manifest itself as a tiny amount of unassigned money
'disappearing' from the wealth of this great Nation that
passes through the Reserve each day. 'Disappeared', but
not destroyed. That small fraction will just be sitting
there, unbeknownst to anyone--anyone, except myself, of
course. It will be a minute fraction to be sure, but given
the...vast...quantities of money we are speaking of," he
continued, his eyes growing large at the word "vast", "it
will be enough to make me--in a little while--the richest
mouse on earth. Rich enough to finance all of those plans
I've been forced to preclude due to lack of capital..."
"Isn't that wrong, Uncle Brain?" Dinky asked
innocently.
"Wrong?" the Brain asked, surprised. "Dinky, I'm
talking World Conquest here--what does 'wrong' have to do
with it?"
"But isn't it stealing, Uncle Brain?"
"Stealing? Hardly. I am merely taking advantage of
the weaknesses inherent in the accounting systems of this
nation's pathetic excuse for a government."
"But the money's not yours, Uncle Brain."
"It IS mine, by right of my superior intellect, young
child," the Brain replied in a huff. "I don't know what
foolishness Pinky's been filling that impressionable mind
of yours with, but I will not have some petty 'do-gooder'
dissuade me from my goals!"
Dinky frowned. "You're Bad, Uncle Brain," he said
firmly. "You should be stopped."
Brain looked at the little mouseling in shock. It
was the first time anyone had said that to him. "That is
none of your concern, child," he said at last, turning
away from Dinky.
Suddenly the Brain felt a burning sensation in his
cranium. He rubbed his eyes, and turned back, only to see
Dinky staring at him with bright, glowing eyes. "What...
what..." he started to say, as he felt an enormous pressure
filling his mind and attacking his self-control.
He fought back. With the single-minded intensity of
the truly obsessed, he fought back. And he was successful.
Locked in a staring contest with Dinky's unearthly gaze, he
stood his ground, sweat pouring from his brow. Finally,
the glow in the little mouseling's eyes faded.
"I see you're stronger than the rest," Dinky said
cryptically. "I can't stop you here. But there are more
of us, enough to break even you, Uncle Brain. We'll stop
your wicked schemes, just you wait..."


Chapter Six

A grim pall settled over the Warner Brothers Studios.
Noone dared to say anything, but everybody knew it: there
was something wrong about the little Koo-Koos. Something
dangerous, and frightening. People started giving them a
wide berth, and hiding whenever they appeared in public.
Only their mothers (and Miss Giraffe) would still tend for
them, and even they did so quietly, almost fearfully. It
became a routine--the little ones would rise, have
breakfast at each of their homes, and then gather together
to march off to the studio soundstage where the "Koo-Koo
Kids Show"--Plotz's idea to put the little ones to work--
was being produced. Two by two they would go, Spunky and
Rory, Elan and Dinky, and little Smakko by himself in the
rear.

As production on the show progressed, the cast
members' private terrors started to become public. Trouble
seemed to dog the entire series. Granted, assigning Mr.
Director to the job didn't help matters, but the simple
fact was that the children just weren't funny. Oh, they
were cute--extremely cute, which made promotion of the
series to the studio investors a snap. But the littlest
Animaniacs couldn't make people laugh.

Finally it reached a breaking point. "I quit, Mister
Producer Person!" Mr. Director said, storming into Plotz's
office. "These kids...I can...no work with! The whole
comedy thing...no good...it is!"
"What do you mean, 'you quit'?" Plotz thundered. "I
relied on you! We are WAY behind schedule on this one. If
you can't come up with 13 episodes in time for the season
opener, you'll never work for this studio again, do you
hear?"
"Don't...me...blame for this, Mister Person Producer
Sir," the distraught director wailed. "This kids...not
funny...no do the gag thing..."
"Impossible! They're Animaniacs!" Plotz shot back.
"Comedy is in their blood!"
"Yes...with the cute...thing they do...comedy no..."
Mr. Director said.
Plotz pounded the intercom button on his desk.
"Doctor Scratchinsniff! GET IN HERE!!!"

The studio psychiatrist hustled into the CEO's
office. "Ja?" he asked nervously.
"Our Director here says that the Koo-Koos aren't
funny, Scratchinsniff," Plotz said. "Now can you explain
how offspring of those screwballs out there?" he added,
jerking his thumb towards the office window, "can NOT be
comedians?"
Scratchinsniff started shaking visibly. He rubbed
his hands together nervously, and scuffed one foot against
the floor. "Ve-ve-vell, Mizter Plodz," he stuttered,
"maybe they need lezzions in der humor, nein?"
"Fine! Anything!" Plotz snapped back. Calming down
slightly, he said, "Humor lessions, eh? That gives me an
idea. Maybe we can put those Warner kids to some use for a
change..."

*******************************

"No, no, Elan!" Wakko said, taking the mallet away
from her. The little hippo girl had been using it as a
pacifier. Handing it to Yakko, he said, "You're supposed
to hit Dinky on the head with it after he steals your
dolly, see? Like this..."
Wakko picked up the doll, and holding it up, laughed
at his brother, as the script called for. Also following
the script, Yakko brought up the mallet and WHACK!
clobbered Wakko flat. Springing up and down like an
accordion, Wakko said (somewhat loopily), "Se...see? Jus'
like tha-a-a-t..."
Spunky, who was sitting next to Elan, frowned. So
did the other Koo-Koos. "That wasn't nice, Mister Yakko
sir," the little squirrel said.
"Huh?" Yakko and Wakko asked in unison.
"You shouldn't hit Mister Wakko," Spunky said.
"But it's the joke..." Yakko said in confusion.
"You're being mean," Spunky said. She and the other
Koo-Koos stared at Yakko.
Suddenly the children's eyes began to glow. "You
shouldn't be mean, Mister Yakko," Spunky continued calmly.
"Mean people are Bad. You need to be punished."
Yakko looked at the children's glowing eyes.
Suddenly he felt the...presence...come over him. Something
was controlling him, making him reverse his grip on the
mallet, making him raise it above his head, making him
swing it down upon himself...

Wakko gazed in horror as he saw his brother pound
himself into the ground. The sight of those little
children, their eyes glowing, manipulating his brother like
a gang of sadistic puppeteers made his blood run cold. He
fled from the studio soundstage, screaming.

************************

They scraped Yakko off of the soundstage floor that
afternoon, and shipped him off to the Intoonsive Care Unit
of the studio infirmery. He was in pretty bad shape--for
some reason, his body refused to bounce back from the
pounding it had received.
"I haffn't seen anything like it," Doctor Scratchinsniff
said to Dot, Smakko and Wakko as they waited outside.
"What's wrong with him?" Dot asked fearfully.
"It'z very strange," the studio psychiatrist
continued. "You know, comedy cartoon injuries go avay as
soon as they are no longer funny..."
"But this isn't funny, Doc," Wakko said. "At least,
I don't think it is."
"I know--I don't understand. There should be nothing
phyzzicly wrong vith Yakko. I can only assume that there
is zomething pzychological. Zomething vithin his mind that
refuses to let his body heal..."
Dot looked at her son in sadness and confusion.
Little Smakko hadn't said a word since the incident. He
just smiled as innocently as ever, as if the whole thing
had never happened.
Wakko looked at his nephew and frowned. He knew he
had to do something about this, but just what he couldn't
think of.

Mister Director refused to resume production, and
nobody in the studio was willing to take his place. It
appeared that the Koo-Koos' so-called "acting" careers
would thankfully be cut short.
However, the next morning, Flavio and Marita walked
into CEO Plotz's office, with Elan in tow. "Mister
Executive," Flavio said somewhat nervously, "I hear that
little Elan's show is being cancelled. That is most
distressing."
"It can't be helped, Flavio," Plotz replied sternly.
"We can't bring it to closure in time or under budget, not
without a director." Or characters that can act, he
thought to himself, looking at the little hippo-girl
sitting on his desk.
Little Elan looked back at him, frowning. "You don't
like our show," she said.
"Oh, no!" Plotz said a bit too hastily. "It's very
cute. But I'm afraid it needs a little more..." He fumbled
for the words.
"What is this word, 'comedy'?" Elan said innocently.
Plotz looked nervously at the Hip Hippos. "I don't
know how to say this," he said at last. "But I'm afraid
the investors won't back the show without more humor.
We've shown some of the early takes to them. Frankly, they
think it's the pits."
"Isn't there anything you can do?" Marita asked
desparately. There was more than a hint of fear in her
voice.
"Nothing, I'm afraid," Plotz replied. "We're ceasing
production, as of today."

"No you aren't," Elan said quietly.
"What?" Plotz said, surprised.
"We're going to continue with the show," the little
hippo-girl continued. "It's very cute, and people need
very cute shows to make them feel better. So you aren't
going to stop us, are you?" she asked, fluttering her
eyelashes at the CEO.
Plotz stammered. "I...I have no choice, my dear," he
said. "It'll ruin the studio if we went ahead with it."
"But you will go ahead with it. Papa and Mama can
direct, can't they?" Elan replied, looking up at her
parents.
Flavio and Marita glanced at each other. The fear in
their eyes was unmistakable. "Mr. Plotz, sir," Flavio
said, leaning over the desk to whisper at him, "I...I would
listen to little Elan." Lowering his voice further, he
added, "Please!"
"This is ridiculous!" Plotz protested. "Who's
running this studio, me or some kid?"
Suddenly Elan frowned, and her eyes began to glow.
"You don't like cuteness, do you?" she asked. "Only BAD
people don't like cuteness..."
Plotz trembled as he felt his will slip away. "I...I
like cuteness," he stammered. "I just can't...can't..."
"You can approve our show," Elan said quietly. "You
will approve it. The world needs our cuteness. You need
our cuteness..."

Plotz found himself pulling the Koo-Koo show contract
out of his desk. Still wondering why he was doing this, he
started writing in the order restarting production and
transferring directorial control to Flavio and Marita
Hippo. He handed the contract to the Hippos, not saying a
word.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Plotz," Flavio said nervously. "I...
I wish it didn't have to be this way, but there is nothing
we can do..."


Chapter Seven

"RALPH!!! RAAAAALPH!!!" Plotz yelled after the Hip
Hippos had left.
"Er, youse called me, Mister Plotz?" the studio
security guard replied, rushing in. He saw the Warner CEO
sitting at his desk, pale as a sheet.
"Ralph, listen and listen good. Those little
Koo-Koos..."
"Yeah, they're cute kids, right Mister Plotz?" Ralph
asked absent-mindedly as usual.
"WILL YOU SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION!?!?" Plotz
screamed. "Those 'cute kids', as you call them, are going
to ruin this studio. I don't care what you have to do, but
I want them off the lot. At once!"
"But their parents..."
"I don't care what you tell them. GET THOSE KIDS OUT
OF HERE!!!"

As Ralph headed out towards the soundstage where the
Koo-Koos' show was being shot, he passed by the studio
cafeteria. There he was spotted by Wakko and Dot, Slappy
and Skippy, and Pinky and the Brain, who were huddled over
one of the dining room tables commiserating over the daily
"mystery meat" special. "Hey, Ralph, where'ya going?"
Wakko called to him.
"Ahh, Mr. Plotz told me to shut down the Koo-Koo
show," Ralph said, frowning. "It's a shame; I really like
those kids..."
"Good," Skippy said. "Will you be kicking them off
the lot? I wanna watch..."
"Skippy, don't talk that way about your cousin,"
Slappy scolded him. Skippy just frowned and turned away.
"Beats me," Ralph said. "I saw Flavio and Marita
head towards the soundstage, and they told me Mr. Plotz had
ordered it back on. The Boss sure can be confusing,
sometimes..."

"I don't get it," Dot said as they saw Ralph leave.
"I do, however," the Brain said grimly. "Pinky, are
you pondering what I'm pondering?"
"I think so, Brain, but do you really think Spandex
will help?" Pinky asked.
"Ladies and gentlemen (and you too, Pinky), we may be
facing an 'us or them' situation regarding the Koo-Koos,"
the Brain continued, refusing to be goaded by his partner's
non-sequitor. He asked Slappy to pick him and Pinky up,
and said, "Come. We must follow our intrepid security
guard and investigate."

The toons arrived at the soundstage a few minutes
after the security guard. But by then they could see that
it was too late. Ralph stood there, blocking the stage
door. Little Rory sat on his shoulders, eyes glowing
faintly. "No visitors," the white kitten said as they
approached.
"Er, no visitors," Ralph added in a confused voice.
His eyes glanced over nervously to the little creature on
his shoulder.
Skippy ducked behind Slappy's back. "See, Aunt
Slappy--I TOLD you those kids were weird!" he whispered in
a frightened voice.
"We just want to see our children," Slappy demanded.
"Are you gonna stop us?"
"They don't want to see you," Rory replied softly.
"They...uh...they don't wanna see youse," Ralph
repeated.
"But we MISS them!" Dot and Wakko added in unison.
"They're busy. Now go away."
"They's busy...now go...go away..."
"In the words of a certain science-fiction character,
'fascinating'," the Brain said.
"I'll say," Pinky added. "Wonderful job, Rory--I
don't even see your lips move!"
Rory arched his back, and hissed. He appeared
genuinely shaken by Pinky's joke, far more than would seem
normal.
For a second, Ralph came to his senses, and shook his
head. "Huh? wha?" he started to ask. Then the little
kitten regained his composure and seized control of Ralph
once more.
"Go away..."
"Go...go aways..."
"We no longer need you..."
"We no longer needs youse..."
"Leave. Now..."
"Leave...leave nows..."

"I repeat--'fascinating'," the Brain said as the
toons retreated.
"I'm glad you found it educational, Mister Cultural
Reference," Slappy retorted. "Would you kindly explain
what just happened?"
"There's no time for explanations, madam," the Brain
replied. "Only for action. If I'm not mistaken--and I
never am--there is a refrigerator stocked with pies in that
soundstage, isn't there?
"Yes," Dot said. "But why?"
"As much as it pains me to say it, slapstick may be
our only hope of salvation," the Brain said, hopping off of
Slappy's palm. "Now here is my plan--Wakko and Dot, Slappy
and Skippy, I need you all to start a diversion. Do
anything, just keep Ralph and Rory distracted. Pinky, come
with me."

The foursome went back to Ralph and started
"distracting" him. Slappy and Skippy started doing an
ancient vaudeville routine about the bank guard and the
burgler--"Whose Vault is This?" Dot climbed up on Ralph's
other shoulder and gave him a longing gaze, and Wakko
started making gookie faces.
Rory was hard-pressed to keep control. This gave the
Brain the opening he had anticipated. He grabbed Pinky and
slipped in between Ralph's legs unnoticed.
The duo snuck into the soundstage. There they saw
the little Koo-Koos, getting ready for the next scene
shoot. Flavio was lounging back in the director's chair,
but even the regulation scarf, beret, and designer
sunglasses failed to disguise his nervousness. Marita was
busily running about, taking care of makeup and wardrobe,
and seeing to the childrens' needs. Just watching her dash
back and forth made the Brain nervous. It was as if she
was being pursued by some unseen hunter, and was trying to
maintain a moving target.
The camera and stage crew were also terrified. They
remained in hiding behind the stage lights and equipment,
following Flavio's directions, but saying nothing. Fear
permeated the studio like the cold draft of an icehouse.

