From: gvg@hplvec.LVLD.HP.COM (Greg Goebel)

SUPPORT IS HELL: The Torture Never Stops

"Oh, yes, we're working on that right now, sir!" (You're $%#* of of luck,
buddy!)

"Support is hell, Jeff. I don't know what to do."
"Try some M&Ms."

Chapter 2: The 9 Types of Supporters

1: THE NEW KID:

"Do you have a dog? ... My name? I'll have to get back to you on that."

ADVANTAGE: Can be used as backup often.
DISADVANTAGE: Is incapable of remembering anything even if told four or
five times.

2: EAGER BEAVER:

"Sure, I can write an emulation program by this afternoon ... one of those
new boxes? I'd sure like to get my fingers into one. I think I know
where there's one just down the hall ... "

ADVANTAGE: Works hard.
DISADVANTAGE: Makes a lot of work for everyone else.

3: THE KNOW-IT-ALL:

"Well, I could tell you how to do that ... but I think I could recommend
a better approach ... "

ADVANTAGE: Closes lots of calls.
DISADVANTAGE: If he doesn't know the answer he makes one up.

4: THE PSYCHO:

"READ MY LIPS, YOU BOZO! Are you STUPID or something?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

ADVANTAGE: Scares customers away.
DISADVANTAGE: His hobby is collecting guns and you can't sleep at night.

5: THE ASPIRING HACKER:

RING taptaptaptap RING RING taptaptaptap RING RING RING taptaptaptap
RING RING RING RING "Will someone get the phone?" taptaptaptap

ADVANTAGE: Answers questions about OS schedulers and internals of
IO drivers.
DISADVANTAGE: Works on everything but what he's supposed to do.

6: THE COUNSELOR:

"Oh my. Oh dear. Uh huh ... yes ... and then what happened? ... yes,
I have plenty of time ... oh, no, no problem, that's my job ... "

ADVANTAGE: Soothes angry customers.
DISADVANTAGE: Capable of instant jekyll-&-hyde transformation into psycho.

7: THE INTIMIDATOR:

"Why did you do THAT?! Haven't you had any TRAINING?! Don't you know
Section 5.1.2.1.1 of the IEEE spec?!"

ADVANTAGE: Customers don't return call.
DISADVANTAGE: May become your boss.

8: THE VET:

"Oh! That's there for backward compatibility. They added it in rev
2.00.03 but they didn't document it."

ADVANTAGE: Solves the most obscure problems casually.
DISADVANTAGE: Prone to long, tedious, rambling flashbacks.

9: THE CRISPY CRITTER:

"I don't know. I don't care. Your problem, that says it all, I have
my own to take care of. Why are you using this product, anyway?"

ADVANTAGE: He's still working.
DISADVANTAGE: He's yourself three years from now.

[<>] anon

Being in Tech support, all I can say is I identified my coworkers easily.

I am #4, and my coworkers know it.

Its funny, cuz someone told my boss once he didnt think i was "Stable" and the next day they implemented a "No Weapons" policy.

:blink:

ROFL!

I showed up for work once, in full BDUs.....it was the morning after a rotten evening.

The Support manager was in a conference with the Owner and asked me "How was it?"

I didnt say a word. I reached into my pocket, withdrew the grenade, pulled the pin and tossed it to him.

The Owner went white.

WIthout missing a beat, Hank (The suppt mgr) caught it in mid air, placed it on his desk and said "That bad huh?".

I just smiled and headed to the phones.

A little while later he returned my grenade... I placed it on my desk and put a sign up that said "Support - Take 1" with the #1 on the pin.

The Owner and I had a short 'chat' later on....said I had to leave my toys at home in the future. :D


It was a fun place to work. :tclaw:

I dont do tech support, but despite a no-wepons policy, I carry a knife...every manager knows it, the owners know it....and no one has ever questioned me about it :ph34r: