Silent Bob
09-19-2003, 10:58 PM
Found this, though it was cute:
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Actual Stupid Product Warnings Part 1
Don't know how authentic these are, but they're funny anyway (some editorial comments included):
On a lawnmower "WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!" (No kidding!)
Blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be Used as Protection from Tornadoes"
Instructions on bottom of frozen pizza: "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!" (Oops! Too late!)
Korean kitchen knife: "Keep Out of Children" (Ouch!)
Warning on a curling iron: "Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice". (Were you trying to curl your nose hair?)
Packet of nuts: "Open package and eat nuts." (Duh!)
Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."
On an Iron: "Warning: Never iron clothes while on body" (Well, forget about that short cut!)
Can of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face." (And just why would I want to do that?)
Bottle of Insect Spray: "Never tested on Animals!" (Not even on insects?)
Bathtub cleaner: "For best results, start with clean bathtub before use." (Why bother, then?)
Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness" (And I’m taking this because…?)
Lighter fluid: "WARNING: Contents flammable!" (I should hope so!)
Child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Rats!)
On a bottle of hand lotion: "Warning: Starts healing skin on contact." (Whew, thanks for warning me!)
Cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
On a box of household nails: "CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!" (Understatement of the year)
Shampoo Bottle for Dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." (You mean that sudsy stuff I use to clean my pets isn’t fish food?)
Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it. Direction #1 is "Remove plastic."
Curling Iron: "Warning: This product can burn eyes." (Too bad... I always wanted curly eyes.)
On a television commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.
Midol PMS Relief: "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." (And just how many men have PMS?)
Blow dryer: "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP" (No multi-tasking potential here.)
Package of Dice: "Not for human consumption." (Hmmphh, my mouth was all set for a nice pair of dice.)
Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."
Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle: "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." (No kidding!)
On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."
Box of Bottle-Rockets: "Do not put in mouth." (Gives new meaning to the phrase “human cannonball”)
On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving." (Like I was going to feed this to my baby DRY?)
Toilet cleaner (I'd better not name the brand)
"Cleans and Kills Germs"
Why do the germs need to be cleaned?
===
Actual Stupid Product Warnings Part 1
Don't know how authentic these are, but they're funny anyway (some editorial comments included):
On a lawnmower "WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!" (No kidding!)
Blanket from Taiwan: "Not to be Used as Protection from Tornadoes"
Instructions on bottom of frozen pizza: "DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN!" (Oops! Too late!)
Korean kitchen knife: "Keep Out of Children" (Ouch!)
Warning on a curling iron: "Do Not Insert Curling Iron Into Any Bodily Orifice". (Were you trying to curl your nose hair?)
Packet of nuts: "Open package and eat nuts." (Duh!)
Seen on the bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle: "Do not open here."
On an Iron: "Warning: Never iron clothes while on body" (Well, forget about that short cut!)
Can of spray paint: "Do not spray in your face." (And just why would I want to do that?)
Bottle of Insect Spray: "Never tested on Animals!" (Not even on insects?)
Bathtub cleaner: "For best results, start with clean bathtub before use." (Why bother, then?)
Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness" (And I’m taking this because…?)
Lighter fluid: "WARNING: Contents flammable!" (I should hope so!)
Child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Rats!)
On a bottle of hand lotion: "Warning: Starts healing skin on contact." (Whew, thanks for warning me!)
Cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place"
On a box of household nails: "CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!" (Understatement of the year)
Shampoo Bottle for Dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." (You mean that sudsy stuff I use to clean my pets isn’t fish food?)
Microwave popcorn is packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it. Direction #1 is "Remove plastic."
Curling Iron: "Warning: This product can burn eyes." (Too bad... I always wanted curly eyes.)
On a television commercial that says it cleans dentures 4 times better. Below in small print it said "Lab test: (their product) vs. water.
Midol PMS Relief: "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." (And just how many men have PMS?)
Blow dryer: "DO NOT BLOW DRY IN SLEEP" (No multi-tasking potential here.)
Package of Dice: "Not for human consumption." (Hmmphh, my mouth was all set for a nice pair of dice.)
Seen on the back of a drink bottle label: "Do not peel label off."
Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle: "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." (No kidding!)
On a Band-Aid box: "For serious injuries, seek medical attention."
Box of Bottle-Rockets: "Do not put in mouth." (Gives new meaning to the phrase “human cannonball”)
On a can of powdered infant formula: "Mix with water before serving." (Like I was going to feed this to my baby DRY?)
Toilet cleaner (I'd better not name the brand)
"Cleans and Kills Germs"
Why do the germs need to be cleaned?