Dinky and Elan had assumed their positions onstage.
Spunky was sitting next to Flavio, and Smakko was in the
background, getting another makeup re-do by Marita.
Suddenly Dinky and Elan began to sing in sweet, angelic
voices:

"It's such a yummy, sunny day,
Why don't you come down and play?
With the Koo-Koo Kids today,
you'll smile your cares away,
On this yummy, sunny day!"

"Umm, Brain, that's a pretty silly song, don't you
think?" Pinky asked as the two mice scurried around back.
"I mean, it isn't a real zinger, if you catch my drift..."
The Brain looked at his partner, amazed that Pinky
had finally managed to find something--anything--more
stupid than himself. "I'm impressed with you, Pinky," he
said finally. "But enough is enough! SOMEONE has to put a
stop to this!"
They sneaked over to the backstage refrigerator and
the Brain deftly assembled a bizarre contraption out of
spare stage ropes and other odds and ends. Looping one end
of it around the fridge's door handle, he then jerked on
the rope, pulling the door open. After a few more similar
manuvers he and Pinky had a cream pie strung up from the
stage rafters. The Brain hushed Pinky, eyed the distance
to the stage carefully and adjusted the ropes for proper
swing-length. Just a few centimeters more, he thought to
himself, and that wretched duet will finally be over.

Unfortunately, his thoughts were a little too clear.
Suddenly Spunky looked up and spotted him. Dinky and Elan
stopped singing and walked over to join the little
squirrel. Smakko followed, as did Rory. They all gazed up
at the Brain, eyes glowing. Suddenly he began to sweat
profusely as he felt the combined wills of the little
Koo-Koos hammer at his mind. "Must...fight...it..." he
hissed through clenched teeth.
Pinky stared at his partner, wondering what on earth
had come over him. "Narf..." he whispered. "Brain, is
there anything I can do to help?"
"Ask...me...a...question, Pinky!" the Brain said, his
hold on his mind becoming more and more tenuous.
"Quantum physics...topology theory...anything! Must...have...
something...to...think about!"

Ralph, now free of Rory's control, sat down in a
daze. The foursome dashed in and saw the little Koo-koos
attacking the Brain. They were about to rush them when
Smakko turned and stared at them.
Wakko screamed "NO! Get BACK!" He grabbed his sister
by the arm and practically dragged her out of the stage.
Slappy grabbed Skippy and beat a hasty retreat as well.
"Aunt Slappy?" Skippy asked incredulously. He had
never seen his aunt run from a fight before.
Dot struggled in her brother's grasp. "We've got to
go back and help Brain!" she cried.
"It's too late, sis," Wakko said grimly. "We'd just
end up like Yakko."
"No!" Dot shouted. "Little Smakko'd NEVER hurt me!"
Suddenly there was a high-pitched scream. The
foursome turned and looked back into the now silent
soundstage.



Chapter Eight

Slappy, Skippy, Wakko, and Dot walked cautiously into
the studio soundstage. Suddenly Slappy stood in front of
them, shielding them from the scene. "Don't look, kids, it
ain't pretty," she said grimly.
"Not pretty" was an understatement. Merengue was
everywhere. In the midst of the carnage hung the Brain--
strung up by his tail from the tangle of ropes that once
was his contraption. He had clearly been the victim of his
own device, only turned back on him a hundredfold.
"I am in considerable pain..." he whispered as Pinky
ran over to him. His sidekick cut him loose, and gently
lowered him onto the floor.

The Koo-Koos gathered around Pinky and the Brain.
Their eyes were no longer glowing, but their expressions
were just as frightening. No sign of pity or remorse was
on their features. Not even anger--they just looked down
on the two lab mice with the same emotionless detachment of
the scientists at ACME Labs. Even Dinky looked at his
"mother" with no trace of feelings.
Suddenly Spunky turned around and looked at Flavio.
"We can't have any more interruptions," she said flatly.
"We'll be going home now, but only to gather our things.
We'll be living here in the soundstage from now on."

Wakko edged away from the group. He motioned Skippy
to follow him. The little squirrel looked up at his aunt,
who nodded her approval, and the two toon children left the
mothers to deal with the situation.

A few minutes later, Dot and little Smakko were
walking back to the water tower.
"Why are you sad, Mommy?" Smakko said. He didn't
need any psychic talent to sense it--Dot's expression spoke
volumes.
"Why, Smakko?" Dot asked softly. "First Yakko, and
now the Brain--why are you doing this?"
Smakko looked confused. "Uncle Yakko was hurting
Uncle Wakko, and Mister Brain was about to hurt everybody.
They were being Bad, so we stopped them and punished them.
Why should you be sad about that?"
"Smakko, does the word 'slapstick' mean anything to
you?" Dot asked. "Noone was really getting hurt there.
Can't you see the joke?"
"Why should people laugh at other people getting
hurt?" Smakko asked innocently.
"It's not that..." Dot tried to explain. Finally,
she said, "Smakko, you and the rest of the Koo-Koos can
read our minds, right? Well, read mine and tell me what
you see."
Smakko looked at his mother. "You're sad," he said.
"And I'm... I'm the one making you sad..."
"Aren't you Koo-Koos supposed to make people happy?"
Dot asked. "Isn't that what your show is all about?"
The two walked on in silence.

