STAR BORES

Episode 5: The Empire Sleeps In

Written by Sylvester Fox
Based on 'Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back' adapted by Lawrence
Kasdan and Leigh Bracket from a story by George Lucas
(C) 1980 Lucasfilms Ltd.
This work (C) 1997 Sylvester Fox

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<BKGD: Generic starfield. Titles roll up, then followed by roller
captions matching Slappy's voice-over>

SLAPPY: Sequel time, folks. Made so much money with the first one, let's
see if we can get ya ta see another. Guess what? Even though the Rebels
managed ta turn that Eight Ball inta so much chalk dust, the Empire found
a few spare ships lyin' 'round ta get rid of that Rebel outpost an' chase
'em across the galaxy.
Bein' the Empire, 'a course, they couldn't shoot straight enough,
an' the Rebs, decidin' that maybe they should let Skip Lukewalker lead
'em, found a new place on this ice-box of a rock called Hot. Hey, I don't
write this stuff.
Just ta make things more interestin', the evil lord Pinky Vader
gotten it in that teeny head 'a his ta track down little Skip. He's sent
out a slew 'a probes ta track him down. Hey, if he don't, things get
kind'a dull ...

[As the captions scroll off, an Imperial vessel, much like the one at the
start of 'Ennui Hope', drifts into view from 'below'. It begins firing,
then apparently the commander notices there is no rebel ship, and the ship
ceases fire.]

<INTERIOR: Imperial ship, probe bay>

[Pinky Vader, still in mechanical suit, stands by a group of bloodhounds.]

PINKY: Now, puppies, I want you to find this squirrel.

[Pinky holds out a photograph of Skip. The dogs sniff at it, then sit and
salute. Pinky laughs, then approaches a lever on the wall.]

PINKY: Go!

[Pinky pulls the lever, and the bay opens beneath the dogs which fall into
the black space. Pinky closes the doors, then turns to a nearby Imperial
stormtrooper.]

PINKY: Um ... do dogs fly?

STORMTROOPER: Sure, just like mice.

PINKY: Whoops.

[He opens the doors, then kneels at the opening.]

PINKY: [yelling through opening] Sorry!

<EXTERIOR: Space around the Imperial ship>

[The bloodhounds fall out of the ship, then start running all over,
sniffing what might have been the ground were they not in space.]

<EXTERIOR: Space around planet Hot>

[One of the Imperial bloodhounds walks in, sniffing. His ears perk up,
and he starts running towards the planet.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain, day>

[The icy plain is tranquil and empty except for a single rock outcroping
near the edge of the scene. A re-entry fireball appears in the sky,
streaking downward to the centre of the plain. It strikes, scattering
debris around. After the dust settles, the bloodhound crawls out of the
crater. He sniffs around, then dashes behind the rock outcroping. After
a few moments he re-emerges, and walks away across the plain.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, elsewhere on the plain, day>

[A lone rider slowly rides across the plain on a horse. The rider is
heavily bundled in furs, parkas, et cetera. Even his tail is wrapped.
He looks upward as he notices something in the sky. He pulls the scarf,
goggles, and whatnot from his face, revealing him to be Skip Lukewalker.
He reaches to his belt and picks up the binoculars, which he uses to scan
the sky. He then lowers the binoculars, looking at them.]

SKIP: Wow. Two movies in a row my first scene's like this.

[He replaces the binoculars and pulls out a walkie-talkie.]

SKIP: Hey, Han Yakko! You there?

HAN: [over walkie-talkie] Hey, Skip! What's new in your part of the
deep-freeze?

SKIP: I'm done with my patrol, and I didn't find any life signs.

HAN: [over walkie-talkie] Pal, the only life signs yer gonna find out
there is one (1) squirrel on one (1) horse. I've got the sensors set
up. I'll meet ya back at the base for some hot chocolate.

SKIP: I'll be back a bit later. I saw something burning through the
atmosphere, so I'm gonna check it out. Shouldn't take long.

<EXTERIOR: Hot, Han Yakko's section of the ice plain, day>

HAN: Catch ya later, then.

SKIP: [over walkie-talkie] Right-o!

[Han puts away the walkie-talkie.]

HAN: For those of you who are new to these movies, 'shouldn't take long'
is the logical equivalent of 'I'm gonna run off and get into mondo trouble'.

<EXTERIOR: Hot, Skip's section of the ice plain, day>

[Skip puts away his walkie-talkie and spurs his horse on. After riding a
few metres forward, the horse rears back sharply.]

SKIP: Whoa!

[Skip tries to rein in the horse, but the cause of its fright is soon
revealed to be a rather massive ice-covered white-haired creature, which
lets out a loud bellow. Skip finally falls off the horse, which dashes
away in a frenzy of fear. Skip lands on his head, and the only piece of
rock in this part of the plain. POV Skip as he looks up to the creature,
then fade to black as he loses consciousness.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, cave entrance, day>

[A rider rides into the entrance, not quite inconspicuously displaying
Rebel regalia.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel base hangar>

[The Rebel troopers run around unloading supplies, weapons, vehicles, et
cetera from a moving truck marked 'ACME Moving'. The rider slowly brings
his horse in and dismounts. He whips off his outer parka and goggles,
revealing him to be Han Yakko. He walks over to the 20th Century Falcon,
parked in what looks like a mechanics' bay, on a hydraulic lift. Other
fighters, this time more resembling P-51 Mustangs, lie around with
various personnel working on them. Han walks over to where ChewWakko is
working, replacing a muffler on the Falcon. Han gives ChewWakko a hearty
pat on the back.]

HAN: Heey, Chewwie! How's it goin'?

[ChewWakko yelps, then drops the muffler on his foot.]

CHEWWAKKO: Oowwww!

[Han looks sheepish for half a moment.]

HAN: Eeeeeeeeh, maybe I'll come back later and help ya ...

[ChewWakko grumbles as he lifts the muffler from his foot. Han walks away.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel base control centre>

[Various Rebel personnel are unpacking control centre items from packing
crates marked 'Fragile'. As Han Yakko enters the room, General Rita hops
out of a crate marked 'Live Rebel Officer' and onto a table where she can
talk to Han face-to-face.]

RITA: Han Yakko ... report?

HAN: No-one's out there for miles, General. Besides, those sensors I set
up are runnin' fine. Anything comes by, you'll know.

RITA: Commander Lukewalker reported in yet?

HAN: Nope. He's off checking out some meteorite crash site.

RITA: Well, if he's gonna check out every meteorite, he's not gonna be
back for a long time. There's so many our radar's given up on findin'
anything.

[Pan to Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly sitting at a console.]

RADAR: Sorry, Colonel, I can't find anything.

[Radar approaches Rita, carrying a dish of cream.]

RITA: Radar, go get me a dish of cream.

RADAR: Yes, ma'am.

[Rita blinks in surprise, then sighs.]

RITA: I hate it when he does that.

[Radar exits the cameo.]

[During this exchange, Han Yakko is seen scratching his chin. As Rita
turns her attention back to him, he shrugs, then speaks.]

HAN: Well, it's been fun, General, but Chewwy an' I gotta split.

[Princess Dot, unpacking a nearby carton, hears this and seethes.]

RITA: What gives with the attack of chickenitis?

HAN: No, it's not that. I just owe the Godpigeon a bajillion bucks, and
if I don't get him the dough, I won't be able to get away from his pigeon
bombardiers.

RITA: Thanks for sharing that tidbit. Well, if ya gotta go, ya gotta go.
See ya 'round, Yakko.

[Rita trots off to screen right. Han Yakko turns to screen left, and
walks a very short distance before coming nose-to-nose with a very angry
Dot.]

HAN: Well, hey hey hey there, sweetie.

DOT: Don't you 'sweetie' me, you fink!

HAN: 'Fink'? I thought we never used those sorts of words.

DOT: Don't blame me, blame him.

[Dot points over to a middle-aged skunk sitting at an AT&T 6300, busily
clacking away at the keyboard.]

HAN: Anyway, so long.

[Han strides off. Dot seethes for a while, then throws her hands up and
storms after Han.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base corridor>

[Han Yakko strides along the corridore, resolve in his eyes.]

HAN: Stupid oven cleaner!

[Han takes out a rag and wipes the resolve off his eyes, then continues
until he hears Dot's voice behind him.]

DOT: Hey! Han Yakko!

[Han turns around. Dot walks angrily up to him.]

DOT: You said you were gonna stay!

HAN: I changed my mind. Girl's perogative.

DOT: We need you here, Han!

HAN: 'We'? What about 'you'?

DOT: Huh?

HAN: You know you're hot for me.

DOT: Deees-gusting!

HAN: [to camera] Nothing like a little incest to start off a show, eh?

DOT: I'd rather kiss a skeleton.

[Mr Skullhead walks past as Dot says that. Tom Bodett's voice is heard.]

TOM BODETT: Good idea: Kissing a cute girl.

[Mr Skullhead and Dot lock in a tender embrace.]

TOM BODETT: Bad idea: Kissing a cute gorilla.

[Kiki ('Kiki's Kitten') angrily storms into the corridor. Mr Skullhead
tries to kiss her, and is immediately pummeled.]

TOM BODETT: The end.

DOT: That was pointless. Anyway, -- hey!

[Dot turns to see Han Yakko has already left.]

DOT: Boys.

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base Hangar>

[Han approaches ChewWakko, who is banging on what looks like an important
part with a mallet. After a few whacks, ChewWakko shrugs, then tosses the
part into his mouth, gobbling it down.]

HAN: There goes the recycling drive. How's the Falcon?

CHEWWAKKO: I'm missing an Illusium PU-36 explosive space modulator.

HAN: What happened to that big box of 'em we've got in the trunk?

CHEWWAKKO: I sold 'em to this Martian in a helmet.

HAN: Great. I wanna leave this misnamed icebox and you sell all the
Illusium PU-36 explosive space modulators!

[As Han and ChewWakko start to argue, Scratch-3PO and Ralph2-D2 walk
past.]

SCRATCHY: Um, Master Yakko?

HAN: Yeah?

SCRATCHY: Ze Princess vants to speak with you.

HAN: What, so she can yell at me? No way.

SCRATCHY: Nein! She vants to know vhere Master Skip is!

HAN: I dunno.

SCRATCHY: Oh, nein ...

CHEWWAKKO: O-9? Bingo!

[Han and Scratchy look at ChewWakko oddly.]

CHEWWAKKO: What?

[Han and Scratchy resume their discussion.]

SCRATCHY: You see, ze Princess hasn't seen him since ze film started,
und --

[Han quickly grabs a random officer.]

HAN: Hey! You seen Skip Lukewalker come in yet?

OFFICER: Not yet, but he might have come in the back door.

HAN: Well, go check!

OFFICER: Yes, sir!

[The officer rushes off.]

SCRATCHY: [aside to Ralph2] I sink Master Skip might be in a bit of
trouble.

HAN: [aside to camera] Told ya so.

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base Stables>

[The random officer approaches Han as he strides down toward the stables.]

OFFICER: He didn't come in the back way, either.

HAN: That's it: I'm going out there into the bitter, cold blizzard to
look for him!

[Han strikes a dramatic pose as he says this.]

HAN: Fetch me my horse.

OFFICER: But it's too cold out! You'll freeze!

HAN: Then I'll say 'Hi' to Walt.

OFFICER: The outside temperature's dropping too rapidly!

HAN: So'll our box-office receipts if we let the hero of the flic die too
soon!

[Han spurs his steed into action.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, ice cavern>

[Skip Lukewalker slowly regains consciousness. He finds himself swinging
upside-down, tied to a stalactite by his ankles. He looks roughed-up, and
his light-mallet lies on the floor. His eyes blink a few times, then
bulge out as hears the voice of his captor.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: Look! My very own bunny-rabbit!

SKIP: Aaaaaa!

[The Abominable Snowman takes Skip down from the ceiling and hugs him.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: I will feed him and care for him and call him George
and ...

SKIP: [muffled, weak] I'm not a bunny rabbit ...

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: You're not?

SKIP: I'm a Gookie squirrel.

[Skip concentrates, causing his mallet to fly to his outstretched hand.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: Oh ...

[The snowman thinks for a while, then crushes Skip in a tight bearhug.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: My very own Gookie Squirrel!

SKIP: Help ...

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: I will feed him and take care of him and call him
George and I will care for him forever and ever and ever ...

[The snowman continues. A muffle 'zzzln' is heard as Skip ignites his
mallet.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: Yeeooow!

[Skip flies out of the snowman's hand as he holds it, in pain. He holds
it up to his face, whimpering. In the meantime, Skip hits the ground and
hurriedly runs off. After sucking his hand for a few moments, the snowman
turns around, looking for Skip. He sighs.]

ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN: I lose more Gookie Squirrels that way ...

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain, dusk>

[Skip staggers forward, into a blizzard. He grimly marches forward,
leaning into the wind, then gasps, and screams as the winds catch him,
hurling him away.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base Stable Entrance, dusk>

[Han, Scratchy, and Ralph2 stand outside, Han astride his mount.]

HAN: Never fear, men!

SCRATCHY: Ve're droids.

HAN: Oh. Well ... never fear, droids! I'll do whatever it takes to find
our beloved leader, Skip Lukewalker. If I have to *heroic speech* ...

SCRATCHY: Ja, ja, just go already!

[Han blinks, then wheels his horse to face forward, into the wind. They
take a few steps forward into the grim wind, before hearing a scream.
Weak and distant at first, it seems to grow until Skip, the source of the
scream, is hurled by the wind straight into Yakko's face. Skip looks
dazed by both his ordeal, flight, and impact.]

SKIP: [sounding like the little bluebird] Mommy!

HAN: So much for my dramatic rescue scene.

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base medical centre>

[Skip lies on a bed, moaning slightly. Doctor Paulsen turns away from him
to Han Yakko and Princess Dot.]

DOCTOR: I'm afraid he might need to recover for a while.

DOT: No problem, we've got a hallucination scene to fill time.

[Camera slowly approaches Skip, centring on his face, until dissolve into
... ]

<HALLUCINATION: Interior, Ben's old hut>

[Skip's POV. He looks up, from a cot in the hut, and sees Oboo-Wan
Kenoboo's face looking back down at him.]

SKIP: Ben?

BEN: Buk buk, b'kb'k.

SKIP: What? The ... Pasadenobah system?

BEN: Buuuk buk, b'kbkbuk. B'kbk bak b'kaw.

SKIP: I must learn from ... Olda? Why?

BEN: [shrugging] B'kaw ...

SKIP: Oooh ... wait, don't go!

[The hallucination begins to waver, returning us to ... ]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base medical centre>

[Skip moans, then sits upright in his bed. Han Yakko and Dot move to
either side of him.]

SKIP: Whu ... where am I?

HAN: Hey there, Skip! I knew you could make it back!

[Han reaches into a pocket, and takes out some money. He hands it to
Dot.]

HAN: You win.

DOT: Skip, are you all right?

SKIP: Yeah, I guess so ...

HAN: Lucky for you I was around, eh?

SKIP: Yeah, thanks.

[Han Yakko turns back to Dot, a leer in his eyes.]

HAN: Lucky for you too, eh?

DOT: What *are* you talking about?

HAN: That I'm stuck on this planet for a while. Way t' use your power,
eh?

DOT: Oh, dry up. That's an order from General Rita, you space bum.

HAN: Yeah, sure. I know you girls go nuts over space rogues like me.

DOT: Oh, really? Well, let me just show you how I feel ...

[Dot puts her hands on Han's cheeks, and draws him close. Han smiles
smugly, until Dot, with a calm smile, tosses him over her back. The scene
shakes as Han Yakko hits the wall. Han stumbles back just in time to see
Dot plant a big kiss on the still-dazed Skip.]

HAN: Oh, suure, kiss the leading role, why don't you?

[An alarm klaxon is heard in the distance.]

LOUDSPEAKER: Headquarters personnel, report to command centre.

HAN: Hindquarters personnel, report to the potty.

[Han and Dot rush out of the room, leaving Skip behind. He shrugs, then
pulls out a videocassette. He puts it in his bedside VCR, and on his TV
the opening credits of 'Star Bores' are seen.

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base command centre>

[Rita looks intently into a screen, with the two droids milling around
the back of the room idly. Han and Dot enter, and move by her.]

HAN: What is it?

RITA: Look for yourself.

[Han crouches over. POV Han as we see the screen in question. A blip is
showing, currently some distance from the centre, or base.]

RITA: It's not ours, that's all we know so far.

[An officer speaks up from the perhiphery.]

OFFICER: Sir! We're picking up something coming from the object!

RITA: What is it?

[Scratchy stands up, clearing his metallic throat.]

SCRATCHY: Ma'am, I am fluent in over a billion forms of communication.
Let me try.

[Rita nods, and Scratchy plugs himself into a wall. He turns up the
volume knob, and the signal is heard: a series of canine barks, howls,
etc. After a few moments, Scratchy unplugs.]

RITA: Well?

SCRATCHY: I don't know, but it sounds like an Imperial code.

[The barking ends.]

RITA: Imperial? Bad news. You folks go out and see what's there.

HAN: Right!

[Han heroically dashes out of the command centre. Rita turns to Dot.]

RITA: Quite the rogue, ain't he?

DOT: Yeah, but so arrogant.

RITA: Ya got that right, sister.

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain, day>

[The bloodhound starts sniffing along, nose to the snow. It walks over a
ridge, and sees the Rebel base. It pulls out a telephone and dials, then
barks muffledly into it.
Han rides up, and sees. He pulls out his gun and fires a few times.
ChewWakko appears over another ridge, and likewise fires. The dog reacts
by screaming, and as a blast hits his rump, runs away yelping.
Han pulls out his walkie-talkie as ChewWakko investigates, finding the
hound's telephone.]

HAN: Hey, guess what we found!

RITA: [over radio] What?

HAN: An Imperial probe hound.

DOT: [over radio] Oh no ... and just when I had the windows done, too!

RITA: [over radio] I hate that box ...

[ChewWakko looks at the telephone.]

CHEWWAKKO: I think there's someone on the other end.

HAN: Lemme see that, Chewwie ...

[Han takes the telephone.]

HAN: Hello?

<EXTERIOR: Space>

[Pinky Vader's destroyer, distinguished by the bow shaped like his head
(complete with goofy smile), sails in formation with other destroyers,
smaller and without Pinky's face.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

[Several miscellaneous Imperial officers mill around the bridge, doing
things in the background. General Walter Veers and Admiral Beanie Ozzel
watch on, and turn to each other.]

WALTER: Typecasting.

BEANIE: Uuh huh ... um, Walter?

WALTER: Yeah?

BEANIE: What's typecasting?

WALTER: I'm glad your part doesn't live long.

[A miscellaneous officer, seated at a desk, is writing on a pad and
talking on a telephone. He blinks.]

OFFICER: [into phone] Hello? Hello? [not in phone] Admiral Beanie?

BEANIE: Yes?

OFFICER: We got a report from a probe in the Hot system. It broke off,
but it's the best we got.

BEANIE: Huh?

OFFICER: The Rebels may be hiding there.

BEANIE: Huh?

[The officer blinks a while, then starts listening to the phone.]

OFFICER: Um, you should listen to this ...

[Pinky Vader steps into the bridge, like a chill wind.]

WALTER: Someone turn down that air conditioning!

OFFICER: Sssh! I'm on the phone!

[Pinky Vader walks over to the officer, sipping a glass of soda, and
listens.]

OFFICER: Hello? Who is this?

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain, day>

HAN YAKKO: [into phone] Hello, you've reached the secret Rebel base on
the ice planet Hot. If you know the extension of the Gookie Knight you
wish to speak with, enter it now. Beeep!

[ChewWakko reaches over, takes the telephone, and pops it into his mouth.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

OFFICER: We've lost contact, Lord Pinky.

[Pinky thinks for a moment.]

PINKY: I have a weeeird feeling Skip Lukewalker's in that system!
Admiral Beanie! Plot a course for the Hot system, Warp 7, narf! Engage!

WALTER: That's the wrong movie, ya half-witted rodent! This is 'Star
Bores'!

PINKY: Wha? Oh, right, well then ... um, the Farce be with yoououououou!
Poit.

<EXTERIOR: Space>

[The destroyers sail off.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base medical centre, Skip's bed>

[Alarms sound as various troops and droids rush about, packing everything
for the evacuation. Skip sits up in his bed, watching, and getting
dressed. He is then picked up by a trooper, and set into a crate.]

SKIP: Hey!

TROOPER: Whoops! Sorry, sir.

[Skip hops out of the crate, then rushes out the door.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base main hangar>

[Skip rushes through towards an armoured snowmobile. He passes the 20th
Century Falcon, where Han Yakko and ChewWakko are changing a tire. They
see Skip, and ChewWakko rushes over to give Skip a big hug.]

CHEWWAKKO: I'm gonna miss you!

SKIP: Take care of yourself, OK?

[ChewWakko returns to the air wrench. Han then turns to Skip.]

HAN: You OK there?

SKIP: Yeah.

HAN: You be careful out there, or I'll tell your folks.

[They smile, and wave. Skip walks away, then turns back. Han likewise
looks back. They look at each other, silently communicating their wishes
for safety, happiness, and success. They keep looking, then smile
dreamily. Hearts appear in their eyes, and violin music plays in the
background. They float towards each other, locked in their loving gaze.
As they almost meet, ChewWakko reaches over and tugs sharply on Han
Yakko's tail, breaking the scene. Han turns to look at ChewWakko, then at
Skip. Skip, after the scene is broken, blushes quite nicely. Han smirks,
then hops into Skip's arms.]

HAN: So, where'll we go for the honeymoon?

[Han gives Skip a big kiss, then rushes off. Skip, looking dazed, resumes
his trip to the snowmobile shack.]

<INTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base control centre>

[Another officer watches the radar, and calls over General Rita.]

OFFICER: General, there's a fleet of Imperial destroyers coming here!

RITA: All power to the shields. We gotta hold 'em off so we can scram.

[Scotty enters from the side.]

SCOTTY: I'm tryin', sair, but we dinna hav much powair ta go 'roound.

RITA: I hate cameos. All troops, prepare for ground assault!

OFFICER: What about you, General?

RITA: Tell ya what, I'll just head on over here.

[Rita dashes off.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, Pinky Vader's room>

[The interior of the room is dark, save for a beam of light from the
ceiling illuminating a spot in the centre. In this spot, Pinky Vader, out
of his mechanical suit, floats in the lotus position, fingers wiggling,
and chanting. A knock at the door precedes the entrance of General
Walter. Pinky continues to chant.]

PINKY: Owhatalooniam, owhatalooniam, owhatalooniam ...

[Walter waits for a while, then clears his throat. Pinky continues to
chant and float. Walter sighs, then rears back.]

WALTER: HEY!

[Pinky, startled out of his trance, stops chanting and falls to the
floor.]

PINKY: Oof! Zort!

[He stands up, and looks at Walter.]

PINKY: Aaaa! Get outta here!

WALTER: What?

PINKY: I'm not dressed! Now go so I can change, narf!

[Walter sighs disgustedly, and turns around. Pinky scampers toward the
suit, climbing into it.]

WALTER: [under breath] Like he wears clothes to begin with ...

[Pinky activates the suit, and turns around.]

PINKY: OK, I'm ready.

[Walter sighs again and turns around]

WALTER: The fleet has arrived at the planet Hot. There's a shield 'round
the thing that's big enough that we can't knock it down from here.

PINKY: Oooh, that's big.

WALTER: That stupid Beanie had to stop and ask for directions! The
Rebels could see us coming!

PINKY: Well, that's too bad, isn't it.

WALTER: What?

PINKY: Too bad for Beanie. Oh well, I have to do that bad-guy thing,
poit.

[Pinky turns on a viewscreen nearby. Beanie's face appears. Wilford B.
Wolf appears in the background, pushing a janitor's cart.]

BEANIE: Aaah, Lord Pinky, we have ...

PINKY: Beanie, you've failed me for the last time.

[Pinky makes a motion with his hand. A small shadow appears over Beanie.
He looks up, and comes as close to comprehension as possible for him.]

PINKY: You, there!

[Wilford blinks up in surprise.]

WILFORD: Hello?

PINKY: You're in charge of the fleet now.

WILFORD: Um, I'm just the janitor.

PINKY: Prepare to land the troops inside the shield. Then circle the
planet so nothing can leave.

WILFORD: Er, I'm just the janitor.

PINKY: Oh, well, you can still clean the bridge while I'm gone.

[Wilford shudders, as he watches the ever-expanding shadow on Beanie.
After it almost reaches him, the anvil casting the shadow crushes Beanie,
shaking the entire ship.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[Various pilots sit around Dot, standing at a blackboard against a wall.]

DOT: OK, folks, here's the plan.

[Dot spin-changes into a coach's sweats, complete with whistle.]

DOT: You, Baker, and Lindsey, screen Edwards here as he goes through.
Diaz and DelGado, fly out long. Edwards will lateral to Kufrovic, who'll
send a long bomb over here to the rendezvous point, where Manning'll be
waiting. Any questions, team?

PILOTS: No, coach.

DOT: All right, then! Huddle up ...

[The pilots gather around Dot.]

DOT: 'Rebel pride' on 3. 1 ... 2 ...

ALL: Rebel pride!

[The pilots rush off, the Rebel band playing stirring music as they head
for their craft.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base, day>

[Montage of scenes showing the Rebel troops preparing for the coming
battle.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base command centre>

[Dot and Rita stand, watching the officers work.]

RITA: You give them the attack plan?

DOT: Yep!

[Dot shows Rita a clipboard. Rita gasps in shock.]

RITA: That's not the battle plan!

DOT: No?

RITA: That's my ulcer prescription!

DOT: Ooops ...

<INTERIOR: Imperial destroyer, bridge>

[Imperial officers man the stations. Commanding this destroyer is
Sergeant Sweete ('Boot Camping'). An officer stands at attention in front
of him.]

SGT. SWEETE: Yes, trooper?

OFFICER: We've just spotted some Rebel transports trying to leave the
planet!

SGT. SWEETE: Heh, fresh meat ... prepare the main cannon!

WEAPONS OFFICER: Yes, sergeant!

[Sergeant Sweete leans forward in his seat, glaring evilly at the main
viewscreen showing the Rebel transports.]

<EXTERIOR: Space around Hot>

[Two Rebel transports fly up at the destroyer, which swings around, aiming
its guns at them.]

<INTERIOR: Imperial destroyer, bridge>

SGT. SWEETE: Bu-bye.

<EXTERIOR: Space around Hot>

[The Rebel ships fly up to the cannon of the destroyer, which begin to
glow as if ready to fire. From hatches in both transports come large
corks, which are stuffed into the barrels of the cannon. They try to
fire, but instead, backfire into the ship, sending it careening through
space. The transports exchange 'high-five's, then sail off.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[The area is crowded with transports waiting to leave as well as Rebel
soldiers preparing armoured snowmobiles for the upcoming battle. General
Rita then speaks over the P. A. system.]

RITA: [over loudspeaker] The destroyer's gone! Transports, hit the road!

[The troops cheer, then the transports peel out of the hangar in a
tire-squealing melee.
On the deck, Skip straps into his snowmobile. He checks around, then
starts the motor. His and several other snowmobiles then roar out into
the snow.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain>

[The snowmobiles are seen streaking from the base. Pan along their line
of travel until other machines are seen. These are Imperial 'walker's,
giant vehicles that resemble robot dogs. They trod on, armed and armoured
to the teeth.
The snowmobiles eventually meet the walkers and attempt to engage them in
battle. The walkers fire, and the snowmobiles return fire. One
snowmobile is simply stepped on. Another is seen fleeing, a walker in
pursuit and barking at it.]

<INTERIOR: Skip's snowmobile>

[Skip rides around, watching the action, when he finds himself
cockpit-to-cockpit with a walker. He looks up, and up, and up ... ]

SKIP: Aaaa!

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain, day>

[The snowmobile quickly turns around, pursued by the massive war machine.
It rides roughly over the snow, then catches on a snowbank and overturns,
sending Skip into a sprawl. He lands behind another snowberm, and
crouches behind it. The walker continues advancing, looking for the
fallen Skip. As it passes the snowbank Skip is hiding behind, he sticks
out his foot, into the walker's path. The walker trips over it, crashing
headlong into the snow. Skip, cowering behind the snowbank, opens his
eyes and sees what has happened.]

SKIP: Wow ... I didn't think that'd work.

[Skip gets back to his snowmobile, rights it, and speeds off.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base command centre>

[Very little remains in the room, as most of it has been packed. Rita and
Leia still stand inside it, Rita in her carton. An officer seals the box
and carries it out.]

RITA: [from box] Hey! Read the labels, FedEx!

[Han Yakko rushes into the room, Scratchy lagging behind.]

HAN: I hate to break up your dramatic desparation scene, your highness,
but we've gotta go.

DOT: But the troops! Who'll they turn to? Who'll lead them? They need
me here!

HAN: Right now the only way you're gonna lead them's by showin' them
their seats in the outbound ships. You noticed your ship's sinkin' round
ya, Ahab?

[An entire section of the ceiling lands, barely missing Dot.]

HAN: Well?

[Dot blinks, then pulls in luggage from off-screen.]

DOT: Maybe it is time for a strategic retreat.

[They all rush out quickly.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, Rebel Base, day>

[The troops stand their ground for a while, then quickly drop their
weapons and hurry off, screaming 'Run away! Run away!' as per 'Monty
Python and the Holy Grail', chased by the fire from the Imperial walker
guns.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base corridors>

[Han Yakko and Dot dash down the corridor, shaking with the pounding the
station is taking. Scratchy lags behind them, unable to keep up.]

SCRATCHY: Vait for me! I'm too old to keep up mit your runnink!

DOT: Which way's my transport ship?

HAN: Down here!

[An explosion rocks the corridor, causing the tunnel Han was pointing down
to cave in with debris.]

HAN: @@@@h, maybe not.

DOT: You sure you got your directions right?

HAN: Relax, Princess, you're in good hands.

[Dot is seen talking with a white beagle, standing upright. She turns
back to Han.]

DOT: Sorry, I'm already covered.

<RIMSHOT>

HAN: C'mon, this way!

DOT: How do I know this is the right tunnel?

[Another explosion rocks the corridor, dropping a load of snow on Dot.
She climbs out of it.]

DOT: OK, you win.

[They rush down the corridor.]

SCRATCHY: It's alvays ze same with droids, ja? Zey always ask you to do
ze real vork, zen vhen all goes kablooey, zey leave you!

[As Scratchy runs down the corridor, he passes another robot, slumped by
the wayside.]

ROBOT: Isn't that the way. [sigh] Life. Don't talk to me about life.

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base control centre>

[Imperial troopers stride into what remains of the Rebel control centre.
Pinky Vader moves silently behind them, until he loses traction.]

PINKY: Wau-au-au-augh!

[He slips, landing with a loud crash as the suit falls down.]

PINKY: Zort! I knew I should've gotten the snow tires put on ...

TROOPER: Lord Pinky! They went this way.

PINKY: Er, right! Um, could someone give me a hand here?

[The troopers shrug and help right Pinky Vader's suit.]

PINKY: Oh, thanks, chums. Now, forward!

[They troop down the tunnel.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base corridor>

[Han Yakko and Dot are still running.]

HAN: Here it is!

[They rush through a door, and close it behind them, causing the still
trailing Scratchy to slam into it. He starts hammering away at it.]

SCRATCHY: Lemme in! Lemme in!

[The doors open, and an arm comes out, yanking Scratchy through. The
doors snap shut.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[The 20th Century Falcon sits alone in the hangar. ChewWakko sits on the
boarding ramp, sleeping. Han Yakko and Dot rush in, carrying Scratchy
above them, and dash up the ramp.]

HAN: Hey, sleepyhead! Get in here!

CHEWWAKKO: Huh?

[ChewWakko gets up, takes a wrench lying on the ground, and eats it before
sleepily entering the ship. The ramp slams shut behind them.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, main room>

[Han Yakko leans into an open panel. The sounds of very improvised
service (mallets and duct-tape) are heard within. ChewWakko watches a
bank of instruments as Dot reads a paperback book.]

HAN: This work?

CHEWWAKKO: No, nothing changed.

HAN: [grunting, fixing] How 'bout this?

CHEWWAKKO: Nothing.

DOT: Would it help if I got out and pushed?

HAN: [to Dot] It might. [to ChewWakko, after grunting] This?

CHEWWAKKO: Nothing.

[Han pulls himself out and looks at what ChewWakko is looking at.]

HAN: That's not the dashboard! That's the clock!

CHEWWAKKO: I wondered why it just went around and around ...

DOT: Let's just get this scene over with, OK?

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[Various stormtroopers burst through the door, and begin to set up a large
weapon. Others try to fire at the Falcon itself, but with little effect.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

[Han Yakko hops into the pilot's seat and starts flipping switches,
turning knobs, et cetera. Dot stands in the back, watching cynically.]

DOT: So, are we gonna take off or should I ask Pinky Vader for a tow?

HAN: Relax, everything's under control.

DOT: Just not yours.

[Han seethes, then looks out at the stormtroopers. He smirks, then flips
a switch.]

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[The stormtroopers finish their weapon. A bay opens on the Falcon, and an
anvil appears, launched at high speed. It strikes the troopers,
scattering them and destroying their gun.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

HAN: Anvilania's gonna be mad I dumped their cargo like that. [over
shoulder] Buckle up back there, we're hittin' the road!

<INTERIOR: Rebel Base hangar>

[The Falcon lifts up, then the engines blast and the ship soars off,
demolishing most of what remains of the walls.]

<EXTERIOR: Hot, plain away from the base, day>

[Skip and the rest of the snowmobile riders meet by the bank of P-51
Mustangs that had just been shipped in. Ralph2 sits in the backseat of
the one Skip climbs into. The pilots watch as the 20th Century Falcon
soars overhead, and shout. Mainly because it is barely overhead, and two
of the taller pilots were knocked over. Skip sighs, then starts climbing
into his fighter. He looks across at his friend, Plucky Wedgie, climbs
into another. He waves, and Plucky waves back.]

PLUCKY: See ya at the rendezvous point!

SKIP: Right.

[Skip turns to Ralph2, who is beeping impatiently.]

SKIP: Alright, alright, we're going ...

[Skip pulls the canopy shut over himself. The propeller begins to turn,
and the fighters fly off.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, fighter formation>

[Skip's fighter flies in formation with another group as they all soar
into the stars.]

<INTERIOR: Skip's cockpit>

[Skip blinks, as if hearing a voice.]

BEN'S VOICE: Buk buk, b'kb'k.

[Skip stares blankly for a few moments, then pulls hard on the control
stick.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, fighter formation>

[Skip's fighter veers to its left, cutting off another fighter.]

PLUCKY: Hey! Watch it!

<INTERIOR: Skip's cockpit>

[Skip watches as the 'scenery' shifts. Behind him, Ralph2 lets out a loud
series of beeps, including a few covered by the censors' 'beep'.]

SKIP: Settle down, Ralph2. We're just taking the scenic route.

RALPH2: Beep!

SKIP: No, we're not regrouping with the others.

RALPH2: Beep beep?!?

SKIP: We're going to the Pasadenobah system.

RALPH2: Beep?

SKIP: Trust me.

[Ralph2 beeps resignedly as Skip flies the fighter onward.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[The Falcon soars past, pursued by several Bow TIE fighters and a
destroyer.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

[Han and Dot have been joined by ChewWakko and Scratchy.]

HAN: OK, folks, we're ready to (dramatic pause) MAKE THE JUMP.

CHEWWAKKO: Not THE JUMP?

HAN: Yes, THE JUMP.

SCRATCHY: Vhat jump?

HAN: I dunno, but it's sure fun to say that.

[The ship rocks as the pursuing Imperial craft open fire.]

HAN: Strap in, kids, here -- we -- go!

[Han pulls down on a throttle lever, hard.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[The Falcon sweeps past the camera, then whines as if gathering energy for
a quick flash of speed. The whine peaks, then drops off. Nothing
happens.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

HAN: Hey! Why aren't we moving?!?

DOT: [dryly] You pulled on the parking brake lever.

HAN: [sheepishly, but recovering] Um, yeah, I knew that. We gotta stay
still for a few seconds before hyperspeed. OK, [pulls brake release]
parking brake off ...

[Han reaches for another lever, marked 'Hyperspeed'.]

HAN: 5 ... 4 ...

ALL: Get on with it!

HAN: In a hurry or something? 3-2-1 go!

[Han pulls on the lever.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[Similar shot as before, up to and including the engine whine. However,
this time the ship blasts forward, leaving a long light trail from its
engine.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[All four mill around as if off duty. Han looks up, and notices the
camera is active. He shrugs, and addresses the audience.]

HAN: We didn't have the budget for a space battle in an asteroid field.
Why don't you folks check on Skip?

<EXTERIOR: Space, Skip's fighter>

[Skip pilots his fighter toward the smog-shrouded planet Pasadenobah.]

<INTERIOR: Skip's cockpit>

[Skip loos out the canopy at the brown clouds. Ralph2 bleeps a question
to him.]

SKIP: I'm sure it's safe down there. What're the odds someone's gonna
kidnap you and sell you to some farmer?

[Ralph2 beeps sarcastically.]

SKIP: Oh, yeah. Well, don't worry. Coming in for a landing ...

RALPH2: Bleeep?

SKIP: Where? Um ...

[POV Skip as he scans the surroundings. A flash of light gets his
attention ... ]

SKIP: Over there!

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, Skip's fighter, night>

[Skip's fighter erratically heads for what appear to be landing lights,
and touches down. The canopy pops open, and Skip springs out. Ralph2
trundles from his position and crashes next to Skip, cracking the runway.]

SKIP: Ralph2 ...

[They trudge off into the gloom.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, path, night>

[Skip is skipping down the path, wearing a blue and white dress, a
brunette wig made up in long braids, and what appear to be ruby shoes.
Ralph2 follows.]

SKIP: We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard Olda!

[Ralph2 bleeps a few times tiredly. Skip turns around to talk with him.]

SKIP: What is it, Ralph2? Tired?

[Ralph2 shakes his head.]

SKIP: Scared?

[Ralph2 shakes his head again.]

SKIP: What?

[Ralph2 points at Skip's skirt. He looks down, then screams and pulls in
a clothes blind. It retracts, leaving Skip in his normal costume.]

SKIP: [blushing] Um, well ... I need a job after this, don't I?

[Ralph2 shrugs, and they continue down the lane.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, clearing, night>

[Skip and Ralph2 sit down. Skip takes out his pack.]

