Idiots Guide to Microsoft Advertising

Multitasking:
You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting!

Built-in Networking:
You can crash several PC`s all at once. No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.

Microsoft Network:
Connect with other Windows 95 users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.

PnP:
Plug and Pray (that it works)

Multimedia:
Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.

Compatible with existing software:
It will also crash your existing software.

Increased Productivity:
You will need to increase your budget to buy more products like RAM and HardDrives. Better yet, get a new computer! That`s product-ivity.

User-Friendly:
Picture of clouds

State of the Art:
Pay for Bill`s next bid for a work of art.

MacIntosh-like:
It took Microsoft eleven years and it`s not even original.

Online Registration:
Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your harddrive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft`s files for the rest of your life.

MS Plus:
More money for Bill`s plus side.

Optimize:
It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and cpu so much so that you`ll end upgrading your system. See "Increased Productivity".