At the same time, Slappy was taking her daughter back
to the treehouse. "You're serious about moving out?" she
asked the little white squirrel.
"You can't stop us," Spunky replied. "You think we
are destroying the studio, but there's nothing you can do
to prevent it."
"Oh swell," Slappy said cynically. "I guess you're
right--from now on I suppose we should just turn in our
dynamite and anvils for lollypops and sunshine."
Spunky hissed. As Slappy turned, she saw daughter
trembling with rage. "Don't...EVER...make fun of our show,
Mother," she snarled.
Slappy looked at her daughter in surprise. "A little
thin-skinned, aren't we?" she asked.
"You won't stop us," Spunky said, becoming calm once
more. "I know why the Brain wanted to pie us. It won't
work. We have a right to survive, just as you toons do--
and we will survive, even if we have to destroy you all..."

****************************

Slappy watched in silence as Spunky packed her things
in a little suitcase and walked out of the treehouse door.
The old squirrel closed it behind her gently, and sat down
to her knitting. She was alone for the evening. Skippy
had called from the Water Tower to say he was going out to
see a movie with Wakko, and that he wouldn't be back until
late. Ordinarily, Slappy would object to him staying out
after hours, but lately she'd be giving the kid more
leeway. It wouldn't have made much difference anyway.
Skippy had taken to staying away from home--away from
Spunky--as much as he could manage. Slappy frowned. It
was bad enough that the Koo-Koos were taking over the
studio, she thought as the needles clicked to and fro, but
did they have to drive a wedge between her and her nephew,
too?

Slappy heard a knock on her door. "Ahh, nuts!" she
said as she slipped a stich. She went over to open the
door, only to find Dr. Scratchinsniff. "Huh? What brings
you here, Doc?" she asked, startled.
"Zhhhh...." the studio psychiatrist hissed. "Iz
Spunky here?" he whispered.
"Nah, the kid's moved out," Slappy replied. "Now can
you tell me what the heck's going on here before my arm
falls asleep holding this door open?"
"Could you come over to mein house this evening?"
Scratchinsniff asked.
"Gee, Scratchy, I didn't know you cared," Slappy
said, batting her eyelashes at him. "But don't you think
you can come up with a more romantic spot?"
"Nein, nein!" Scratchinsniff said, blushing. "I haff
something to show you!"
"Hey, if you're in that big a hurry maybe we better
stay here--Skippy won't be back until after midnight..."
"Vill you cut it vith the jokes!" Scratchinsniff
snapped. "This has to do vith the Koo-koos!"
"Ahh...well, alright," Slappy said. "But if you get
fresh with me, we're going straight home!"

On the way to Scratchinsniff's home, the psychiatrist
drove past the other Animaniacs parents' homes, tried to
gather up as many of them as he could. Unfortunately, the
only one he could get was Dot. ACME Labs was closed for
the evening, Rita and Runt had gone into hiding,
apparently, and Flavio and Marita were holed up in their
penthouse and refusing visitors.
The three stepped into the darkened front hall, and
Scratchinsniff turned on the lights. Much to Slappy and
Dot's surprise, the livingroom was made up as a nursery.
Children's toys were strewn about, and a playpen stood over
in one corner.
"Scratchy, what heck's this?" Slappy asked.
"Gee, I didn't know you were a dad..." Dot added.
"It'z a long story," Scratchinsniff asked. He went
over to the TV set in the other corner and popped a tape
into the VCR. "Maybe this will egzlpain more easily."

Dot and Slappy stared in shock at the TV screen.
There, playing in the middle of Scratchinsniff's living
room, was baby Melody.



Chapter Nine

"I know vat you're vanting to ask," Scratchinsniff
said. "Before Minerva ran off, she came here vith Melody.
Poor mink. She vas completely raving looney--screaming
about Melody and how this vas some terrible plot to ruin
her career. I vas afraid for the safety of the child, zo I
asked her to leave Melody mit me for the evening. The next
day I found out she had taken off for the Himalayas."
"But howcome you kept it a secret?" Dot asked,
perplexed.
"I think I can answer that," Slappy said. "At first
you didn't want to embarass Minerva, in case she came to
her senses and returned, right?"
"Ja," Scratchinsniff replied sadly. "And then, ven
the veirdness started happening, I couldn't say anything.
If the other Koo-koos found out vat had happened to her..."
"Say, where is Melody?" Dot asked suddenly.
Scratchinsniff winced. "She--she's not here," he
said.
"What do you mean?" Slappy asked. "What happened to
her?"
"Umm...I had better show you," Scratchinsniff replied
as he got up and walked over to a dresser. He pulled out a
small box from one of the drawers, set it upon the coffee
table and opened it carefully. It was full of a sparkling
white powder.
"What's this?" Dot asked.
"This...vas...Melody," Scratchinsniff said.

Dot looked at the box, then she reached out to put
her finger in the powder. "NEIN!" Scratchinsniff shouted.
"Don't touch it--it'z Saccharin!"
Slappy grabbed Dot's arm before she could touch the
powder. "Careful, kid!" the old squirrel snapped. "That
stuff's the most deadly poison known to toons!"
"I don't get it--how could Melody be made of
saccharin?" Dot asked as Scratchinsniff closed the box and
put it away. "And what did you DO to her?"
"Nothing," Scratchinsniff replied sadly. "Or perhapz
everything, I don't know. Here. Let me show you the last
tape I made of Melody..."