SKIP: Hungry?

[Skip holds out a donut, which Ralph2 quickly snaps out of his hand.]

SKIP: Hey!

[He idly munches on a few Acme Snax, looking around the dismal area.]

SKIP: Ben told me to find Olda here ... but how?

[Ralph2 shrugs.]

SKIP: If only I had some sort of sign ...

VOICE: Sorry, kid, but someone drove through the billboard.

[Skip screams and leaps up into an overhanging tree. He looks down to see
an old squirrel staring back up at him. She has grey fur, is stooped, and
wears a green derby with a daisy from the brim.]

SLAPPY: Nice leapin'.

[Skip falls from the tree, light-mallet in hand and activated.]

SLAPPY: Hey, put that thing away. I ain't gonna hurt ya.

[Skip still eyes Slappy warily, but then deactivates his mallet.]

SLAPPY: So, kiddo ... what're you doin' in this dump?

SKIP: I'm looking for someone.

SLAPPY: Well, ya found me, anyway. [smirks] Hey, I can help ya out, and
trust me, ya look like ya could use all the help ya can get.

SKIP: Sorry, no ... I'm looking for Olda, the great Gookie warrior.

[Slappy moves over to Skip's campsite, poking through his supplies with
her umbrella.]

SKIP: Hey! That's my food!

[Slappy looks at a packet of Acme Snax that has stuck to the end of her
umbrella.]

SLAPPY: There's lots'a stuff I'd like ta call this, but 'food' ain't one
of them. Ah, here's somethin' ...

[Slappy reaches down and pulls out a flashlight. Skip rushes over.]

SKIP: Hey, that's mine!

SLAPPY: Eeh, I could use a few more 'a these.

SKIP: Listen, we'll just be on our way now ...

SLAPPY: No way, chum. This flashlight's mine, an' you're comin' with me.

SKIP: Listen, we're gonna need that so we can find our way outta this
empty lot and get my plane back ...

SLAPPY: First, this place is mine. Second, -- hey!

[Ralph2 by now has grabbed at the torch and tugs on it.]

SLAPPY: Hey! Leggo!

[Ralph2 beeps a few times.]

SKIP: [sighing] Ralph2, let it go.

[Ralph2 continues beeping and pulling. Slappy glares at it, then brings
her fist down on his head with a loud klunk.]

SLAPPY: Typical machine. OK, kiddo, follow me.

SKIP: Sorry, ma'am, but I need to find Olda!

SLAPPY: Eeh, you'll find yer Olda soon enough. I'll even take ya over ta
his place. In the mornin'. C'mon, I'll get ya some real food.

[Slappy shines the flashlight on and sloshes away. Skip turns to Ralph2,
shrugs, and follows. Ralph2 trails behind.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, Pinky Vader's destroyer>

[Pinky's flagship majestically soars through space.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

[Pinky reclines in the centre chair, watching the viewscreen. He idly
flicks his remote control at it. On the screen pass: an infomercial
advertising the Smallerizer Plus, an underwear commercial, three seconds
of dancing turtles, then an image of one of his captains, Captain Newt.]

PINKY: Hi!

NEWT: Ah, Lord Pinky!

PINKY: Well?

NEWT: We lost them, Lord Pinky. Don't worry, we'll get them back!

PINKY: OK, narf.

[Newt fades from the monitor. Newly-christened Admiral Wilford cautiously
approaches Pinky.]

WILFORD: Um, sir, the, um, Emperor wishes to speak with you, sir.

[Pinky turns to Wilford, smiling goofily.]

PINKY: A call? For me? Zounds! I'd better take it ... I'll be in my
chamber, narf!

[Pinky Vader dances off the bridge.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, Pinky Vader's room>

[Pinky dances in, singing nonsensically. He hops out of his suit and
approaches the shaft of light. He kneels down, and before him a
relatively large image of Emperor Palpabrain appears. He is dressed much
as Oboo-Wan Kenoboo was, but in black.]

PINKY: Hi there!

EMPEROR: Hello, Pinky. How goes my plan?

PINKY: Oh, it's going along so splendidly! Narf!

EMPEROR: I wish I could share your optimism, Pinky. However, I sense a
great disturbance in the Farce.

PINKY: Oh! And I put out the 'Do Not Disturb' sign, too!

EMPEROR: Silence, Pinky. We have a new enemy ... Skip Lukewalker!

PINKY: Whatever happened to all our old enemies, Brain?

EMPEROR: That's 'Emperor Palpabrain'. We crushed all our enemies before
our awesome might, Pinky. But this Skip Lukewalker ... yes, he could
destroy us.

PINKY: But he's so young! Besides, Oboo-Wan's gone now, he can't help
him anymore.

EMPEROR: Yes, but the Farce is strong within him. We must not let the
son of Lukewalker become a Gookie. You must destroy him.

PINKY: Sure thing, Br --ah, Emperor. Oh, no, wait ... what if we could
turn him to our evil schemes? He would be a good ally, poit.

[The Emperor looks thoughtful for a few moments.]

EMPEROR: Yes, perhaps ... Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

PINKY: I think so, Brain, but who'd pay $7 to watch a film when they can
rent it for $2?

EMPEROR: No, Pinky ... we will bend Skip Lukewalker to our will! You are
sure it can be done?

PINKY: Well, not like we'll give him much choice, won't we, Brain?

EMPEROR: 'Emperor Palpabrain'! Yes, with Lukewalker under our control,
we can control the galaxy!

PINKY: What about taking over the world?

EMPEROR: We already did that.

PINKY: Oh. Well, bye!

[The image of the Emperor fades.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, tree/house, night>

[Smoke rises from a chimney, and lights are seen in the windows.]

<INTERIOR: Slappy's house>

[Skip sits in the middle of the living room, on a chair, at a table.
Slappy is heard in the nearby kitchen, cooking something. Occasionally
the sound of a food item being beaten into submission is heard. Each
time, Skip winces.
After a short while, Slappy walks out of the kitchen carrying a pot. She
ladles some of the concoction into a bowl in front of Skip, who looks
squeamishly at it.]

SKIP: I'm sure it's delicious, but I really have to go find Olda.

SLAPPY: Eeh, cool yer jets. This stuff's brain food. Eat.

[Skip tries prodding the goo. After noticing that it has not attacked or
dissolved his finger, he decides it is safe for consumption. He takes a
taste, and finds it surprisingly good.]

SKIP: What is this?

SLAPPY: Walnut Fig Dough Surprise, 'a course.

[Skip's face turns green.]

SKIP: Speeew!

SLAPPY: Like them Acme Snax were any better. Ya need a chemistry degree
ta read the ingredients on that stuff!

[Skip sighs, then tries to change the subject.]

SKIP: Where is Olda's house, anyway? Huh? How long'll it take us to get
there?

SLAPPY: Settle down, kid. Olda ain't far from here. [munches goop] How
come you're so hot on becomin' a Gookie knight, anyway?

SKIP: Well ... I guess it's because of my father.

SLAPPY: Oh, yeah, I remember him. Real good there.

SKIP: Hey! You can't know who my father is! You haven't even asked who
I am! We're wasting our time here!

[Slappy groans, then turns from Skip to yell at an unseen visitor.]

SLAPPY: Hey, Ben! I can't teach him, he ain't even got the patience ta
watch a commercial!

[At the mention of Ben's name, Skip quickly turns to Slappy, but sees
no-one there. He blinks a few times, then realises who his hostess is.]

SKIP: Olda?

SLAPPY: In the fur, kiddo.

BEN'S VOICE: Brraak, buk buk.

SLAPPY: Yeah, he'll learn sometime. Got a lotta fire in him, tho. Just
like his old man.

BEN'S VOICE: Burk buk b'bk.

SLAPPY: Nah, he ain't anywhere near ready fer trainin'.

SKIP: Hey! I am ready! Ben, tell her I'm ready!

SLAPPY: Listen, kid, I've been teachin' Gookie knights fer over eight
hundred years. I know ready when I see it. [to Ben] I've been keepin' an
eye on him, Ben. He ain't got what it takes ta be a Gookie knight! He's
too reckless!

BEN'S VOICE: Bukbukbukbkbk bkbuk.

SLAPPY: Don't make cracks about my drivin', Ben.

SKIP: But you gotta train me! You gotta!

[Slappy looks back to Skip, appraising him with her eyes. She sighs
resignedly, and turns back to Ben's presence.]

SLAPPY: He's gonna stick it out, ain't he?

SKIP: I won't fail you, Olda. I'm not afraid.

SLAPPY: Oh no?

[Slappy turns her face from Skip. She then quickly rounds on him, head
and upper body disfigured grotesquely and face contorted into a vision
from a reputable Doom sequel. She screams down on the now smaller Skip,
who screams and faints. Slappy shrinks back to normal.]

SLAPPY: [slapping forehead] This is gonna be a looong trainin' sequence.

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, day>

[Montage of scenes: Skip running through tires, Slappy watching with a
stopwatch. Skip trips over a middle tire, and ends up caught in a pile.
Next scene, close-up of Skip climbing a vine. Pull back to see the vine
is too slick, as Skip cannot make any headway. Slappy, watching at the
top, shakes her head as Skip finally slides down. Next scene, Skip in
front of Slappy's Dodge Viper, waxing it, Slappy watching.]

SLAPPY: Wax on, wax off.

SKIP: [puffing from exertion] Wax on, wax off.

SLAPPY: There ya go. Ya feel the Farce?

SKIP: [gasping] Olda, I can't feel my arms ...

SLAPPY: [ignoring Skip] That's where a Gookie warrior gets his guts from,
kiddo. Just be careful 'a the dark side. That's the bit where yer
feelin' angry, mad, scared. It's easy ta try ta flow with it, but if ya
do, it'll haunt ya like a typo in yer credit ratin'. Just look at young
Ben's apprentice if ya wanna know what I mean.

SKIP: You mean [pant] Pinky Vader?

SLAPPY: Got it in one.

SKIP: Is the dark side stronger?

SLAPPY: Nope. It's just easier ta use.

SKIP: How can I tell them apart, then?

SLAPPY: Simple. If ya notice yer costume's pickin' up a Vader motif, yer
obviously not usin' the light side. Here's another hint: always use the
Farce fer defense an' knowledge if ya wanna stay light. Dark side's fer
attack.

SKIP: But why --

SLAPPY: Eeeh, enough 'a these questions. Get 'em outta yer mind. Wax
on, wax off!

[As Skip resumes his efforts, he knocks over the small tub of Tortoise
Wax. He watches it roll over to an old shack. He moves to retrieve it,
but then shakes, feeling an odd chill.]

SKIP: Something's odd.

SLAPPY: Yeesh, wanna recycle any more lines?

SKIP: Something's definitely odd ...

SLAPPY: That, kiddo, is the Dark Side Shack. Ya got yer Radio Shack, ya
got yer Caddy Shack, that's the Dark Side Shack.

SKIP: Oooh ...

SLAPPY: Yep. Have fun.

[Slappy puts her hand on Skip's back, and pushes him into the shack.]

SLAPPY: An' don't depend on yer fancy weapons!

<INTERIOR: Dark Side Shack>

[Skip moves warily in the shack. It is larger inside than out, but very
dark, to the point that Skip does not notice the bucket in his path until
he kicks it.]

SKIP: Ow!

[Skip limps slightly through the clutter of old tools. As he moves on,
the junk recedes as the passage widens. Nervously, he ignites his light
mallet, the glowing energy casting the only glow in the tunnel.
As he rounds a corner, he screams in surprise. Before him stands Pinky
Vader, with light mallet already extended. He advances on Skip, who steps
to the side and brings his mallet down upon the fearsome mouse hard.
Pinky Vader is completely crushed into a coin shape. As it stops
wobbling, Skip peers down. POV Skip as he sees, staring from the mashed
suit ... his own face. He steps back, then lets out a moan as he faints.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, outside the shack, day>

[Slappy pokes at the ground, then looks at the camera.]

SLAPPY: It's almost over, folks. Eeh, it'd better be.

<EXTERIOR: Space, Pinky Vader's destroyer>

[Parked behind the destroyer are a motley assortment of ships. Above the
destroyer a large sign reads 'Help wanted, bounty hunters'.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, auditorium>

[Several scruffy pirates, rogues, mercenaries, and bounty hunters line the
seats of the room. Pinky Vader enters the room and walks across in front
of a blackboard to a podium set up in the 'focus' of the room. He taps
the microphone a few times.]

PINKY: Testing! One, two, three, narf!

[The space scum fall silent.]

PINKY: Now, gentlemen ... um, is this thing on? Oh, right. Gentleme-en!
Now, I'm sure all of you here have come for the best reasons ...

[A bounty hunter pigeon in an armoured space suit, Bobby Fett, interrupts
the dark mouse.]

BOBBY FETT: Hey, yo, could we get on with this?

PINKY: But I had such a wonderful speech ready, too!

BOBBY FETT: The Godpigeon, he does not like it when I am delayed with
unneccessary speechifyin'.