Scratchinsniff pulled a box full of videotapes out of
the closet. "I found out about Melody's powers about the
same time as the rest of you," he explained as he searched
through the box. "Naturally, as pzychiatrist, I vas
fascinated. I videotaped her development, hoping to learn
something--anything--that might help me counteract them."
He popped in the tape, and fast-forwarded it for a few
minutes. Finally, he hit "Play" and the screen came into
focus. Baby Melody was sitting in her playpen, peeling a
banana. She tossed the peel aside and devoured the fruit.
Then Scratchinsniff's voice came from offscreen, saying,
"Melody, liebchen, could you come her?" Melody walked
across the room, looking up at some unseen object that had
fascinated her. She failed to notice the banana peel, and
sure enough, went head over heels. She landed with a
thump, the banana peel landing "plop!" on her head.
Dot and Slappy giggled. Scratchinsniff, however,
just said grimly, "Now vatch!"
Baby Melody sat up. Scratchinsniff's laughter could
be heard off-screen. She looked up, and saw the banana
peel on her head, and began to cry. The cry quickly became
a tantrum, and the little mink-child began kicking and
screaming. Suddenly, like Mount St. Helens erupting, she
exploded into a cloud of sparkling powder.

Scratchinsniff went over to the TV and shut off the
tape. Dot and Slappy just sat there, stunned. Finally Dot
asked, "What happened?"
"I still do not understand it fully," Scratchinsniff
said, "but tell me--haff any of the Koo-Koos ever cried or
thrown a tantrum?"
"No," Slappy said. "Spunky never put up a fuss, not
even once. I always figured she was a little weird about
that, but hey, it was a relief after Skippy."
"Smakko's always been a little angel," Dot said
plainly.
"It sounds odd," Scratchinsniff said, "but I think
Melody exploded because she couldn't handle the
pzychological stress of throwing a tantrum. But I don't
see why that should happen. After all, she vas a child,
and a toon child at that..."
"I do," Slappy said.
"Huh?" Dot asked, confused.
"Saccharine," Slappy said.

"Saccharine?" Scratchinsniff repeated. "I don't
follow you."
"Too bad, you might see something interesting,"
Slappy quipped. "But don't you get it? Melody blew up
because she was made of saccharine. She never was a real
toon--just a cheap imitation of one. She threw that
tantrum because she couldn't stand lookin' foolish, and it
destroyed her. And that's exactly how we're going to stop
them," the old squirrel added with a dark gleam in her
eyes.
"Stop them?" Dot asked.
"The Brain had the right idea before they got to him,
kid," Slappy said. "Remember how Rory reacted to Pinky's
dumb joke? Slapstick, satire--that's their weakness. They
have no sense of humor, so they overreact to anything that
makes 'em look foolish. That's how we can destroy them."
"Destroy them?" Scratchinsniff said. "You mean--blow
them up, just like Melody?"
"NO!" Dot cried. "We CAN'T do that, Slappy! Not to
my Smakko!"

Slappy fixed Dot with a steely gaze. "The Brain was
right, Dot," she said grimly. "it's either them or us. If
we don't stop them, and stop them fast, this whole studio
will be going to the hot place--and I don't feel like
trying out a new handbag."
"But Smakko's not like the others!" Dot pleaded.
"He's a real toon, I KNOW he is!"
Slappy sighed. "I wish you were right, kid. I wish
you were right..."




Chapter Ten

As Dot and Dr. Scratchinsniff contemplated Slappy's
grim proposal, a terrific explosion rattled the windows
of the psychiatrist's home. The threesome dashed out the
front door, and saw the fireball rising up from the center
of the Warner Brothers Studio lot. "OHMYGOSH!" Dot
screamed. "THE WATER TOWER!!!"
The threesome dashed for Scratchinsniff's car. As
they dived in, Slappy yelled, "I'M DRIVING!!" Noone
argued. Slappy jammed the car in gear and tore off towards
the studio at breakneck speed.

They arrived just as the smoke cleared. The Water
Tower, or what was left of it, swayed dangerously back and
forth on its charred legs. The studio lot looked like it
had just been used for a nuclear bomb test. Windows were
blown out of buildings, and loose debris was flying around
everywhere. Dot just looked around, stunned at the
destruction of her home.
"Well, at least your family wasn't home," Slappy said
with uncharacteristic sympathy.
"aunt...slappy?" came a feeble voice from the pile of
rubble at the Water Tower base. "is that...you?"
Slappy's eyes flew open. "SKIPPY!?!" she shouted,
and dashed over to the source of the voice. Tossing debris
right and left like a manic gopher, she burrowed down into
the pile. Then, ever so gently, she picked up the limp
form of her nephew. "Skippy..." she said weakly. Though
only her nephew was in a position to see it, there were
tears in her eyes.