PINKY: Uuum, OK. Gentlemen, I want you to find ... *this* man!

[The overhead projector displays an image of 'Pip' Pumphandle. The
assorted scum of the galaxy murmur amongst themselves.]

BOBBY FETT: You sure you have the right slide up there, Vader?

[Pinky looks down, and sees the image he put on the overhead. He lets out
a short scream, snatches the transparency, and replaces it with another,
showing Skip in a very marketable pose.]

PINKY: I meant *this* one.

[The assorted scum of the galaxy nod, murmuring among themselves. Bobby
Fett stands again.]

BOBBY FETT: What sort of financial renumeration should we expect from
this job?

PINKY: Hmmm?

[Bobby sighs.]

BOBBY FETT: How much will we get for this?

PINKY: Oh, you'll be beautifully rewarded! Just ... make sure they're
alive, OK? Poit.

BOBBY FETT: Yo, not a problem. I can 'count *cooo*' when I need to.

PINKY: Splendid! Class dismissed!

[The group disperses out the doors.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, field, day>

[Skip is doing a handstand, face wrinkled with concentration. Slappy is
standing on his feet, looking down at him.]

SLAPPY: Feel the Farce, Skip.

SKIP: [strained] Feel ... pain ... [aside to camera] I think I liked 'wax
on, wax off' better.

SLAPPY: Block it out, kiddo. The pain's like an anvil.

SKIP: Your weight's like an anvil!

[Slappy sneers, then taps Skip's arm.]

SLAPPY: OK, now lift that anvil over there!

[Slappy points her umbrella to an ordinary anvil. Skip grunts, straining,
before the anvil slowly leaves the ground, wobbling under Skip's strained
control.]

SKIP: Hey! I did it!

SLAPPY: Yeah, yeah. Concentrate!

[Ralph2 hurries (relatively speaking) into the scene, under the anvil.]

RALPH2: Daaah, Skip!

[Skip blinks, losing his concentration. The anvil falls with a loud klang
on Ralph2, while he and Slappy fall into a heap.]

SLAPPY: Ooof! I told ya ta concentrate!

[Ralph2 struggles out from under the anvil, then beeps urgently to Skip.]

SKIP: What's wrong, Ralph2?

RALPH2: Beeep! Beepbeepbeepbeeep!

SKIP: Timmy fell down the well?

[Ralph2 groans, then grabs Skip and drags him away. Slappy follows them.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, police impound yard, day>

[Ralph2 and Skip arrive outside the fence as a truck pulls in, towing
Skip's fighter inside. The fighter is parked, and the guard locks the
gate as the truck leaves. Slappy arrives a few moments later.]

SKIP: [groaning] We'll never get it out of there!

SLAPPY: Thank you, Little Engine that Could. Ain't ya listened ta what
I've been tellin' ya?

SKIP: Anvils are one thing, Olda. This's different!

SLAPPY: It ain't different! It's all in yer head! Now, lift that
fighter.

SKIP: OK, Olda, I'll try ...

SLAPPY: Forget tryin'. Either do it, or get outta the bathroom.

[Skip turns from his mentor and stares at the Mustang. He growls slightly
with concentration, focusing on levitating the fighter out of the yard.
The nose of the plane begins to rise from the ground, before falling back
down. Skip gasps with the effort.]

SKIP: [panting] I can't do it, it's too big.

SLAPPY: It ain't size that counts, kiddo. You'll learn that when ya get
older. Anyway, look. Ya got the Farce behind ya, Skip. It's everywhere.
Trust me, I gotta scoop out a few lumps 'a Farce outta my sink in the
morning.

SKIP: I still don't see --

SLAPPY: Then see this.

[Slappy stares at the fighter. It glows, then rises up. It flies over
the fence, then does a loop-the-loop before landing in front of Skip.]

SLAPPY: Any questions?

SKIP: I still can't believe it ...

SLAPPY: [to camera] Cut away so I can pound some sense inta him, OK?

<EXTERIOR: Space, Pinky Vader's destroyer>

[The ships fly in formation through space.]

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

[Newt appears again on the screen.]

NEWT: I'm sorry, Lord Pinky ... they went to lightspeed. I lost them ...

PINKY: Aww, you poor dear ... well, I'm sure you did your best.

NEWT: Yes, Lord -

PINKY: Ta-ta!

[A large safe falls on Newt. The image fades. Admiral Wilford nervously
approaches Pinky as he beckons.]

PINKY: Search the entire area for them! I must have Skip Lukewalker back
here, alive!

WILFORD: Yes, sir!

PINKY: But before we do that, could you stop by the nearest station?

WILFORD: Um, yes, but why?

[Pinky Vader whispers something into Wilford's ear. Wilford blushes.]

WILFORD: I see, m'lord.

[Pinky nods, sweating slightly. He looks somewhat strained, and the legs
of his suit are tightly crossed.]

WILFORD: To the nearest station!

OFFICER: Yes, sir.

<EXTERIOR: Space, Pinky Vader's destroyer>

[It hands a tight left and soars off.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[It also flies through space, eating away at an already strained special
effects budget. I sure hope that when and if they ever do a 'Special
Editon' of this picture, they can do something, but as it is ... oh well.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

DOT: OK, we got away ... now what?

HAN: We find a place to get this thing fixed up. Any ideas?

DOT: I have no clue where we are.

HAN: I'm sure they have something around here ...

[They fly past a sign advertising a local Weinie Burger.]

DOT: I don't think so.

HAN: You and me both, sister.

DOT: Stay in character!

HAN: I was!

[Both begin to argue. ChewWakko enters, watches them fight, looks at a
scanner scope, then eats it.]

CHEWWAKKO: What about Pesto?

[The fight, which by now has escalated to large clubs, pauses.]

HAN: Pesto? That's a great idea!

DOT: Pesto? Pesto who?

HAN: Pesto Calrissian. Him and I go way back. He's a gambler, a
scoundrel, a rogue pigeon.

DOT: [dryly] Your kind of scum. Wait, didn't you blast him in the first
movie?

HAN: Yeah, but he'll be over it. We're really good friends.

DOT: Can we trust him?

HAN: Well, he hates the Empire, so we should be safe there.

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[The Falcon flies on, passing the Weinie Burger restaurant. From the
parking lot, a ship appears.]

BOBBY FETT: [voice-over] Badda-bing!

[Bobby Fett's ship flies after the Falcon.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, field, day>

[Same field as before. Skip is again upside-down, but now he has mastered
enough of the Farce to hold two anvils and a box of donuts in the air.
Ralph2 sees the donuts and tries to snatch them. The box begins to dance
around, evading him. Slappy looks on approvingly.]

SLAPPY: That's it, concentrate, feel the Farce movin' through ya.

SKIP: Right now I feel that dinner moving through me ... speeew!

SLAPPY: Good! If ya can crack lines like that, yer on yer way ta bein' a
true Gookie. In fact, ya can kind'a use it as a free Psychic Friends
hotline. See the past, see the future, chat with old friends, an' no
Dionne Warwick.

[Skip's eyes suddenly pop out.]

SKIP: Han Yakko! Dot!

SLAPPY: Wild take #4.

[Skip looses concentration. The anvils fall where they may, and Skip
lands on his head. He stands up, rubbing where he hit.]

SLAPPY: You got less control than Sid the Squid after a Mexican buffet.

SKIP: I saw ... a city in the clouds ...

SLAPPY: Hey, that batch was fresh last year!

SKIP: No, no, I saw Dot and Han ... they were in trouble!

SLAPPY: Hey, they're the supportin' roles. They're supposed ta get in
trouble. Besides, all that's in the future.

SKIP: Can ya see if they're gonna be OK?

SLAPPY: No can do. Future's like that.

SKIP: I gotta go help them!

SLAPPY: Hold yer horses, kiddo. Ya gotta stay here an' finish yer
trainin'. If ya don't, everythin' yer friends worked fer'll be destroyed.

SKIP: How?

SLAPPY: Trust me, kiddo, I know.

[Slappy puts her hand on Skip's shoulder.]

SLAPPY: Enough trainin' fer today. Let's go home.

[Skip nods slowly as Slappy leads him back inside.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon, above a planet>

[The Falcon swoops toward a cloud-covered planet.]

SCRATCHY: [voice-over] Are ve zere yet?

HAN: [voice-over] One more and I'm pullin' your plug.

SCRATCHY: [voice-over] Ja, it's funny vhen you do it, but vhen I do ...

[Scratchy's voice trails off as the ship does. Bobby Fett's ship follows
discreetly.]

<EXTERIOR: Planet, sky, 20th Century Falcon, dawn>

[The rising sun shines through the clouds of the planet's 'surface'. The
ship soars through the clouds, leaving entrails above the cover.
For no apparent reason, two sleek 'cloudcar's fly out and move to either
side of the vessel.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, cockpit>

OTHER PILOT: [over speaker] Please state landing clearance.

HAN: And what if I don't?

[The ship rocks as the other pilot fires on it.]

HAN: Would you believe we know Pesto Calrissian?

OTHER PILOT: Yes, he knows you too, Han Yakko.

[Another volley.]

DOT: [sarcastically] 'He'll be over it by now.' Yeah, right.

HAN: C'mon, be a pal!

OTHER PILOT: Stay on this course.

HAN: What if I don't?

[Another volley.]

HAN: Alright, alright, we get the hint.

OTHER PILOT: Good.

[Han switches off the radio and sulks as his ship flies on.]

<EXTERIOR: Planet, 20th Century Falcon, dawn>

[The ship flies forward. The clouds in front part to reveal a floating
city, Cloud City, rising majestically through the air.]

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, landing platform, dawn>

[The Falcon lands on the platform, escort still nearby. The door opens,
revealing an armed and wary Han Yakko, with an armed and wary Princess
Dot, an armed and not very wary ChewWakko, and an unarmed and very wary
Scratchy behind him.]

DOT: It's quiet ... too quiet.

HAN: You should know.

SCRATCHY: Zey did let us land ...

HAN: Relax, will ya? Everything's gonna be OK, trust me!

[The whole group is suddenly surrounded by large thugs with weapons.]

HAN: Or not.

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor>

[Han Yakko and company are herded down the corridor, then through a door.]

GUARD: Resistance is useless!

SCRATCHY: OK, see, zat's in anozzer story, ja?

GUARD: Well, resistance is useless.

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, office>

[A pigeon sits at a desk, flanked by guards. The nameplate at the front
reads 'Pesto Calrissian'. Han Yakko is shoved into the room, followed by
the others, and Pesto stands up on his desk. He and Han look each other
in the eye.]

PESTO: Why, you rotten, lying, rastafaroony swindler! You've got a lotta
guts comin' here, after what ya did ta me in the first flick.

HAN: Um, you do know that was just what the script said, right?

[Pesto flaps over to Han, walking to him threateningly. ChewWakko growls
slightly. Pesto then flaps to eye level with Han, and suddenly kicks him
in the nose.]

HAN: Ow!

PESTO: *That*'s for the hospital bill.

[Pesto then hugs his long-lost and somewhat sore friend.]

PESTO: Hey, how ya doin', ya old pepperoni! Where you been rompin'?

[They both hug in manly comeraderie, Dot watching sourly. After a while,
they pull apart.]

HAN: Listen, you mind if we get the Falcon fixed up here? We've been in
a few fights, and --

PESTO: Mother Theresa, what'd you do to my ship?

HAN: MY ship, pal. I won her fair and square, remember?

PESTO: Yeah, yeah ... sure. [notices others] And who might these be?

HAN: ChewWakko you know ...

PESTO: How could I forget? He ate my conference table!

CHEWWAKKO: I was hungry!

[Pesto then moves to Dot.]

PESTO: And who might you be, most delicate and, might I add, cute rider
of the space lanes?

DOT: [giggling cutely] I'm Princess AngeLeia Contessa Louisa Francesca
Banana-fana bo-Besca III, but you can call me Dot.

PESTO: [kissing Dot's hand] Then welcome to Cloud City, Dot. I am Pesto
Calrissian, administrator of this facility.

HAN: [lightly tugging Pesto's tailfeathers] That's enough of that,
lover-bird.

PESTO: Hey, what'd I do here?

[Scratchy assumes what he thinks is an introductory stance, but appears
more like a lecturing pose.]

SCRATCHY: I am Scratch-3PO, human-cyborg relations und certified
psychiatrist. I am fluent in --

[Scratchy looks around, to see he is alone in the office. He then rushes
to the open door.]

SCRATCHY: Hey! Vait for me!

[He runs out.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor>

[The group walks on through the hallway, Scratchy far behind.]

PESTO: So, what's busted on the Falcon?

HAN: Almost everything.

PESTO: Corleone ... I'll get my folks on it.

HAN: Thanks.

[Pesto then turns to Dot, smiling.]

PESTO: You know, that boat's saved my tailfeathers more than once. It's
the fastest lemon out there ...

DOT: Do tell ...

[Han watches jealously as all of them pass by a closet and out of shot.
Scratchy walks up, gasping, then hears a few random Ralph2-like beeps from
the corridor.]

SCRATCHY: Could zat be ...

[He turns, and looks in the closet.]

<INTERIOR: Dark forboding closet>

[Scratchy looks inside.]

SCRATCHY: Hello?

MAN'S VOICE: What do you want?

SCRATCHY: Um, I'm lookink for -- aaah!

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor by closet>

[A loud *WHAM* is heard, and Scratchy's body stiffens as if his head were
hit with a mallet. He then falls, head still within the closet, and is
dragged inside, the door closing behind him.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor, further down>

[The group pauses a while as a distant *WHAM* is heard. As one, they
shake their head and continue walking.]

<EXTERIOR: Pasadenobah, field, dusk>

[Skip is packing things into his Mustang. Ralph2 is already in his
position in the rear of the fighter. Slappy watches from a nearby bench,
scowling.]

SLAPPY: So, yer just gonna drop outta trainin'?

SKIP: I can't keep it out of my mind, Olda. They're my friends! My
pals! My co-stars!

SLAPPY: Ya can't go!

SKIP: But they'll *die* if I don't!

BEN'S VOICE: Buk buk ...

[Skip looks surprised at hearing the voice of his old mentor, and turns to
look. In front him floats a ghostly vision of Ben Kenoboo, stopping Skip
in his tracks.]

BEN: B'k buk buk b'k.

SKIP: I don't care! I can help them! I can feel the Farce!

BEN: Buk b'k b'k buk ...

SKIP: [interrupting] I do have control!

BEN: [ignoring] buk b'k bukaw brakbrak.

SLAPPY: Listen ta him, Skip. [aside to camera] Like anyone can listen ta
him. [back to Skip] Remember what happened in the shack?

SKIP: I've learned so much since then! Listen ... I promise, when I'm
done, I'll come back and finish. OK?

BEN: [shaking head] B'k bukbuk b'k buk, b'kb'k buk b'kaw.

SKIP: I know the Emperor's using my friends to get me, but I gotta save
them!

BEN: Buk, b'kb'kb'k bukbuk bakbak ...

SKIP: I'm not like Pinky Vader, you won't lose me to the Dark Side.

SLAPPY: Listen, Skip, we all know someone's gotta stop the Emperor.
Thing is, it takes a fully trained Gookie Knight ta do it, with full
control of the Farce. You go now, yer just settin' yerself up fer the
Dark Side, like Vader.

SKIP: But does that mean I hafta let my friends get killed?

SLAPPY: Hey, them's the breaks ...

[Skip shakes his head, torn between the words of his mentors and his
friends' plight.]

BEN: Buk buk, b'k buk.

SKIP: I know you can't be with me, Ben ...

[Skip nods, having decided, and climbs into the cockpit of his fighter.]

BEN: Buk, b'k buk buk -- bak buk buk bakbak.

SKIP: I won't give in to anger ... and I'll be back, I promise.

[Skip pulls the canopy closed. Ben and Slappy watch as the fighter taxis,
then takes off.]

SLAPPY: [sighs] Told ya, Ben. He's too reckless!

BEN: Buk, b'k buk bukbuk.

SLAPPY: Yeah, I know he's our last hope. That's what I'm afraid 'a.

[Ben shrugs.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, guest rooms>

[Dot paces her room impatiently, something on her mind. After a few laps
of the room, Han Yakko enters, and goes to her.]

HAN: Well, the Falcon's almost as good as new. Or at least as good as
when I got her.

DOT: I'm still worried about Scratchy.

HAN: What, that old clunker?

DOT: He's been missing for a long time. It's not like him to actually
leave us alone ...

HAN: Hmmm ... you're right. I'll ask Pesto about it.

DOT: I still don't think we can trust him.

HAN: Hey, he's my friend. 'Sides, we'll soon be outta here and on our
way to a new secret base.

DOT: Just tell all the Imperial spies, why don't ya?

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, junk room>

[This room is filled with various pieces of junk, spare parts, et cetera.
ChewWakko wanders in, picks up a choice piece, and eats it. He looks
around some more, before blinking in surprise as he hears something from
the corner.

SCRATCHY'S VOICE: [weak] Help ...

[ChewWakko blinks, then looks over at the source of the voice: a large
crate.]

CHEWWAKKO: Scratchy?

SCRATCHY: I'm in ze crate ...

[ChewWakko opens it, and pulls out Scratchy's head.]

CHEWWAKKO: Scratchy! You've lost a lot of weight ...

SCRATCHY: Ja, und most of my body parts ...

CHEWWAKKO: Don't worry, I can fix you!

SCRATCHY: I hope so ... my leg's itchy und my hand's somevhere else!

[ChewWakko pulls out his sack and takes out: a cricket bat, a bowling
ball, a safe, a soup spoon, a dinner knife, a fork for eating pickled
bass, and a large toolbox. POV Scratchy as he sees ChewWakko take a
cutting torch from the toolbox.]

SCRATCHY: Ah, are you sure zat's ze right tool?

CHEWWAKKO: Relax, this won't hurt a bit.

[ChewWakko nears with the torch before Scratchy's eyes close.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, living quarters>

[It is later in the day. Han Yakko and Dot are sitting around, bored.
Han is playing with his paddleballs, while Dot reads a magazine.
ChewWakko enters, carrying a case filled with droid parts, drawing their
attention.]

CHEWWAKKO: Um, guys, --

HAN and DOT: What'd ya bring me? What'd ya bring me?

[ChewWakko upends the case, dumping parts all over the table. Some are
recognisable as parts of Scratchy, improperly assembled.]

CHEWWAKKO: I found him in some storage cabinet. I think I've almost got
him fixed ...

DOT: Almost any other word I'd've used to describe him, but not 'fixed'.

HAN: Relax, Pesto's got someone who can fix him.

DOT: If you don't mind, I'd rather call for someone else.

HAN: You still don't trust him?

DOT: Not that -- it'd void his warranty!

[The door opens again, revealing Pesto. He looks around, then turns to
Han.]

PESTO: Am I interrupting something?

HAN, DOT, and CHEWWAKKO: No, not really ...

[Pesto looks around again.]

PESTO: Mama Leone, what is this, a droid autopsy?

HAN: @@@@h, he's been having a few technical difficulties.

PESTO: A few? [shakes head] Wadeva. Oh, wouldst you three like to join
me for a few refreshments?

[Before Han can decline, ChewWakko rushes through the door, squashing
Pesto.]

PESTO: [mashedly] I'll take that as a 'yes'.

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor>

[Pesto, Han, and Dot have managed to catch ChewWakko, who now walks to the
rear. Dot is between the two old rogues, talking with Pesto.]

PESTO: You're sure your droid is all right?

DOT: He's as good as new.

PESTO: Remind me to never visit that particular dealership.

DOT: [changing subjects] So, what do you do here?

PESTO: I operate a little-known sheltering operation, refueling centre,
and function as well as a facilitator of cargoes.

HAN: He runs a flophouse, a garage, and fences stuff.

[Pesto turns on Han.]

PESTO: [calmly, but building angrily] Are you calling me a fence? Are
you saying I am wood with white pickets, a barrier of chain-link here to
amuse you?!?

HAN: Hey, relax! I'm just saying you deal in shady merchandise.

PESTO: [for once, calming down] Oh. Well, that's different.

DOT: Don't you ever worry about the Empire?

PESTO: Well, I've made this great bargain that'll keep them off our backs
for good.

DOT: What kind of bargain?

PESTO: [nervously] Um ... I think it best that you hear it from our
'partner' ...

DOT: Who?

HAN: It wouldn't be the Godpigeon, now, would it?

PESTO: You'll see ...

<INTERIOR: Cloud City dining room>

[The group enters the room on the 'far' side of the camera. Dot and Han
Yakko gasp in surprise as they look down the table. Switch to side view
showing Pinky Vader seated at the other side, Bobby Fett at his side. Han
quickly draws a blaster and fires it at Pinky, who idly waves the bolt
aside, badly scorching a nearby waiter. He then waves his real finger
downwards. A small anvil falls, knocking Han's blaster out of his hand
and into the floor.]

PINKY: Now now, no gunplay at the table. Where *did* you learn your
manners?

[Han gives Pesto a dirty look.]

HAN: [sourly] Thanks a lot, old pal.

PESTO: Sorry, Han, it was either that or get blown up.

<EXTERIOR: Space, Skip's fighter, planet>

[Skip's fighter sails towards and through the atmosphere of Cloud City's
planet.]

SKIP: [voice-over] No, Ralph2, you should've done that before we left
Pasadenobah!

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, jail cell>

[ChewWakko looks around the cell, empty but for himself and the
disassembled Scratchy, once more in his case. He takes out a few pieces
and fiddles with them, before experimentally attaching the head to the
torso. As he connects a few things, Scratchy suddenly returns to life.]

SCRATCHY: Aaa! Stormtroopers! Zey're here!

[ChewWakko shrugs and continues assembling.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, prison area>

[Pinky Vader strides proudly into the 'lobby', trailed by two
stormtroopers carrying Han Yakko strapped to a stretcher. They then take
him into a room which closes after them. Han's screams are muffled by the
door but heard in the background along with various industrial sounds.
Pinky then goes over to Pesto and Bobby Fett, who are waiting. Pesto
cringes as he hears the sounds from the room Han is in, while Bobby Fett
remains impassive.]

PINKY: [to Bobby Fett] OK, once I get Lukewalker, you can have Han Yakko.

BOBBY FETT: No problem. Just make sure he's alive.

PINKY: Don't worry! He'll be all fine when we're done with him.

PESTO: Doesn't sound like it. What you want me to do with the other 2?

PINKY: Well ... y'see, they can't leave the city and join the Rebels
again ...

PESTO: Hey! First you take Han, then you torture him, *then* you hand
him over to this bounty hunter, and now you expect me to do away with his
friends? That's it!

[As Pesto is about to pounce on Pinky Vader, the mouse lowers his hand,
swatting Pesto into the floor.]

PESTO: [muffled] This deal's getting worse all the time.

<INTERIOR: Cloud City jail cell>

[Scratchy is somewhat more together as Han Yakko and Dot, both appearing
very ragged, are thrust into the room. ChewWakko rushes to them.]

CHEWWAKKO: What happened?

HAN: [raggedly] The horror ...

CHEWWAKKO: What?

DOT: [raggedly] The ... torture ...

CHEWWAKKO: What'd they do?

HAN: Watched ... hours ... 'Home Improvement' ...

[ChewWakko howls loudly in sympathy, causing some smoke to rise from
Scratchy's ears.
After a while, the door opens, admitting Pesto and two guards. Han
struggles upright.]

HAN: Well, if it isn't my old 'friend' come back to roost.

PESTO: Corleone, Han, please ...

HAN: Why don't you go back to Vader? Birds of a feather ...

PESTO: [wincing] Han, I managed to get him to turn Dot and Chewwy to my
custody.

HAN: You?

PESTO: They'll be safe here.

DOT: What about Han?

PESTO: [sighing] Bobby Fett's gonna take him back to the Godpigeon.

HAN: Thanks for your help, Pesto.

PESTO: Hey, at least you guys ain't this Skip Lukewalker guy. That guy's
gonna get one wingding of a reception when he gets here--Vader's got a
trap set up for him.

DOT: [dryly] Gee, I always wanted to be live bait.

PESTO: He's on his way. Were you close?

HAN: Naah, he was just the only guy who could destroy the Empire once and
for all.

[Pesto and his guards leave, shaken.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, packaging centre>

[Various stormtroopers stand around the room. In the middle of the room
is a rather odd machine, with a wide open 'mouth' marked 'IN', and a more
regular opening in front of a conveyor marked 'OUT'. Pinky walks around
the machine, pushing buttons, pulling levers, and looking inside the 'IN'
chute. Pesto watches, warily.]

PINKY: Oh, this will do *wonderfully* for sending Skip to the Emperor!
Narf!

PESTO: You sure runnin' someone through that rigotonni-masher's a good
idea?

PINKY: [thinking] Hmmm ... good question. [to guard] Bring in Han Yakko!

PESTO: WHAT?!?

PINKY: Well, if it works, he'll be all safe and snuggly when Bobby Fett
takes him to the Godpigeon, and if not ... well, he'll be all snafe and
snuggly when we take him to the cemetary. Poit.

[Pesto visibly shudders as an Imperial officer approaches.]

OFFICER: Lord Pinky, we've spotted a Rebel Mustang fighter approaching
this station's jurisdiction.

PINKY: Wha ... ?

OFFICER: [sighing] Skip's coming here.

PINKY: Splendid! Narf! Let him land.

OFFICER: Yes, Lord Pinky.

[The officer rushes out.]

<EXTERIOR: Sky, Skip's fighter, evening>

[Skip's fighter sails on through the clouds. Cloud City appears on the
horizon.]

<EXTERIOR: Skip's cockpit>

[Skip begins to look worried as no controlling aircraft greets him.]

SKIP: Something's odd.