Dot suddenly realized Skippy wasn't alone.
"Scratchy, help me!" she shouted, jumping into the hole
Slappy had made. "Wakko's down here too!"
Together the two dug until Dot spotted a red cap in
the rubble. With great effort, they managed to extract the
younger Warner Brother from the pile. They gently carried
him down and set him down next to Slappy, who was still
cradling her nephew.
"What happened, kid?" Slappy asked. "I thought you
and Wakko were seeing 'Revenge of the Chainsaw Zombies', or
something."
"I'm sorry, Aunt Slappy," Skippy said faintly.
"Wakko and I...were trying to get Smakko...get him away...
from the others. But they...they found us out," he said,
his voice growing fainter, "...chased us here...chased
us...chased..."
The little squirrel passed out in his aunt's arms.
Slappy just hugged him gently, unable to say a word.
Dot, meanwhile, was trying to revive her brother.
Finally, she saw signs of conciousness. "Wakko, what
happened?" she pleaded. "What did they do?"
Wakko opened one eye. "Gaggy...bag..." was all he
could manage to say.

By this time Ralph and Plotz had arrived, along with
a host of studio security. Scratchinsniff picked up Wakko,
and led Slappy and Dot away towards the studio infirmery.
"Come on," he said gently.
They brought Skippy and Wakko to the Intoonsive Care
Unit, and had Miss Nurse put them to bed next to Yakko and
the Brain. Then they went out to the infirmery lobby.
Slappy quietly sat down and opened her purse. She reached
in, and pulled out the absurd tangle of mechanics that
comprised her infamous Slapper. Taking out a small
screwdriver, she started tinkering with the device. "Dot,"
she said after a while, "would you get me some size 18
comedy cream pies? A half-dozen should be enough."

"You're going to go through with it, Slappy?" Dot
asked as she came back from the infirmery cafeteria.
"No choice, kid," the old squirrel said as she
started loading the pies into the machine. She carefully
retracted the mechanical arm, and snapped the purse shut.
"I think I can get into range for long enough to clap
twice. If not, or if they take me over..." Slappy handed
the sixth pie back to Dot. "You know what to do," she said
quietly.
"It won't work," Dot said. "They'll know what you're
up to, the minute you get near them.
"I think I can help there," Doctor Scratchinsniff
said, walking in from the ICU. The two toons stared at him
expectantly. "I've just been talking vith the Brain,
asking him how he vithstood the Koo-Koos' attack for as
long as he did. He said it vas a simple matter of superior
brain-power."
"Well, he would say something like that," Slappy
retorted.
"Nein, nein," the psychiatrist said. "I know, Brain
is an egotist of the vorst sort, but he has a point: He
vithstood the attack because he concentrated--focused his
mind on trivial things like multiplication tables and such.
He could stop them, for a little while."
"And you think Slappy could keep them from reading
her mind by thinking up nonsense?" Dot asked.
"Egzactly," Scratchinsniff replied. "At least for a
few minutes."
"That's all I'll need," the old squirrel said as she
hefted her purse and headed out.

They reached the studio soundstage where the Koo-Koo
Kids' Show was being produced. However, an angry mob had
beaten them to it. Apparently the destruction wrought by
the Water Tower's explosion angered people enough for them
to overcome their fear of the little terrors. They were
milling around outside, waving torches, clubs (and even a
pitchfork or two), and shouting "KILL THE MONSTERS! KILL
THE MONSTERS!"
"We gotta stop these yutzes before they all get
themselves clobbered!" Slappy snapped as they tried to
fight their way through the mob.
"Yeah, but how?" Dot asked.
At the front of the mob were Rita and Runt, barking
and hissing at the soundstage door. Runt, caught up in the
crowd's enthusiasm, was trying to be a one-dog battering
ram, and hurled himself repeatedly at the door.
Finally, the door opened, and Spunky and the rest of
the Koo-Koos filed out. The little squirrel looked at
Runt, eyes glowing. Runt stopped in his tracks. Rita lept
out in front of him, saying, "Oh no, you don't, you
little..." when she caught sight of Rory. "Stop this,
son!" she hissed. "Stop this RIGHT NOW!"
Rory looked at his mother, and his eyes started
glowing too. Rita stared helplessly at her son, and
whispered, "Rory....no..."
Suddenly Rita and Runt found themselves backing off,
and then turning towards each other. Neither could help
themselves, not even when Runt sprang on Rita, fangs bared.
The two little Koo-Koos stood there dispassionately,
watching Rita and Runt tear each other to pieces.
Meanwhile, the other Koo-Koos scanned the crowd, catching
anyone who dared approach too close and turning them on
their neighbor. The crowd quickly backed off, leaving
Slappy and Dot in front. "Get back, kid," Slappy
whispered. "You're only putting yourself in danger here."
Dot backed off and worked her way along the edge of
the crowd.
Slappy started walking up towards the Koo-Koos,
trying to judge how long it would take to get them all
within Slapper range. Trivia, huh? she thought to herself.
Okay, I can do that...