[Skip's fighter banks away from the camera, and continues its solitary
flight.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City packaging centre>

[Several technicians scurry around the machine, preparing it for use.
After a few moments, Bobby Fett leads the procession of stormtroopers
surrounding Han Yakko, Dot, and ChewWakko, carrying the still-disassembled
Scratch3-PO on his back.]

SCRATCHY: Vhat are ve doing out here? Och, if you had finished repairing
me before we left, I vouldn't be stuck to your back like this, vould I?
No, I'd be --

[ChewWakko interrupts Scratchy's diatribe by reaching into a pocket,
taking out a mallet, mashing the droid, and replacing the mallet.
Han is led to the centre of the room, where Pinky Vader and Pesto wait.
Pesto looks uneasy as his old friend faces him.]

HAN: So, what's next for your 'old friend'?

PESTO: [sighing] You're being packed.

[Bobby Fett then approaches Pinky.]

BOBBY FETT: Yo, I need to know he won't be damaged before delivery.

PINKY: Don't worry, Bobby -- we're bonded.

BOBBY FETT: As long as I get my money, I'm coo.

[Pinky nods, then beckons. Han Yakko is lead to the 'IN' chute of the
machine.]

HAN: So, what's showin'?

BOBBY FETT: In.

[Bobby shoves Yakko into the chute. The machine chugs around, making
rather industrial clanking noises and spewing styrofoam. Cut to close-up
of Dot, ChewWakko, and Pesto, wincing sympathetically. Cut to 'OUT'
chute.
As the machine stops clanking and shaking, the 'OUT' chute discharges a
box the size of a computer box. On its glossed off-white/blue two-tone
cardboard surface can be seen a strikingly sleek pose of Han Yakko, rakish
smile and all. On the upper part of the side is printed 'Han Yakko 241',
while the lower part lists various specifications.]

PESTO: Pasta fazoulli ...

DOT: They packed him in styrofoam peanuts!

SCRATCHY: Zey have? Vell, he should be safe zen ...

[ChewWakko mallets Scratchy again. Pinky and Bobby Fett move to where the
case ends its ride down the short conveyor. They look over the box, and
are apparently satisfied with the packaging. Bobby places a shipping
label on top of the box, then watches a stormtrooper carry it out.]

PINKY: Well, he's ready. Reset the machine for Skip.

[The same officer from before steps forward.]

OFFICER: Lord Pinky, Skip Lukewalker has landed.

PINKY: Make sure he gets over here, then. Poit. Oh, Pesto ... could you
escort the princess and the Wakkie to my ship?

PESTO: Hey! You said I could keep 'em here? What about our deal?

[Pinky mashes Pesto again.]

PINKY: Deal.

PESTO: I'm havin' a bad day.

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, landing platform, evening>

[Skip pops open the canopy of his fighter and hops to the ground,
crouching in an attack posture. He darts around warily, keeping an eye
open for anything. Ralph2, however, drops out of his position and lands
with a loud thunk. He then walks toward the corridor leading out. Skip
holds up his hand, signalling Ralph2 to wait. He then quickly dives into
the corridor, rolling. He then screams loudly, causing Ralph2 to dash
inside.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor>

[Ralph2 rushes to the fallen Skip, who is rubbing his ankle, wincing.]

SKIP: That's the last time I do my own stunts!

[He gets up, then looks dowh the corridor, moving forward slowly. As both
of them march down, they hear a group of people approaching them. Skip
dives into a closet to the side, while Ralph2 stays in the middle of the
hallway, beeping cheerfully until Skip yanks him into the closet.
Bobby Fett marches marches up the corridor, leading a guard carrying the
styrofoam-packaged Han Yakko. They in turn are followed by two
stormtrooper guards. Both of them see Skip peering through the doorway
and open fire. Skip ducks back, then leans out and fires his own blaster,
downing both stormtroopers. The guard carrying Han rushes away while
Bobby Fett draws an odd weapon and fires it. A large amount of birdseed
flies from the muzzle of the weapon, knocking Skip back and letting Bobby
escape.
Skip rushes from his hiding place, spitting out the birdseed, but cannot
find Bobby Fett or the guard. As he stands searching, he hears Dot's
voice call from another corridor.]

DOT'S VOICE: It's a trap, Skip! Run, Skippy, run!

[Skip quickly turns to where Dot's voice called out and dashes down it.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, packaging centre, anteroom>

[Skip rushes into the small room leading to the packaging centre, then
through the main door. Ralph2 lags behind.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, packaging centre>

[Skip runs into the large but empty room, pistol at the ready. As he gets
his bearings and tries to figure out which passage Dot was yelling from, a
loud clang is heard. He spins around to see a large metal door has closed
behind him. Another loud clang is heard as Ralph2 runs into the door,
leaving a large dent in the metal. More clangs signal the closing of
other doors around the room.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor leading to packaging centre>

[Ralph2 pulls himself out of the door. He beeps a few times, then waddles
back down the corridor.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, packaging centre>

[Skip moves warily through the room. He shudders as he sees the machine
that had moments ago sealed his friend Han into a cardboard shipping case.
As he goes through the room, searching, he looks upward and gasps. Upon
a catwalk stands Pinky Vader. Skip holsters his pistol and dashes up to
face his enemy. Pinky smiles as Skip reaches the catwalk.]

PINKY: The Farce *is* strong with you, young squirrel ... but I don't
think you're quite a Gookie Knight yet.

[Skip merely activates his light-mallet in response. Pinky does likewise,
and both are quickly locked in a fierce battle.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor>

[Dot, ChewWakko, and Pesto are marched down the corridors of the station,
escorted by six grim stormtroopers. As they turn a corner, they are met
by about twenty of Pesto's own guards, weapons aimed at the
stormtroopers. The troopers begin to talk amongst themselves as the
prisoners wait.]

STORMTROOPER 1: Listen, guys, I know this is the movie where the Empire
wins, but you think we should push our luck here?

[The other troopers respond negatively.]

STORMTROOPER 1: I thought so. [to Pesto's guards] We surrender!

[Pesto's guards relieve the troopers of their weapons, handing a rifle
each to Dot, Pesto, and ChewWakko. The guards then lead their prisoners
out.]

PESTO: C'mon, folks, we got escapin' to do!

DOT: Just wait one minute!

PESTO: Wha, what?

DOT: You expect us to trust you after what you did to Han?

PESTO: Rigatonni, how many times do I have to tell you I had no beakin'
choice?

DOT: Doesn't matter, hon, it won't do you any good. Chewwie?

[ChewWakko takes out a huge mallet. Pesto looks up and screams.]

PESTO: Aaaaaa!

DOT: Give us one good reason not to mash you.

PESTO: Han ...

DOT: You'll have to do better than that.

PESTO: I know where we can cut off that bounty hunter and save your Han!
Now tell him to put away the mallet, please?

[Dot thinks for a moment, then nods.]

DOT: OK, we'll believe you.

[Pesto sighs in relief.]

DOT: Chewwy, put down the mallet.

[ChewWakko shrugs and lets go of the mallet, which falls on Pesto.]

DOT: [sheepishly] Oops ...

PESTO: I should've asked for the part of Wile E. Coyote's stunt double
... [angrily] it's gotta be a whole lot beakin' safer than this gig!

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, Bobby Fett's parking space, evening>

[A guard stands at the open trunk of Bobby Fett's ship, the bounty hunter
himself watching.]

BOBBY FETT: You be careful with my cargo.

[The box is loaded into the trunk, which the guard then closes. Bobby
Fett gives the guard a small tip, then climbs into the cockpit of the
ship.
As the engines start, a door opens, letting Dot, Pesto, and ChewWakko
through. They point and scream, but are drowned out as the engines fire,
sending Bobby Fett and the imprisoned Han Yakko into space. The group
sits down dejectedly.]

DOT: I thought you said we could save him!

PESTO: I thought we could!

SCRATCHY: Um, folks?

DOT and PESTO: What?

SCRATCHY: I hate to interrupt your moping session, but zere's a large
number of stormtroopers about to shoot behind us, und I vould like to get
out of zeyre line of fire ...

[The three turn around to see a large number of stormtroopers about to
fire. They look at each other, nod grimly, turn to face the troopers,
then scream and scatter wildly in a mad frenzy of panic. Eventually they
dive into another corridor. A clanking of metal parts from further down
almost sets off another flurry, but is revealed to be Ralph2 running,
gasping for breath.
A stray laser blast singes Scratchy's finish.]

SCRATCHY: Close ze door!

[Pesto hurriedly taps out a sequence on a nearby keypad, closing the
door.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, packaging centre>

[The fight between Skip and Pinky continues. Skip starts to drive Pinky
back, frcing him to go on the defensive.]

PINKY: My my my, you have learned a lot, haven't you?

SKIP: You'll find I'm full of surprises.

PINKY: Oh, I've got a few of my own ...

[Pinky quickly whips his mallet around in two quick strokes. The first
sends Skip's own mallet flying away, while the second forces Skip to jump
back. Skip lands in a wary stance, eyes firmly locked on Pinky Vader.
Pinky pauses, then uses his real hand to point at Skip's feet.]

PINKY: Um, Skip, aren't you missing something?

[Skip looks down, and notices that there is no catwalk beneath his feet.]

SKIP: Oh no ... Aaaaaaa!

[Skip falls to the surface below, landing on his back. He stares upward
dazedly. POV Skip as he sees, blurrily, Pinky Vader leaning over the
railing and looking down at him.]

PINKY: Zort! You all right down there?

[Skip finally focuses his vision, just as Pinky leans just a bit too far
over the railing and falls toward him. Normal shot as Skip quickly rolls
out of the way of the plummeting Pinky, who bounces out of his suit when
he hits the ground. As Skip rises in a defensive crouch, Pinky staggers
back to the controls and rights himself. He dusts off the mechanical
suit, then reignites his light-mallet.]

PINKY: You do know your future lies with me, right?

SKIP: No, it doesn't!

PINKY: Come now, even Oboo-Wan knew that!

SKIP: No!

[Pinky Vader quickly strikes at Skip with the mallet. Skip slips as he
dodges, cracking his head against the 'IN' chute of the packing machine.]

PINKY: Maybe you're not quite as good as we thought?

[Pinky shrugs and leans down to load Skip into the machine. Before he
can, however, Skip slides down, and between Pinky's legs. He then stands
behind the evil mouse and kicks him in the rear. Skip winces in pain as
his foot contacts the metal of Pinky's suit.
Skip hops around the room on one foot, yelling in pain. He then slips on
the handle of his light-mallet and falls on his rear. As he does so, the
handle flies in the air, then lands in Skip's hand. Skip looks dizzily at
the weapon, then comes to, springing to his feet and activating the
mallet. He then notices Pinky staring at him.]

SKIP: I, uh ... meant to do that.

PINKY: And to think, it looked like you were clumsy! Narf!

[Skip ignites his mallet. Pinky pulls a clipboard from within his suit
with his real hands and ticks off a line.]

PINKY: OK, you've controlled your fear, what's next ... ah, yes, anger!
Release your anger, Skip ...

[Skip retreats carefully as Pinky teases him with his mallet.]

PINKY: C'mon, release your anger! Hurry up.

SKIP: I am in control, you can't break it.

PINKY: Not even if I do this? [sticks real thumbs in ears, mechanical
hands wiggle in front of nose, dances] Neener neener neener neener! Narf!

[Skip begins to show anger as he swings. Pinky easily parries.]

PINKY: That's it, I knew all those times you sat on the bench in soccer
taught you something!

[Skip snarls, pressing his attack a little harder.]

PINKY: Good, only you can prevent -- er, your hatred can destroy me.

[Skip continues the attack. Pinky once more easily defends against his
strikes.]

PINKY: You call that fighting? Narf! Now *that's* comedy!

[Skippy, upon hearing Pinky steal that line, screams and flies at his
enemy in a berserker assault, pushing Pinky back. The dark mouse begins
to have problems defending against the mad assault.]

PINKY: Uh, Skip ... [parry] Remember what I said [dodge] about anger and
hatred [duck]? Er, I didn't really [whoa!] mean it! [dodge parry back]

[Skip continues to attack, forcing Pinky back further until he reaches the
outer rim of the chamber, where a large mass of pipes lie at the bottom.
Pinky staggers and falls off the ledge as he evades one of Skip's swings.
Skip looks over the rim, but cannot find the dark mouse. He then hops
over the edge of the pit.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, network of tunnels>

[Skip falls in at an intersection of tunnels. He looks around for Pinky
Vader, then hears his voice.]

PINKY'S VOICE: [echoing] I'm getting awa-ay!

[Skip, mallet at the ready, rushes after the voice.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, tunnel and gymnasium>

[Skip runs down the tunnel and through a set of doors. He emerges into a
large room, with a large panoramic window along one wall looking out into
the clouds. Various pieces of athletic equipment are scattered about.
Pinky Vader stands on the other side, light-mallet in hand. Skip screams
and charges at him.
Before they can meet, Pinky moves his hand a bit. Skip turns around, and
sees a pommel horse flying at him. He swats it aside with his mallet,
then dodges a dumb-bell, which narrowly grazes an ear. Weights and mats
fly at the youngster, which he either deflects with the Farce or knocks
away with his mallet. A pitching machine in the corner begins to fire at
Skip. Skip assumes a batting stance, and starts knocking away the
baseballs with the mallet, knocking them in all directions. One of them
sails through the large window, shattering it and causing a fierce gale to
blow into the room. Skip struggles against the wind, while Pinky Vader
stands unmoving. With a final effort, the pitching machine fires off one
last ball. Skip, distracted by the wind, is struck by it hard enough to
fall through the window.]

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, gantry outside the aerobics room, evening>

[Skip lands hard on the catwalk outside the window. He rolls off the
edge, but manages to grasp the supporting framework under the gantry. He
flicks off his mallet, looks down, shudders, and starts scrambling up.]

<INTERIOR: Cloud City, corridor leading to landing platform>

[Dot, ChewWakko, and Pesto rush through the corridor and down to the
closed door at the end. Pesto turns to a nearby keypad and enters a quick
series on the keys. Nothing happens.]

PESTO: Pastafazoo, they changed the locks on us!

SCRATCHY: Oh, if only ve had Ralph2 to get us thru zat door!

[A few muffled 'beep's are heard.]

DOT: What was that?

PESTO: Sounded like one'a them Ralph2-D2 droids.

[The beeps begin again.]

SCRATCHY: Did you say 'Ralph2'?

PESTO: What, do I have 'Sony Discman' written on my wing? Am I a piano
player for you to say 'Play it again, Sam' to in your 'Casablanca'?

SCRATCHY: No, zat's just a dramatic convention, Mr Pesto, sir ...

[Before Pesto can work up a good head of steam, the doors open, revealing
the source of the beeps to be Ralph2.]

DOT: Ralph2! Where's Skip?

[Ralph2 shrugs. Just then, another blast from an Imperial soldier nicks
the wall. The group hurries through the door, which clangs shut behind
them.]

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, landing platform, 20th Century Falcon, evening>

[The group rushes to the awaiting ship, and inside.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon, main room>

[ChewWakko dumps the burdening Scratchy on the floor as he races into the
cockpit. Ralph2 stops by him and beeps a few times.]

SCRATCHY: Vhat do you mean *you've* had a bad day? Look at me!

[Ralph2 beeps a few more times.]

SCRATCHY: [shocked] Recycling bin?!?

[Ralph2 shrugs, and makes another suggestion.]

SCRATCHY: Scrapheap?!? Why, you rotten little excuse for a garbage can!

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[ChewWakko hops into the pilot's seat, Pesto in the co-pilot's. ChewWakko
turns the key and starts the ship.]

CHEWWAKKO: Buckle up!

<EXTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon>

[The ship rears back, then peels out. Three Bow TIE fighters swoop down
in pursuit.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon main room>

[The pieces of Scratchy slide back into the wall with several clangs.]

SCRATCHY: Ooof! Ow! Aie! Ow! Be careful!

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, gantry outside the aerobics room, evening>

[Skip pulls himself up and over the railing, once more standing on the
gantry. Pinky Vader stands there waiting, light-mallet in hand. Skip
advances, and once more the light-mallets strike each other. Slowly,
Pinky backs Skip to a stairway.]

PINKY: Aw, c'mon, Skip! You've already lost ... don't make me have to
mash you like Obo-Wan!

[Skip responds by mashing Pinky's head, the light-mallet sparking as it
strikes the collar of the suit. Skip looks on as the suit smokes for a
while, then stops. Pinky's head re-emerges from the collar, the top
smouldering slightly -- he did not completely evade Skip's stroke.]

PINKY: Ooh, the Emperor's not gonna like this ...

[Skip swings again at Pinky, who parries easily. Skip is backed toward
the edge of the gantry. As they continue, Skip once more begins to gain
ground. Pinky then points behind Skip.]

PINKY: Look, a decoy!

[Skip turns to see what Pinky is pointing at. Pinky takes advantage of
this by swinging his mallet wide, connecting under Skip's chin and sending
him over the edge. Skip manages to grasp a railing and hold on, but not
without dropping his light-mallet. He watches it fall, fall, fall ...
then turns to Pinky Vader, who is looking over him.]

PINKY: Don't make me hurt you, Skip. Y'see, you don't really know how
important you are! Poit! You've only just now started to discover your
powers. Lemme finish your training! Together we can stop all this
fighting and bring order and happiness to the galazy! Troz!

SKIP: Never!

PINKY: Awww, if only you knew the power of the Dark Side. Guess Oboo-Wan
never did tell you about your father ...

SKIP: He told me enough! You killed him!

PINKY: I did? Wait, wait, no! I'm your father!

[Skip blinks in surprise.]

SKIP: How can that be? You're a mouse, I'm a squirrel.

PINKY: Well, you do take after your mother.

SKIP: My mother?

[Pinky reaches a hand into a suit pocket and takes out a photograph, which
he shows to Skip. Skip looks at the picture, showing Phar Fignewton.]

SKIP: That's a horse!

PINKY: That's what they kept telling us! 'She's a horse, Pinky!'
'You're a mouse, Pinky!' 'It won't work, Pinky!' 'You can't do that,
Pinky!' Well, I showed them! I joined the Dark Side, troz!

SKIP: That can't be! I can't be your son!

PINKY: Skip, listen to me! The Emperor knows you can defeat him! If you
join me, we can rule over the galaxy as father and son ... just like a
true family!

[Pinky leans down, reaching out to Skip.]

PINKY: C'mon ...

[Skip looks up to him, then makes a decision. Before he can act on it,
however, his hand slips, and he falls down the face of Cloud City.]

PINKY: Uh oh.

[Pinky shrugs and walks away.]

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, side wall, evening>

[Skip falls along the wall, then lands on an odd projection hanging from
the bottom of Cloud City. He grasps it tightly, looking nervously at the
very distant surface of the planet.]

SKIP: Ben! Dot! Heeeeelp!

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[As Pesto and ChewWakko fly the ship, Dot has an odd, slightly zoned-out
look on her face, as if in deep thought. Pesto looks over, and notices.]

PESTO: Hey, what's on your mind?

DOT: I keep feeling like we forgot something ...

PESTO: Like what?

[Dot blinks in realization.]

DOT: Skip! We left Skip back there! We gotta get him!

PESTO: Say what?!?

DOT: I know where he is! We gotta get him!

PESTO: No way I'm goin' back there! That place's crawlin' with
Imperials!

DOT: But if we don't rescue Skip ... we can't make another 'Star Bores'
movie!

[Pesto thinks for a moment.]

PESTO: Full about, aye!

<EXTERIOR: Sky, 20th Century Falcon>

[The Falcon does a quick 'U'-turn and flies back toward Cloud City.]

<EXTERIOR: Cloud City, landing platform>

[Pinky Vader steps out to the platform where the 20th Century Falcon once
was, then on to the edge. He raises his hand.]

PINKY: Taxi!

[A taxi pulls up, and Pinky enters it.]

PINKY: To my flagship. Poit!

[The taxi speeds away.]

<EXTERIOR: Bottom of Cloud City>

[Skip still floats in the breeze, hanging on for dear life.]

SKIP: Help!

<EXTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon>

[The Falcon soars at the city. Three Bow TIE fighters swoop after it,
firing.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

PESTO: [pointing through window] There he is!

DOT: Chewwie, slow down so we can get under him.

<EXTERIOR: Top of the 20th Century Falcon, under Cloud City>

[The hatch opens on top of the ship, under where Skip hangs. Pesto's head
appears.]

PESTO: Hey, you! Jump!

[Skip looks down to see the Falcon waiting, hatch open for him to drop
through. He closes his eyes, and lets go of the structure.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon main room>

[Dot and ChewWakko stand under the open hatch, waiting to catch Skip.
Pesto calls down from above.]

PESTO: Here he comes!

[Angled view showing the hatch. Skip can be heard screaming as he falls.
This is followed by a loud klunk as Skip lands on the roof, missing the
hatch and leaving a squirrel-shaped dent in the roof. Dot turns to
ChewWakko.]

CHEWWAKKO: Oops ...

<EXTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon>

[As the pursuing fighters wait, Dot and ChewWakko reach out and pull Skip
inside the ship. The Falcon then takes off once more, and the fighters
resume their pursuit.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon passenger quarters>

[Dot guides the beaten, battered, and tired Skip to a bed. She pulls a
blanket over him, then smiles.]

DOT: I'll be back, sweetie.

[She gives him a large mushy kiss, then runs out.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[Dot rushes in as the ship shakes. ChewWakko turns the wheel, aiming the
ship for deep space.]

DOT: Shouldn't we be gone by now?

PESTO: Hit the hyper-speed, Chewwy!

[ChewWakko stomps on the accellerator. The engines sputter uselessly.]

DOT: Nice job your folks did on this thing, Pesto.

PESTO: This ain't supposed ta happen! I told them ta touch up the paint!
Astafazou, what's goin' on here?!?

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

[Pinky Vader and Admiral Wilford stand on the bridge, looking out the
window as the 20th Century Falcon flies around.]

WILFORD: We should be close enough for a tractor beam any minute.

PINKY: Splendid! Er, your people did take care of their hyperdrive,
right?

WILFORD: Um, yes.

PINKY: Great! Poit.

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[ChewWakko, frustrated, pounds the wheel as Pesto, on the other side,
tries turning the key again and again.]

PESTO: Come on, you stupid mazaraloute, go!

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer>

[Pinky stares intently out the window, focusing on the Falcon, and within
it, Skip.]

PINKY: Son ...

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon sleeping quarters>

[Skip sits up, sensing the presence of Pinky Vader.]

SKIP: Father ...

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

PINKY: Come to me, son ...

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon sleeping quarters>

SKIP: Why didn't you tell me, Ben ...

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

PINKY: Come on, son! We can rule the universe, and play catch, and win
all the father-son day races! Narf!

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[ChewWakko throws his hands up in despair.]

CHEWWAKKO: We're finished!

SCRATCHY'S VOICE: I've got a vhite hankie in my closet ...

DOT: What can I do?

PESTO: You can get out and push, for all the good that'll do!

[Dot blinks, then shrugs. She exits the cockpit.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, 20th Century Falcon>

[Pinky Vader's destroyer looms ever closer. A hatch opens on the Falcon,
and Dot rushes out. She runs to the rear of the ship, braces herself with
both hands on the bumper, and starts pushing with all her might. The ship
begins to accellerate, until it suddenly breaks into hyperspeed, forcing
Dot to hang onto the bumper as the ship blasts away.]

DOT: Aaaaaaa!

<INTERIOR: Pinky Vader's destroyer, bridge>

[Admiral Wilford and Pinky Vader watch in shock as the Falcon soars away.
Pinky then sobs slightly, reaching for the suit's handkerchief and using
it noisily.]

PINKY: [sniff] And I even [sniff sniff] got him a [sob sniff] new
baseball glove!

[Pinky completely breaks down in tears, crying on Admiral Wilford's
shoulder.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, Rebel fleet>

[The 20th Century Falcon is docked with a Rebel cruiser. Mustangs fly
past the cruiser as a transport hangs in the background.]

<INTERIOR: 20th Century Falcon cockpit>

[Pesto now sits in the pilot's seat. ChewWakko sits in his normal
position, going over the pre-flight checklist.]

PESTO: [into radio] Skip, we're ready ta go.

SKIP: [over radio] Good luck, Pesto.

PESTO: [into radio] When we find them beakin' birds, we'll call ya.
Those buzzards'll be in for the beakin' of their lives!

<INTERIOR: Rebel Cruiser, sickbay>

[Skip sits on a bed, radio mike in his left hand. A nearby droid tends to
his injuries.]

SKIP: [into radio] I'll meet you at Lucas Park, Pesto ... may the Farce
be with you.

PESTO: [over radio] Thanks, kid! Chewwie, hit it!

[A mallet impact is heard over the radio.]

PESTO: [over radio, angrily] I meant start the motor! Mona Lisa, what
were you thinking?!?

CHEWWAKKO: [over radio, faintly] You told me to hit it ...

[Skip shrugs, then turns off the radio. The droid moves back from him,
and he looks himself over. Pleased with finding himself as good as new,
he moves over to another bed where Dot lies, still 'frozen' from being
dragged through hyperspace. She still holds the bumper of the 20th
Century Falcon in her hands, fingers having dented the metal. Skip sighs
again, then turns to the window and watches the Falcon undock and soar
away.]

<EXTERIOR: Space, Rebel cruiser>

[The Falcon sweeps across the field as Skip watches on from the window.
It soars off-screen. Skip turns away from the window. Before he can get
too far, the Falcon soars back and pulls up to the window. Pesto leans
out of the ship and raps on the glass, bringing Skip back.]

PESTO: Your bottomless pit of a friend here ate all the maps. Where's
Lucas Park?

[End theme plays as Skip tells Pesto the directions.]