The Koo-Koos stared at the old squirrel heading
towards them. Unlike the rest of the mob, here was a mind
that wasn't transparent to them. Instead, it was clouded
by...bad jokes?
"A guy came up to me and said he hadn't had a bite in
a week," Slappy said as she came nearer. "So I bit him!"
The Koo-Koos' eyes started glowing. This one was not
responding. Instead, she was resisting, just like the
mouse.
"I lived in this apartment once that was so small,"
Slappy continued, starting to get into range, "the mice
were hunchbacked!"
She started to slow down. The pressure on her mind
was growing, dispite her attempts to deflect it. She
slowly, painfully, set one foot in front of the other,
inching closer and closer. Just a few feet more...
The Koo-Koos' eyes flashed brighter as they
intensified their efforts to probe the old squirrel's mind.
Although they couldn't see what it was, they could tell she
was hiding something. Something in her purse. Something
dangerous. Something that shouldn't be allowed to get too
close.
Slappy's approach ground to a halt, a few steps out
of range. She struggled to come up with another lame joke.
A bad pun, anything. Anything that would give her those
extra few steps. But it was no good--the pressure on her
was too great. She started to feel the Koo-Koos' minds
pierce her own, starting to feel her control slip away...

Meanwhile, from around the other end of the
soundstage, Dot started sneaking up on little Smakko. Her
plan was simple--grab her son while Slappy took care of the
rest of the Koo-Koos, and run. She was just about there
when Smakko turned and stared at her. "Mommy?" he asked.
Dot froze. She tried to distract her mind the way
Slappy had, but it was too late. Smakko could read her
like a book. "Why, Mommy?" Smakko asked, his eyes starting
to glow. "Why?"
Dot just stared at her son, waiting for the end.
Then Smakko looked down. "I...I understand, Mommy," he
said. "I'm sorry."
The little white Warner turned away and walked over
towards the paralyzed Slappy. He gently plucked the purse
from the old squirrel's arm and carried it back to the
middle of where the Koo-Koos were standing. Then he
clapped twice.

SLAP!!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!! SLAP!!!

The Slapper slammed down on each of the Koo-Koos,
covering them all with custard cream. They all stood
there, stunned. Then the crowd, which had been crouching
down, cowering in terror, stood up. They looked at the
gooey mess covering the Koo-Koos, and someone started to
chuckle. Someone else chuckled too, and within seconds the
whole crowd was rolling on the ground laughing.
"Stop it!" Spunky shouted, becoming livid as she
realized what the crowd was laughing at. "STOP IT! STOP
LAUGHING, ALL OF YOU!" Seeing that her outburst only made
the crowd laugh more, she began to cry. "STOP IT! THIS IS
NOT CUTE!! DON'T LAUGH AT US!!!"
Rory, Elan, and Dinky picked up on Spunky's tantrum
and began to cry as well. Suddenly, there was an enormous
explosion, and a billowing clowd of sparkling white where
they once stood.

Little Smakko just stood there in silence. He looked
at where his companions had been, then at the crowd, at
Slappy, and finally at his mother. Saying, "I'm sorry,"
one last time, he started to cry. Then he broke down--
literally. In a gentle puff, he disintegrated into a pile
of sparkling white powder, and joined his companions.




Epilogue

Dot Warner sat on one of the benches in Martin
Scorsese Park, feeding the pigeons. Bobby, Squit, and
Pesto argued and fought with each other over the kernels of
popcorn the Warner Sister tossed idly onto the sidewalk.
"Geesh, all this time and only a lousy walk-on cameo at the
end of the story," Bobby said.
"Well, at least we'll get paid for a speaking part,"
Squit replied. "Hey Pesto, you're missing one," he added,
pointing to a kernel by his companion's feet.
"I'm missing one?" Pesto said angrily. "Did you say
I'm missing one? What--am I some kind of engine not
hitting on all cylinders, is that it?"
"No, I just said you didn't see one," Squit tried to
explain.
"So what, now I'm blind?" Pesto shouted. "ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S IT!!"

Dot sighed as she saw the two pigeons come to blows.
She tossed the popcorn bag away, and sighed again.
Slappy wandered by and spotted her. The old squirrel
walked over and sat down next to her. "How ya doing, kid?"
she asked softly.
Dot sighed once more. "Okay..." she said finally.
Slappy looked at her. "I know how you're feeling,"
she said. "I still miss Spunky, too--even if she was a
monster."
"Slappy, could I ask you something?"
"Sure, kid."
"Didn't you once say noone ever really dies in
cartoons?"
"Um...yeah, I did, once."
"But Smakko wasn't a toon after all, was he? I
mean, he fell apart just like the others..."
Slappy put her arm around Dot. "Let me tell you
something, kid," she said gently. "In all the years I've
been in this business, there's been only been one truth
I've ever discovered: In a cartoon, anything's possible."

Dot looked up at the old squirrel. "You really
mean it?" she asked. "I mean--could Smakko come back?"
"Somehow kid, I don't think we've seen the last of
those little Koo-Koos," Slappy said.
"Thanks, Slappy," Dot said. The two toons hugged
each other, smiling.

They looked out over the park, and saw Buttons
chasing Mindy once again. And saw him get clobbered once
again as soon as he approached her. "Silly puppy!" giggled
the little child.

The little blonde-haired, blue-eyed child.

Slappy and Dot looked at each other, and stopped
smiling.


THE END


--
*-------------------------------------------------------*
| /\_/\ | Troy Klingler |
| _________ ( v v ) | a crazy little Furry |
| / ___ / \------\ / | from Northern Virginia |
| ( (__ ( )_ /__ =o=__ | |
| \___) \___ )-(__ )-(__ ) | vafurry@ix.netcom.com |
| " " " | |
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